I can relate to this so much Dana! This is me 90% of the time.
I am glad to hear that you love the prompts & find them beneficial. And that you read my long winded posts so much of my posting I go back and forth between a mindset of 1) this is beneficial for me to say and is my own act of self love or 2) I don’t feel like sharing but it may be beneficial for someone else to stumble upon on. whether you share your answers or not I just love that you’re here and I’m happy to read them when you do
The last time when it felt relieving was when my grandmother died last year. It was cleansing and the first huge grief I went through sober. It was so much better sober.
SOMETHING THAT ALWAYS MAKES ME SMILE IS ___________.
This one was hard for me to get going with. Always made it difficult, because while there are things that more often than not bring me joy and make me smile, they are conditional on my own mood and circumstances. But a few things that I can say for certain always make me smile are:
– Picking flowers
– Watching my garden grow
– Seeing the little rainbows made by crystals in the sun
– The first snowfall each fall/winter
– Succeeding at a mtb feature after many previous failed attempts
– Seeing fish jump out of the water at dawn & dusk
– Chasing my mum’s klee kai around while she barks and husky talks at me
– The weird songs that pop in my head on long bike rides - when I’m biking up a long slow hill it’s Just Keep Swimming from Finding Nemo - when I’m descending into a windy river valley it’s Just Around the River Bend from Pocahontas - on long dark pavement stretches in the middle of the night it’s Moon River, the Sinatra version, because it’s the one my grandpa always liked and hummed along to.
Reading memes in here, being inspired in moments of need, reaching out and being vulnerable and transparent, hugs, planning to go mountain biking, hiking PLOTTING A MUD RUN of all things lol.
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I EARNED MY OWN TRUST? HOW DID I EARN IT?
Seeking help, especially over the past year. I have it in my head that I can do things on my own and it takes a lot of trusting myself to realize when I need to ask for help. This has included:
Joining TS and reaching out here or to close friends for help with sobriety. Trusting that it is best for me to be open and honest with certain friends and family members about the extent of my addiction.
Trusting myself to ask more questions of my pt doctor that supports my goals and referred me to my surgeon for my knee instead of suggesting a local doctor that would have otherwise ordered me to simply rest and do less.
Starting therapy to fill all other areas that are lacking & work on building my support system
My heart — my capacity to love and have passion for so many people, projects, and life itself. The way my heart let’s me feel deeply and experience small moments as if they were something bigger and intimate. There is a kind of romance I am in awe of every time I feel it when witnessing life, nature, connection, and peaceful moments.
You will not always feel so alone. You will find your people — people who you will love and be loved by — people that will make you feel at home. You will find peace within yourself and you will not mind so much when you do feel lonely.
I SHOULD BE MORE COMPASSIONATE TO MYSELF WHEN ___________.
…when I fail to hit a goal. I set goals intentionally high so I can work hard and see what my full potential is. The goal is essentially set up to fail so I keep having something to work towards. I need to have more compassion and not beat myself up for not reaching outrageous goals and I need to instead celebrate the hard work and progress I make.
I get compliments. People tell me about my intelligence, compassion, and sense of humor.
But when they tell me I’m attractive, I’m like “whatever, dude”. There’s a reason I’ve been here since 2018 and haven’t published a selfie yet. Probably never will.
I should be more compassionate to myself when I don’t eat or workout as well as I would have liked to. Instead of putting myself down which leads to eating even worse or not working out at all, I need the compassion to say, “it’s OK… im human and I will keep doing the best I can”. I definitely need to be more gentle with myself.
I shy away from compliments about my appearance (specifically weight). I struggle with believing that I can be attractive while being overweight. I don’t see how that’s possible. This may stem from my past and being so physically fit and getting alot of attention when I worked in the sex trade bcuz my appearance was a huge aspect of how I was “chosen”. Currently I don’t feel beautiful on the outside. Inside tho I have blossomed alot by being a healthier person overall, and I love that. But I don’t like how I look. I am working on that tho.
What leaves me in awe about myself is my kindness. I honestly feel like I should’ve ended up a bitter, cold hearted, and calloused woman (especially towards men) for what has happened to me. But im not. I can’t be like that. No matter what people have done to me or what I’ve done to msyelf or the things I’ve seen and done, I can never ever be a hurtful, bitter person. I’m proud of myself that I never lost that kindness and will continue to help others
I shy away from all compliments. I never learned how to be accepting of compliments. In the Midwest most of them feel back handed and not genuine. Compliments especially about how I look I shy away from because growing up my granny and my mum would make appearance based comments out of jealousy & insecurity. It was more a judgment or comparison that they somehow managed to pose as a compliment.
It’s something I am actively working on and trying to unlearn the way I’ve been conditioned. So much of how I was taught to communicate was passive aggressive, manipulative, and avoidant. One way I’m really trying to open myself up to compliments is making sure I have more genuine/open connections and interactions so I can trust that they are coming from a place of sincerity and not malice, and it feels natural then to be accepting of compliments.
HOW IS THE 2 PM VERSION OF YOU DIFFERENT THAN THE 2 AM VERSION OF YOU?
2 PM — This is roughly the middle of the day for me. This is a transitional point in my day. It is usually when I eat lunch or a snack if I am going to have an earlier dinner. This is when I look at what I’ve done in my day, what I still need to do, and check in with myself to see how I’m feeling. Meditate if I need. Have some green tea if I’m crashing. This version of me is grounded, self aware, and holds my best interests.
2 AM — I am asleep. If I am awake past 11 PM doing anything but reading, the version of me that exists by 2 AM is more a monster. She cares for no one, is self destructive, possessed as if waiting for the witching hour as an excuse to create chaos. I will more often than not destroy relationships and cause harm to myself. Too often in active addiction, I was up until 2 AM or later and nothing good ever came of it.
so much of my posting I go back and forth between a mindset of 1) this is beneficial for me to say and is my own act of self love or 2) I don’t feel like sharing but it may be beneficial for someone else to stumble upon on. 
whether you share your answers or not I just love that you’re here and I’m happy to read them when you do 
….
I never learned how to be accepting of compliments. In the Midwest most of them feel back handed and not genuine. Compliments especially about how I look I shy away from because growing up my granny and my mum would make appearance based comments out of jealousy & insecurity. It was more a judgment or comparison that they somehow managed to pose as a compliment.