Try therapy, or one on one counseling. If all did was talk to my sponsor and never listen I’d be belly up to a barstool right now.
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Sorry, but it seems you want an easy out and a fast solution. You got to work a lot at it.
If it helps, my experience is that I wanted an easy out and wanted it to be fast as well but the problem was that I only got to the top layers of my problems. Now, I’m going to therapy on a regular basis (and I hate it) but I’m learning a lot on the root causes of my alcohol problem.
Also, I recommend this book which helps to understand the phases of change and what you can do to make progress towards the goal YOU WANT and not a cliché of what is expected of you.
My two cents. Good luck with whatever path you take.
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Hi,
I know what you mean about clichés. Clichés are a substitute for active listening and are incredibly off putting for me, especially since I was once in a cult, and clichés were used to perpetuate controlling “truths”. Sponsors are not experts nor in any way counsellors, they only have experience of what has worked (or they claimed to have worked) for them. They are one of the 5-8% who are sober after a year on starting a 12 step programme. A friend of mine was told by his sponsor “instead of picking up a drink pick up the phone”. That VERY nearly killed him from the resulting siezure that was almost fatal. He found sobriety a few years ago through a different route.
Sometimes AA/CA/NA etc does work as does the connection with other people in recovery that comes with meetings and I would never discourage anyone from trying them out with an open mind. I just sit on my hands when clichés are used or untruths are repeated as doctrine. Find the right meeting and you will find people who are there to help one another and not Big Book bash.
A counsellor can be beneficial, if you can afford one. as they should act responsibly and safely, but try out at least three before committing to one and you may find a sponsor in a meeting who will listen without applying dogma, and who will automatically push back against questioning the 12 steps, as they see them. It was not until I started training in counselling that I appreciated how unsafe well-intentioned advice can be.
It sounds as though you need someone to listen and reflect, rather than a preacher. There are plenty of us on this app who will be pleased to listen to you.
Best wishes on finding a path that works for you. 
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Since you asked I’ll share my opinion of this thread. Like many alcoholics you appear to suffer from terminal uniqueness. It seems you have spent considerable energy trying to set yourself apart from the pack. I’m here to give you some good news. You are just a run of the mill drunk. You are not special, different or unique. This is good because it means you can get sober the same way the rest of us did. Which of course is listening to people who have gotten sober and following their directions. I know you think you need to talk to get sober, but you don’t. In fact you don’t know what you need to do to get, and stay, sober. If you did you wouldn’t need the help. Pull up a chair, read some threads and follow some suggestions. It’s okay not to know what you’re doing. None of us did when we first started.
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Additional info: I’m just turning 35 days. Right now I’m focused in changing my habits and daily routine, and continuing therapy/counseling. I know I’m VERY EARLY in my sobriety, but I’m doing WHAT I WANT and not following a recipe or cliche.
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i suggest you start reading these 2 threads:
Truth and Tough Love #2
Truth and Tough Love #3
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Join a zoom call with your local AA that is what helped me in my darkest days.
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More importantly the daily prayers AA mentors teach us( no need to brush etc, just get down to your knees and pray).
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Focus on 1 day at a time
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Avoid triggers - same routes, stores etc for the first 90 days
Good luck @Struggler
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I’d just like to add a point here, about the “5%” success rate of AA.
A lot of people get hung up on this, thinking it means that AA doesn’t work.
What this tells me is that there is no method to total sobriety that is 100% successful.
Not that 95% people are not satisfied with AA because it doesn’t work.
I think you’ll find, if you look up the statistics, that none of the programs are 100% successful, because we are dealing with people. People who are open to all sorts of changes mentally and emotionally that can have an affect on their sobriety.
All these programs are there to help people. The work comes from the individual.
The effort is from the drunk.
As I’ve said I’m not a AA regular, I’ve always said I’d go and do the steps if I started having problems with my own program.
So far after 650 days I’m still happy with the way I’m going.
