Hi everyone. I’m new here & fairly new to recovery. I have 114 days Clean. I know how to stay clean & have the tools to do so but my problem is I’ve never been able to lose the desire to get high. No matter how much treatment I do & meetings, the desire is always there. I think of the consequences & especially my son which helps me refrain but I’m afraid one day I’m just gonna say fuck it & go get high (which is what I’ve done multiple times in the past) I don’t think I’m your average addict & look at myself differently because I can get high just one time then put it down for however long I need to. I’ve been able to keep my job for about 7 years now & I do consider myself a functioning addict. I’m in outpatient treatment right now via zoom & I also do meeting online as well. I don’t feel I have a big support group. My mom & stepdad are in recovery so I’ve always been in their shadow & it’s hard for me to build a support group of my own which is what I need. I’m a big isolater & have very little friends & spend most my time at home. I am a single mom & my sons dad is not in his life at all so it’s hard for me sometimes doing everything on my own & I wish I had people I could turn to for help. I’m kind of a quiet person & I don’t like talking to people about my problems much & I feel like I’m constantly getting judged when I do which I why I stay to myself. I have trust issues with people because I’ve been done dirty so many times. I guess I’m on here putting myself out there cuz I am struggling inside & afraid I’m going to sabotage all the progress I’ve made towards a better future because of my emotions & not having the support system I NEED. I’m honestly trying my best but getting high was my only way to escape & now that I’m not I have no way to escape my emotions & I don’t have anyone to talk to. Anyways just putting this out there to see what happens cuz I guess I needa get something out even if it’s just a little bit, it’s better than holding it in all the time.
I understand about isolation. I work from home, my fb was hacked and, to keep me from finding out, they posted something to make fb delete my account. Until i read your post i had completely forgotten i had a girl’s get together group on fb for ladies in my neighborhood. You could look for, one of those types of groups. Search Mom’s of (your town or neighborhood)… thank you for posting this. I’m going to go visit the girls group leader to get back in touch.
There are people out there wanting to be your friend. They just don’t know it yet. Good luck and congrats on 114 days. I’m 8 days.
Hi Chey,
And welcome to this great 
nonjudgmental sober forum. Congratulations on your 114 days clean. I hear a lot of what you’re saying. I too have had many tools for my sobriety but lack a support group of friends. Happily married but lonely in sobriety. This forum took care of that for me. I’ve spent a lot of time on here during my sober journey and stay pretty active helping out, getting and giving support.
Here are 2 threads I love.
I like the gratitude because it my strongest tool and I can express my gratitude daily. I got a lot of gratitude when I’m sober and It’s just for me. And I can read other’s gratitude and see I’m not alone.
The checking in daily thread is a great place to chat back and forth with other people that are just trying not to pick up their first DOC. I’m sure there are some lovely pot heads on there that you can relate to.
Have a good read around. Join in when you’re comfortable. I hope to see you around.
Welcome Chey 
Well, log in here daily and you’ll have one !
Exactly what I wanted to say.
And congratulations on your 114 days!
Welcome Chey no judgement here. If you’ve read any of my previous posts on here people feeling ashamed or judged or just about anything because of there addiction really bothers me. I know ridiculously successful people who are ragging coke heads so don’t feel that whatever your vice is someone should be looking down on you.
I’m telling you this as a decent human being, what decent human being doesn’t want the best for someone else? I want you to have a great home. I want you to get that raise at work. I want you to have great kids regardless of what we’re battling.
That said also don’t feel that if you maintain a job, housebound etc that that is the benchmark for sobriety either. Lots of successful people are functional drunks and drug addicts. Just stay away from the stuff.
I’m a big action guy. I truly believe that the path to happiness is to get moving. I constantly hear people say “I’m bored, there’s nothing to do etc” I can come up with 100 things that cost nearly zero that will make you beyond happy. But it all starts with getting active and getting out of your house.
Here are a few things.
If you have kids sign them up for sports and go out of your way to make friends with the other parents.
Go for hikes. Look for hiking groups. My son has a double header tonight for baseball and there is a mountain I want to hike while he plays. I looked online there is a hiking group that meets at 6 tonight.
Join a gym. This falls into the line of create positive environments for yourself. Negative people typically don’t work out. If they do find a different group. Say hello and smile. Say you’re new how do I use this? I love helping people out.
