Frustrated, angry, alone.
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Walking barefoot on the grass and smudging with sage
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Well I actually suffered through it at three different times… my wife died in 2001, my 11 year old son died in 2004 and now my last son died in 2021. I would wish not even one of these on anybody and my advice would be to be kinder to the ones you love because there are so many regrets of how I could’ve been a better dad and husband.
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When I’m in the woods by myself hiking and feeling the wind on my face…
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Barefoot in the grass for sure 
And sorry Jess, I’m just getting caught up on some of these 
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Thank you man, you too!!!
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I can’t imagine…no words…hugs and thank you for being here 
…….
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I am most at peace when I’m alone in nature, or at least out with someone who doesn’t talk a lot. Coming to a midway point in a climb or hike and finding a place to sit and quietly soak in the surroundings is peaceful for me.
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I feel connected to the Earth when I’m barefoot outside. There are places in the Utah desert where I shuck my shoes and climb barefooted over smooth boulders and warm sand. Here at home in Colorado, I love to sit at the base of trees and lean against them. There is a calming energy that flows directly from trees into my being. Putting my bare feet in flowing streams and rivers connects me to Earth’s energies as well.
Planting seeds and seedlings makes me feel connected to the Earth, too. There’s nothing like the feeling of dirt on my hands, knowing I’m working to help bring a plant to life.
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Good morning everyone! Just wanted to say how much I appreciate y’all and am so grateful for your shares here.
@ShesGotMoxie @Butterflymoonwoman @anon74766472 @Scotie @Rockstar24777 @Callie99
I have been in a weird place the past week or so and have felt rather quiet and reserved. Just getting overwhelmed really easily. I haven’t been inclined to engage much or include my responses to the prompts. Finally starting to come out of that headspace & I’m going to go back and edit some posts today and over the weekend to include a few of my responses.
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Awwwww I’m grateful for you too Jess, you’ve got such an amazing outlook on things. You and I seem to have a very similar pattern when it comes to being in our heads etc. if you ever want to talk or just need someone to vent to or listen I’m here
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I so love your vulnerability and transparency it makes me feel comfortable when I feel and have been the same-lol my fucking eyes gloss over and adds to my feelings or weirdness lol. I’m smiling your going onward hell yeah let’s do this and thank you sooooo much for being here and adding your presence 
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It’s always ok to step back and take some time for you. 
I’m grateful for you, Jess. You’re a beautiful person. 
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@ShesGotMoxie Thank you Carolyn 
@Scotie Vulnerability is definitely a big keyword / focus point for me in sobriety! Without talking openly about this stuff I find it’s a slippery slope back into trying to numb those feelings with substances. Onward indeed!
@Rockstar24777 Thanks Rob! I’m terrible at reaching out but I’m trying to get better at it and I appreciate the offer 
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May 28
RUPI SELF-LOVE CARD PROMPT:
THE LAST TIME I HAD A GOOD CRY WAS ___________.
Thursday at work. We had a team meeting and we were introduced to the new mental health clinician on site. He had us do a love & kindness meditation over video chat and had us imagine a loved one standing in front of us wishing us well and sending us love. While he was throwing out some examples of who we might think of he mentioned it possibly being someone that’s passed and is no longer with us. That brought someone to mind for me and I immediately started bawling. This person had so much love to give to everyone else but they felt alone in the world and had taken their own life. It made me wish I could show them the love they showed to me.
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Right there w u on the vulnerable… this is so good to hear in the way you put it- it lands for me in so many levels and my heart just did an eyebrows raise lol-then my heart said being vulnerable in
Vulnerable in Assertive communication (respect for myself and others as I speak and lol regardless of mood, feelings striving to make that so).
Vulnerable in being kind, vulnerable to launch into loving kindness meditative thoughts and not standing to allow my gray matter to flip out into fight flight or freeze when I experience some people or situations. Emotional hangovers are soooo overrated lololol.
Vulnerable enough to ask for what I need and create that life, surround myself with that life.
Vulnerable enough to honor my inner child always in All Ways- it’s sooooo fun lol love hanging w that dude.
Vulnerable enough to take risks knowing that it’s to create, grow, try, land, move onward, laugh, love,connect, not fall.
Vulnerable enough to love deeply, freely and with a gentle kind playful style that is at the core of who I am.
Vulnerable enough to keep hope and faith alive ALIVE I tell you lolololol ALiiiiVe lololol.
Vulnerable enough to understand that being vulnerable is an act of holding my self safe and nurturing, creating…nothing less. Hell YAS onward!!! And together we go 
. All love to you.
I’m smiling right now because your original post and response sharpened my focus and I love that thaaaaaaank youuuuuuuuuuuuu
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Wow… I’m sorry for your loss Jess, that’s super heavy.
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The last time I had a good cry has been actually multiple times over this last year since Corey passed. I’m talking about gut wrenching, fetal position, can’t catch your breath, snot bubbles coming out of my nose cries. Healing but fucking horrible to go through. Felt like crying on his birthday but didn’t want to start because it’s too overwhelming for me. I know that’s not healthy but I felt at the time that if I started crying I wouldn’t be able to stop and I’d end up using so I fought it.
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Awe Jess… im grateful for u! And that shows a lot of strength honestly being able to even post when ur not feeling urself. I’m feeling this right now. Very distant, very introverted I guess. I find that I don’t even have the energy to post sometimes. I have stuff to say but I can’t get myself to do it. Tired or something… idk. Anyway, I’m glad uv pulled thru what u were going thru. I always love ur posts on here and ur thought provoking questions. I actually love reading everyons comments on here. It makes me feel like more connected to everyone i guess. Sometimes I think about the questions on my own and don’t post. Sometimes I don’t have an answer or it’s too personal. Or again… sometimes I don’t have the energy. But I do check ur thread often hugs
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