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I’m sorry. Is this app for alcoholics only. That’s not my doc. I’m addicted to cocaine. Crack to be specific. And I relapsed today. I’m not homeless I own a business with several employees. The business is thriving it’s a situation where I have the opportunity and the funds. I’m not looking for an easy way out. Just a way out. I built this business on active addiction. I’m not a 24/7 addict. I’m a finish my day come home do a couple go to bed. But now with the lock down and all the time off it’s gotten out of control. I intend to go to an out patient place tmrw. I went Friday but they were closed. I don’t trust people becuase of my childhood and rest of life. Foster homes orphanages so I don’t talk to people well I had 4 friends 1 died alcohol poisoning 2 cancer and last one has days (cancer). I’m like crap. I have no one to talk to. So this is very helpful. I feel with the out patient rehab and this app the future is looking brighter. It’s easy to talk well type becuase no one knows me. I use to be a good man, integrity stand up Christian. Known for doing the right things. Now I’m just a guy struggling to get back I’m not a crack head it’s not all I do but I don’t want to do what I do. Every day I dial the dealer praying he doesn’t pick up. And he doesn’t. So what do I do? “Redial”. I pray he is out. If he is what do I do? Call another guy. And it’s like a trance I’m sitting there eating working or just napping then I pick up the phone and started dialing please forgive my spelling grammar and punctuation. I quit school in the 9th grade. So I only have an 8 grade education. Wow it felt good to be honest for once. Thank you.
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Sounds like a good plan. Let us know how it goes. 
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Sounds like you are very aware that something has to change, and that you really aren’t proud of who you are, despite the successes elsewhere in your life.
I can relate to that.
The hard work yet to come is, unfortunately, even harder when you have money and availability. You’re going to need to make a plan and put in some real effort. You’ve built businesses and success before, so treat your sobriety like a new business… Research and invest where you need to, and work, work, work to achieve your goals.
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I think this app is for all addictions. Just search, there’s a ton of information.
Good luck tomorrow
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I don’t have one
I’m inclined to agree with AyBee Bro , this isn’t an easy journey and you definitely aren’t going to agree with everyone in AA or NA , but think about it , is cliches really as bad as continuing the same self destructive patterns that have led you here searching for help in the First place? I rather be surrounded by alcholics and addicts who are atleast taking the steps to better their lives , even the ones I don’t agree with over the ones who are just continuing down the path of self Destruction and not self improvement. One of the biggest difficulty for me was finding a ’ Higher power’ because I was an Avid Atheist…or if I believed in God I hated him … still …I pushed forward, prayed to a higher power of my understanding …completed the 12 steps and now I’m content in my sobreity…if you want it you can do it bro … your the only one holding you back.
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Just going to AA/NA meetings and listening isn’t enough. You have to actually work the steps. The healing is in the action.
Real talk? You need to check your ego and self-will. Stop putting conditions on how people and institutions are “supposed” to treat you in recovery and sobriety. If you had all the answers, you wouldn’t be relasping over and over again. Listen to the people that have been through it and made it to the other side to tell the tale.
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I’ll tell you about myself, I drank because its what everyone I knew growing up did, than iveryone I hung out with did, than I did, alone, or in bars, cars, parks camping trips, weddings, christenings funerals, celebrations, social events, lonely nights, lonely mornings, road trips, plane trips, family visits, any reason I could rationalize. Iy was fun until it wasn’t anymore. Then as I aged those events grew less and less, not because of drinking ( or maybe it was a little) but mostly just the time that I’m at in my life. Grown and middle aged. But I didn’t stop drinking. I just did it alone mostly. Every now and again there’d be parties and friends and most even drank themselves. But when the party ended it was back to the real world. Life went on for them. Not for me, nothing changed, I just kept drinking. Put my wife and kids thru hell, put my physical and mental health thru hell. Than I gre ashamed, but I kep drinking, making excuses to myself and everyone else, tomorrow, I swear, ill stop. After the weekend, holidays, bbq, next party. Tomorrow. Tomorrow didnt come, I jusy kep drinking, mornings, afternoons evenings middke of the night, it didn’t matter, everyone was either sleeping, working, at school. I wasn’t hurting anybody, right. Nope. Just me. Ill save you the boring parts. Woke up one day and I’d had enough. 15 months, not a drop. Even went to social gatherings and they went well, until I thought like so many others, I got this just tonight. That was Christmas Eve, 2019. The following morning arrived 6 days ago. A solid 9 months. Same behavior, only worse. I stopped trying to pretend. I just said fuck it and went all in. Why 6 days ago. Because that morning I knew I was in a bad place. Kling myself with whatever was near, mostly vodka, shit I wouldn’t even pour a drink, just straight from the bottle, shot size sips at first, than bigger longer sips, than gulps like I couldn’t possibly get enough. What I realized the next day is, this behavior is going to kill me, no question. The shakes were terrible, my body hurt so bad I didn’t get out of bed but lying in bed offered no relief. lying there in bed convincing myself if I continue this way ill die, and feeling like it could be today, scared me like I’ve never been scared. I’ve been afraid I would die from drinking before but not like this. So that day I decided to stop, again. I know this was a book. But learn from it, everyone here has a story and their own reasons to get sober. Find yours before you can’t. I’m Sorry for the length of this, but you asked for real. BTW. Aug. 20, 2018 was my first sobriety date. I stopped than because of a pulmonary embolism, which in many cases are fatal, still wasn’t enough to keep me away.
