Absolutely! You have a great support system here! We got you! 
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Wow, thank you seriously so much for the reply and the honestly really relatable story there. I so appreciate your sharing that.
Sorry for the late reply, things got a little crazy/ busy last hour or so but I just wanted to say yours is the most relatable here I’ve seen so far and I’m for sure gonna keep in mind to reach out for help/relatability next time the dysphoria bass drops hard again.
My kids were pretty alright with the concept of being trans, but I think part of that is from having a lot more open simple conversations with them about that that as things have gone along just generally in life. I never really got those conversations myself when I was a kid and I always wondered about things like that but it was so very quickly shut down with “blah blah something about the Lord, etc…”
My husband, he’s come around a significant amount since then and multiple times apologized so I’m working on letting it go now and moving forward
He’s a lot more supportive and actually respects my journey now, especially after I shared how his words made me feel, which was really hard but am v glad I did and now I’m trying to clean up the leftovers of letting go and moving on.
And I’m really glad you were able to work forward!!
It’s really inspiring and and definitely gives me so many more glimmers of hope to not give up on this journey that I’ve put on pause for at least 2 years just trying to remain stable.
Thanks again so much for just sharing and relating to where I’ve been and I honestly just really appreciate hearing someone else’s story that is kind of a similar road. I definitely wish you very much the best of luck as you go forward and for sure we will have to stick together on this 
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Thank you so much!! I feel so loved here and it’s just really validating to be heard/seen in a safe place. I really appreciate it and I’ll definitely stick around for sure to see what happens! 
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I’m glad if my story helped you in any way. If you’re interested in it more, here is the thread with occasional posts from this period. I don’t post there often, definitely not in my lowest moments and I used to post regularly also in the checking-in thread so it’s not a coherent story, rather excerpts.
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I’ve been a bit slow catching up on this thread lately but thank you for sharing this! 
I am pan as well and have struggled for a long time to come to terms with it, while trying to figure out the rest of my identity in sobriety. I am so glad you are here with us and I appreciate you sharing! 
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Thank you much! And def glad my post was helpful; loving having the camaraderie and solidarity in pan-ness here so much!
It’s been great and very powerful learning I can be my own person even sober, and can still discover that in some very positive ways, even through the rough patches of coming to grips and terms with things from the past and present (soo relatable though fr 
)
Sending you support and solidarity here for sure! We gotta stick together
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Time to jump in here… non binary pansexual 
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This is a topic that was so important to me when I came out as a lesbian and an alcoholic at the same time. I’d found and online community for women coming out late in life but didn’t find a queer sobriety community I felt comfortable with. This was over 22 years ago and I’m happy to be the kind of person who no longer needs to separate the queer from the alcoholic me. Now I’m one person…but wow it was hard facing the rejection from my bio family and doing with the mess my life was in.
Thanks for posting! Much love 
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Wow! I am so happy and impressed with how this space has grown. Thanks everyone.
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Gonna come out to one of my friends next week. They’re already nb transfemme so I’m hoping they’ll understand my own nb genderfluid situation. The first time i tried coming out to someone close was rough and very damaging for a while, to put it one way.
Thankfully they apologized and they went about asking questions, etc the proper way 2nd time around, which was at least a helpful start.
For a while after that first interaction though, I receded so far back into the closet and overcompensated as femme for a year or so before burning out and hitting critical mass again.
There are no pictures, clothes, objects or online friends left from when I was trying to be real. I never stopped thinking about it though, and try as I might, I can’t keep repressing it anymore. I’m tired. I’m done being apologetic.
I’m going to take the (very scary) emotional risk of telling this friend next week. I’ve been working through it in my head. I’m not going to get defensive if they’re skeptical or whatever, but it’s going to hurt again if I’m not accepted. I’ll take the hurt and cope, keep trying, and of course therapy about it.
Yes, I’m valid and I know who I am, but it’s dark here in this closet. I thought i was on my way out once, but had to retreat for safety (mentally mostly).
I require realness now; 2 years after, plus 6 months of weekly therapy, 1 medication and just over 5 months of sobriety later.
I tried hiding again, it’s eating away at me and I realized it’s the last vestige of things tearing me down mentally. I’m torn between living a lie and compromising for everyone’s comfort or living real, as much as I can, here in the open. I need freedom.
The therapy must be working because as nervous as this makes me, I’m not panicking or deciding not to do it. I have to risk something to get there.
This ended up being longer than I thought, but healing with this properly has a lot of rough edges right now.
Any thoughts/ relatable stories/ solidarity appreciated; have a great day all.
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I applaud you mainly for trying to be true to yourself,
People can be hurtful and shameful and just downright pretty fucking horrible.
I know I fall into the masses as a white heterosexual male, but my opinion on this is pretty straightforward. No one who is a human being or calls them self your friend or family member should have any opinions about how you decide to live your life, if they are your friend they’ll accept you knowing you are being who you are. Obviously cause our society is pretty fucked, we don’t think that way.
I’m all for people being who they are, regardless of gender, color, race sexual preference, what a persons choice of partner is, has no effect on my life whatsoever, the idea of coming out shouldn’t be a big thing, we preach acceptance and reducing stigmatism of the LGTBQ community when we should be practicing apathy,
Oh your Whatever you are
Ok,
It doesn’t affect my friendships, relationships or anything because your choice of partner or your sexual orientation, doesn’t match mine. If they can’t accept you for you, then fuck them, they weren’t your friends anyway.
