Showing up. Not just physically but mentally and emotionally. Allow myself to be seen fully. To take the risk of being completely vulnerable with someone I love and know that I am always here for me if that person can’t always meet my needs. Knowing that one other human can’t possibly meet all my needs and expecting that is unfair.
But the one I am most excited to GIVE is to allow them the space to open up and feel seen, heard. To be truly and authentically them with an open mind and open heart on my end 
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I just realized that there’s this little folded pamphlet/note type thing that was included inside the card box and I didn’t see it until now.
Self-love is about calling ourselves out on our own shit, not just everybody else’s. It’s about being kind to ourselves, even when we fuck up. And appreciating ourselves, even when no one else does.
The more we love ourselves, the easier it becomes to give and receive love from others.
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I agree, Dana… this one is tough. I’m already such a giver in my relationship that I would like to be more open and honest about my own needs. Somewhere along the way, I lost myself and my needs to him and his needs. I know me and I know it would be difficult for me to talk about my own needs with him, but I definitely should work on this aspect of myself.
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That makes perfect sense. 
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April 07
WNRS SELF-LOVE CARD PROMPT:
WHAT FEEDBACK FORCED ME TO GROW RECENTLY, EVEN IF IT WAS HARD TO HEAR IN THE MOMENT?
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My daughter recently broke open about her resentment towards me and my addiction. It was painful to sit through her tears and sadness but I could literally feel us both opening up like lotus flowers as we cried together. It was beautiful.
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I’m not sure I’ve really received any feedback from someone lately. I have been reading lots of books and noticing that I have lots of areas I can grow in.
Maybe my take away from this prompt is that I need to have more conversations with people where feedback is given and encouraged. More vulnerable, sometimes uncomfortable conversations. They can be hard for me sometimes, and triggering. But I do think they can lead to more intimacy and connection like Stella so beautifully shared with her daughter.
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My daughter called this morning and talked to me about not saying “no” when I need to. It’s a subject that’s recently coming up often. There are things I want to do in my life, places I want to go, and projects I want to start, but I always put them off in case someone needs me. A lot has gone on in my family the past few years with kids trying to get sober, helping with childcare, and other things that I know I’m truly needed for. But it’s hard to say “no”, even when I know I can. It’s definitely a part of me that needs some tending.
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I thought about this one all day and wasn’t really coming up with much. @Callie99 I love your take on this and I could definitely use to have more of these conversations myself!
One for me I suppose was in therapy on Tuesday when I was asked to talk more about my living situation. I’ve felt very trapped in it and haven’t wanted to settle in but after describing it, my therapist said it sounds like I have a really good living situation where I’m secure and surrounded by family that love and support me. I have such a hard time feeling safe and this comment has had me realizing how much I have to be grateful for within my living situation. I find myself more inclined to settle in and be cozy, to use my time here as a chance to really put in the work to heal old wounds.
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April 08
WNRS SELF-LOVE CARD PROMPT:
WHAT PART(S) OF MYSELF HAVE I FELT THE NEED TO CHANGE IN THE PAST THAT I NOW EMBRACE?
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I have no shortage of things I’ve wanted to change about myself my silliness, perceived imperfections, but one immediately came to mind.
My sensitive nature. When I was younger I developed an aloofness around strangers, even friends. Mostly emotional aloofness. If I didn’t show that I was struggling on the inside- I thought it made me more likable on the outside. Really it disjointed me from my inner self. It became a belief I had about myself. I am aloof. I do not show emotion. Truthfully I am very emotional, sensitive, and warm. I have been since I was little. I see it as a strength now and my aloofness was a veil that was part of my ego. False protection from Trauma to keep me safe.
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I essentially wanted to change every part of myself - I never really knew who I was but I was very determined to not be that person. Parts of myself that I have recently uncovered and I’m learning to embrace are my nerdiness and femininity (or lack of).
I always thought I was too nerdy or too smart about some things, and not nerdy enough about others. Thought that I would be shamed for it. So I stayed quiet and didn’t let myself express real interest in anything. I’ve learned to be okay in this middle ground, to not feel like I need to know everything about a subject to talk about it or hide that I’m interested in things. I let myself get excited about my interests and talk about them regardless.
I grew up looking/dressing like a “tomboy” out of practicality and whenever my mum would cut my hair short I would constantly get told that I looked like a boy. So I kept my hair long refusing to cut it and wore dresses almost everyday through the end of high school and all of college thinking I was required to look a certain way.I’ve embraced looking however I do, wearing whatever I find comfortable from day to day. Some days it’s very femme but usually not so much. If other people have shit to say about it I know now that it has more to do with their own discomfort and try to not let it affect me.
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My individuality…
When I was growing up, we attended a church that taught an oppressive message, as far as how girls and women should dress, how we should style our hair, how we behaved, and how we presented ourselves in general. I always felt like the odd duck, because the other girls embraced it and seemed happy to do so. I felt stifled, silenced, held down… I couldn’t be my own person, I had to look and act like all the other girls. I had long blonde hair down to my knees, but no one ever saw it, because at a certain age girls were required to wear their hair in up-dos. So many aspects of being unique were considered sins.