Walk in your neighborhood. The same people walk every night. See if you can weasel your way into a group?
What hobbies do you enjoy? Find groups that do those hobbies.
Find a good Bible based church. If you find or feel people judging you you are in the wrong church. Jesus hung out with a bunch of losers and people who needed to be saved.
Look at being single as a positive. You’re an attractive person who wouldn’t want to talk to you. You don’t have some drunk to deal with or someone who holds you back. Go out and mingle. Flirt with people you find attractive. Say hello and smile A LOT.
There is a book written about this but never eat alone. Even if you can’t afford it go to a coffee shop to hang out and drink out of your water bottle and just eat your lunch there or ask a friend to lunch at a park.
Volunteer. This is a great way to meet positive action oriented people. When I was in college I worked at the YMCA. Not only did I get a free membership I got to go to Disneyland a million times (not a huge Disney guy) with the kids, all
Kinds of trips everywhere all paid for by the Y. People of all ages volunteered. Charitable organizations have all kinds of fancy balls and fundraisers you can attend and meet really cool people. All for free.
You have a ton to give to the world so start giving it!!!
Congrats on 114 days! Thats awesome! Ive found loneliness to be a big trigger for me and ive found that fellowship i crave here and in aa meetings. I come here daily to catch up with others and reflect. Welcome
Hi Chey, congrats on your 114 days! 
Listen, being sober is not just about not using your DOC. I learned that (still learning) in the past 5 months without alcohol. It’s about learning to live a much better life without the compulsion to use a substance to “patch up” the times we feel uncomfortable. To learn to ride through our emotions, good and bad. All of these pass, eventually. Learn some tools to ride through the bad ones and learn not to compromise the good ones by blurring them with substances. It is worth it. You’ll feel the relief of actually coming out the other side from a bad one and the joy of fully experiencing the good ones
This is a super helpful forum to me. I’m supported by my husband in my sobriety, but it is lonely. We don’t talk about it, really. There are no in-person meetings where I live. Discussing alcohol addiction here is a big no-no. I have not discussed with any friends my struggles with alcohol. Not even my family. I’m not saying this is the right thing to do, but saying that I understand the feeling of isolation. I’m also quiet and meeting new people requires an effort.
This forum has been an absolute key to my sobriety this time around. When I feel lonely, I read, contribute, connect, try to help (even in a very tiny way), and it helps a LOT. When I felt like I was at risk of relapsing, these peeps had by back. I’m incredibly grateful for that. 180 days and counting.
Wishing you all the best in your sober journey - we’re here to support each other!
Welcome to this community. You will find it supportive and non judgmental. When I joined June 27,one month to the day after being discharged after 28 days in rehab I didn’t know what was to come. It’s been so good for me as big a part of my continuing recovery journey as my recovery group(Recovery Dharma) or therapy. A blessing. I hope you find it the same. I don’t mean to overstep but I kinda keyed in on what you said about escaping your emotions. You can’t. Try to find the strength that is in you,and it is in you,to sit with them without attaching a value. ODAAT. Again,welcome.
Hi 
Welcome to the community, its nice to have you join us. I think there alot many of us can relate to in your experience.
This community has been amazing for me 
helped keep me sober and connect with others who care so deeply.
I hope you can find what you need here and thank you for sharing, definitely say check out the checking in daily thread as alot of us hang there 
Are there small groups or DMs on this app. Sometimes I want to share something but it seems like it would bore the entire group. Or expand a topic further. Sort of actually talk through some issues? Just curious?
Let me know if there are DMS
Welcome sweet girl
Hey there, how are you doing?
The compulsion eventually gets more manageable. Recovery and healing is much bigger than than not using your DOC. For me, it was connecting with my Higher Power, getting in support groups and taking personal inventory. Emotions are real, BUT not real solid for personal decisions. Getting outside your head takes another former addict that you trust to bounce ideas off. Congrats on the most important day not to use, and that’s today! “We” being all of us are a tribe using the power of each other to becoming better people!
I’m always a DM away, among so many people that actually know what your going through. Connect with someone… You absolutely need to build your own support system, it doesn’t happen by itself. Remember 9/10 people you meet, have no idea what a true addict is. Hopefully they never will.