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Sometimes the answer is inside us. We know the answer but we don’t want to face it. When you say you don’t want cliches thrown at you, I can’t help but think that you know all the cliches, you know what will be said, but you’re hoping that someone will come along and say something different so you don’t have to face what you already know.
Of course I could be wrong, but those are my thoughts. What is it that you would hope to gain with a sponsor? How do you feel that a sponsor would help you get clean? How stubborn are you? Would you listen to your sponsor if they told you things you didn’t want to hear?
I don’t have answers for you, but those are questions that might be good to ponder on if you haven’t already. Also, welcome to the forum. I really hope you can find something here that is helpful to you on your quest for sobriety.
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Thanks for sharing struggler, it’s a great relief sometimes to get it out there.
You will find that addiction is addiction, no matter the doc.
I would suggest, if you haven’t done already, to have a really good read around on here. Use the magnifying glass at the top to search any keywords and questions you may have.
If you do this you will find so many similarities with your story.
I, myself can understand that “trance” you talk about.
I would often tell myself that tomorrow I would not drink and yet the following morning I would find myself pulling into the gas station to buy alcohol and so my daily cycle would begin. Drinking on the way to work, going and buying more, and drinking at work and then on the way home and drinking at night.
Going to rehab is a good start, they, like AA/NA SMART, recovery Dharma , all programs, will give you the tools to help you quit and stay quit. But the work, the hard work, has to come from us. No one can do it for us. Hence the quote “it works if you work it”
The maxime One Day At A Time is the first thing you will be taught.
We only have control over today, we can’t change yesterday and we can not say what the future holds.
Today we can be clean/sober.
You will find that addictions are usually the symptoms of deeper lying problems and that’s where therapy would come in handy.
Part of your plan would be to delete your dealers numbers.
Remove all and everything connected with your doc from your life.
You are about to change your life but you can’t do that if surrounded by your old life.
Good luck at rehab today bud.
And remember that this app is here for you when you need to talk.
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Yes, this app is for all kinds of addictions. And yes, many of us were very functional users, living our lives, building businesses, raising families, doing drugs and or drinking all the while. Knowing we are caught up by our addiction and drug of choice and desperately needing to end our relationship with that drug.
Deleting and blocking all your dealers numbers would be a good first step and out patient sounds like a good idea as well. Keep us posted!
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Glad you are here. Glad you are interested in getting healthy.
I’m a martial arts teacher with 25 years experience and that may not be applicable, but I’ll try to be useful here.
You’ve asked for real talk, but in my experience people who ask for this are not ready for it. I dont think you want real talk from me.
I think that you should get another day under your belt. Then another. Just do that. Keep it really simple. Sobriety likely can’t happen until you surrender and submit yourself to this process, to the wisdom and the acceptance.
One of my most effective teachers was once pestered relentlessly by a seminar student on how to become the best, deadliest, speediest, hardest puncher. Over and over. He just kept asking for the magic secret. Finally the teacher just looked at him and said " Punch. A lot."
That was it.
So I would be really patient with the concepts and statements that you currently classify as cliches, because while not all will work for you- they likely work for someone. Try to avoid dismissing them, because you wouldn’t like to hear what has saved your life dismissed as pointless or trivial or annoying. Cliche can be a real trigger word.
Look and listen and absorb as much as you can. Be the sponge, or the empty cup.
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