I had someone tell me once how, deviation from heterosexuality was a disease of the mind that can be cured, with therapy. And then when I pointed out that 1% of our society identifies as other than heterosexual and that science has proven that this is a standard deviation in any living species, well you’d think I was sitting on satans throne myself based on my statement.
I know kinda brash, very honest, but from getting to know you, you strike me as a great person who loves their family and is tired of living a lie. If someone can’t see past what your preference of partner is and your private business in the bedroom, well they are ignorant bigots
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First time ever in my life a new colleague in my new job asked if I preferred men over women (that’s how she said it). In a totally non confrontational or accusatory way. In fact she was thinking of her gay brother who’s single too 
For me this felt actually really good. Since I came out to the world at large some 25 years ago I never made a secret of being gay. But I never started a conversation about me being gay either. I don’t look “gay” in the eye of straight folks (whatever that looks like) so many straight people would just assume I’m straight too. And I’d be fine with that assumption. Not so much anymore these days.
So this straight colleague matter of factly and naturally asking me this question feels like progress to me. Just a normal question from an inquisitive (and nice) person. Some things really have changed since the eighties. Of course still an endlessly long road to go. But there is progress too.
@mamador You do your thing. You’re risking something to get there. You’re not alone. One love friend x
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I think most people, think of the stereotype given to most gay men, flamboyant, dressed like Liberace and very feminine. Naturally you really don’t fit those stereotypes so it’s easy to dismiss you as a hetero male,
Otoh I do not fit any of those stereotypes and was assumed to be gay by a few gay men who attempted to pick me up mainly cause I had a few gay friends, and I guess fit the label of a metrosexual cause being in a public spotlight I’m not gonna want to look like I’ve just rolled out of bed
However, I could see how a potential partner for you could be beneficial I see all the photos from your adventures and such, I’m sure having a partner in some sort of way whether it’s friendship or a potential relationship, could be extremely beneficial to you
Hoping all goes well, keep us posted !
It’s tough to come out. The few friends I really care about, I’m out to and next week I’m about to come out to the last friend I haven’t told yet.
Next step, family…
Just remember you’re never alone with this Marianna
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I am always glad when this thread pops up again. I am too coward usually to revive it myself. I’m still very deep in the closet.
@mamador Do I remember right you prefer Benny? I am immensely proud of you making the decision to come out to your friend! Have you or do you have plans to come out to your family or anyone else? No pressure - just curious if you don’t mind me asking. I hope it all goes well and you can fully grow into who you truly are!
For a long time I thought I was transmasc myself. I felt so uncomfortable in my femininity and it’s been a slow process the past 2 ish years of realizing that I just felt powerless being feminine. There was so much toxic masculinity associated with the trauma in my past that I could not process or let myself be comfortable in this body. I realized that was a big part of my love of athletics and how an athletic body helped me feel less feminine.
These days I tend towards nonbinary but I’m okay expressing either or both masc & femme traits. I am okay now being she/her or they/them and just looking however I look that day. It’s helping me feel more comfortable with coming out as pansexual as a starting point. Therapy is helping me a lot with reclaiming my femininity in the days where it feels it suits me and finding the power in that.
I’m hoping to move back to a city sometime in the near future. Coming out in my small town is terrifying and I’m realizing how desperately I need community. Maybe I’ll stop hiding soon 
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Definitely support you in doing what feels right with your friend. Sending much strength and solidarity and positive vibes your way. Thank you for honoring us with your journey.
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Thank you all for the amazing support and replies! I’ll reply to each one in just a bit (today has been hectic lol) but wanted to real quick drop a huge thanks to everyone here, you’re all the bees knees
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Thanks for the thoughtful reply, I appreciate it so much more when people understand the added complicating factor of finally coming to terms with, and exploring, gender and orientation post-marriage. Especially since it’s frustrating to be perceived as femme, etc. or realize and try to unpack orientation things after going through the ceremony and just being perceived as straight wife lady, etc.
It locks in some hard to break stereotypes, societal expectations and such i think at the least.
I hope your husband was supportive, I know it’s always risky putting that out there in an already established relationship. I can agree with the baby steps process honestly, it’s better to be safe and slowly find strength and support sometimes.
And sending big empathy on the frustrations of people’s lack of either taking it seriously or making it an excuse to take advantage of your emotional investment risk.
I know bisexuality is given these ridiculous stereotypes in a lot of media, and it’s really minimizing to what’s being lived. Hence the slower and carefully curated coming out process (in the same boat as you saw in my op)
I support your experience and thank you again for yours and the insight. Here’s to us baby stepping into our truth as much as possible, have a great day! 
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Thanks for the reply, I appreciate any support like that!
I agree with the overdone and high-pressure concept put out currently about coming out, it’s a great feeling if acceptance is there, but can be harmful for a lot of reasons if not. I’m all for a society that would adapt a similar mindset to what you said yourself.
Had to laugh at ‘sitting on satan’s throne’ 
those viewpoints on the subject can be so objectively polarizing and sometimes the best way to help cope is finding some way to laugh at it (when possible obv)
Thanks again for the support & have a great day!
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I am a demi-girl and pansexual/pan-romantic. Coming out when i was 16 and no one was really supportive. I guess because of spirituality and all that. I know God still loves me for me. Anyway, my addiction has a lot to do with my coming out. Ive never felt like I’ve belonged, so i guess self harm has been my way of belonging to something. If that makes sense.
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