I carried a lot of the church’s teachings into my early 20’s. I believe I did this to a certain degree out of respect for my family. Once I moved 1,500+ miles away, I began to feel free. My hair is still long (not to my knees 
), but I keep it that way because I like it. I have tattoos and I wear makeup and I wear clothes that suit me, not anyone else. I read books and listen to music that isn’t considered “godly” by my family. I speak my mind, something that was heavily frowned upon back home. I am unique in my own ways, I don’t look to my family for approval, and I dance to my own tune. I embrace everything about myself that was put down, quashed, and repressed. I am my own fire and I do my best to not allow anyone or anything to extinguish me.
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I’m gone in the woods without service for the weekend so I drew tomorrow’s card and I’m going to post it here ahead of time.
Saturday April 09
WNRS SELF-LOVE CARD PROMPT
HOW DO I WANT TO BE LOVED BY SOMEBODY ELSE? DESCRIBE IN DETAIL. (DO YOU LOVE YOURSELF IN THIS WAY? ANSWER HONESTLY.)
Sunday’s card will be later in the day after I get back.
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Being married for over 20 years elevates the experience of love for me. My love has changed over the years with my sweetheart. I’m afraid and very conscious of the fact as life becomes more hectic and family duties are primary, there seems to be nothing left in the tank, you know?
“How was your day?”, “Fine”. “What do you want for dinner?”, “I don’t care.” “What would you like to do?”, “Nothing, I’m tired.”
This interaction between partners can become dull if one doesn’t make a mindset decision to be engaged. Engagement is what drives love for me. Having a conversation with my spouse, getting up from the listening room and going to the kitchen if the teenagers are talking with their mom.
I’m making more of a commitment to be engaged with my spouse. That being said, I appreciate what my sweetheart does for me. She supports me with my sobriety and taking care of the home, animals and family.
I love myself more when I’m engaged in the process. Whether that is work, music, family or through my relationships. I must be ENGAGED, or I drift off into despair and depression.
So, I value engagement and support from my spouse and therefore I can be engaged as an individual and provide support to myself when dealing with difficulties.
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A few things that I used to dislike about myself and wanted to change, and now I embrace are:
- My emotions: Was constantly trying to change how I felt. Couldn’t sit still, had to be around people, used drugs and alcohol, or other outside sources like shopping or exercise or sex or food, to change how I felt. I actually embrace my emotions and love to experience a variety of feelings now (even tho they suck sometimes)
- My height: I am tall for a woman. I’m 5’10" and I used to HATE it for a variety of reason. I love how tall I am and embrace it!
- My name: I was 17 or so when I legally changed my name to Hillary. Why Hillary?! I actually don’t even remember why. But I paid for my name change and got new ID and everything else. I hated who I was growing up. I wanted to change everything about me as a person and I also changed my friends, purposely went to a whole diff school, changed my style of clothes, my makeup, everything. I made a whole new person out of myself. Then again another whole new person when I worked in the sex trade. My working name was Jody James and she too was completely fake. I lost who I was with these diff identities and in drugs. I embrace that my name is Dana. I love it! It’s me, the name I was born with. I had to legally change my name to Dana again
But I am so glad I did.
There are still things about me that I haven’t embraced yet and still dislike. But I am trying my best to work on self-love.
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How do I want to be loved by somebody else?
I didn’t answer this one yesterday, because it took contemplation. My childhood had its ups and downs, but there was abuse to the point that by my preteen years I didn’t even expect love from my parents. I wanted to be invisible, so I didn’t expect anything from them, except to be housed, clothed, and fed until I could leave.
I married as a teen to a man 6 years older, and I wanted him to be that somebody who would give me the kind of love I’d never had. I wanted to feel safe and cherished. I wanted to know I could bare my soul to him and be heard and understood. Less than a month into that 10-year marriage, the abuse began. So once again, I tried to be invisible.
About a year after divorcing my first husband, I met my current husband. I knew I cared for him, but I remained extremely cautious. I was afraid to expect the kind of love from him that I’d expected from my first husband. By this point in my life, I knew I was unworthy. The people I loved the most had let me know that loud and clear. It turns out that this man was a different breed than anyone else I’d ever known. He not only fell in love with me, he fell in love with my children and has been a wonderful father to them. When I need to talk about my childhood trauma, he’s patient and he listens and he holds me when I cry. He has given me a love that lets me know I’m safe and cherished, understood and valued. I don’t have to bare my soul to a blank piece of paper anymore. I have someone who hears me and tries to make it better.
I believe as we grow, our wants and needs from others grow as well. We may leave behind friends, family, and lovers who simply haven’t grown with us. We move on to be alone or to find other like-minded souls. I think that’s a kind of self-love, but I’m not certain.
As for whether I love myself in the same way I expect to be loved, the answer is a definite no. I’m still working on that part of me.
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April 10
WNRS SELF-LOVE CARD PROMPT:
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I PLEASANTLY SURPRISED MYSELF? EXPLAIN.
Getting myself out of bed at a regular time when I’m feeling depressed to eat something, stretch, and get outside before deciding to crawl back in bed.
Scheduling the appointment and following through to not only start therapy, but also respond to the follow up email to schedule future reoccurring sessions. In the past I would have convinced myself I’m doing fine and deleted the follow up email.
Every day in the past 7 months that my aunt or step dad put out sweet treats and I have let myself enjoy a reasonable amount without guilting myself or it turning into a binge.
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but I’d hope that I am more balanced and self confident and not depending on someone else to complete me if that makes sense??? 
