Welcome back T 
You’re always welcome here.
Yep. So many of us have been there. That voice in the head seems so loud when we give it the space to speak with us.
That devil wants you alone, because that is where it has most power over you. So it talks to you secretly in your head. It encourages you to isolate yourself, sneak drink in here or there, justify more and more, until - inevitably - you end up sick, hungover, desperate and full of regret.
You need to get that devil out of your head. When you reach out - for example here: Checking in daily to maintain focus #41 or in a group like the ones here Resources for our recovery or here Online meeting resources - and you connect with people, share what you’re hearing from that devil, put it in words, it gives you a feeling of connection and understanding, that helps you kick that devil to the curb.
You need help. We all do. Take it one day at a time and reach out for connection and support every time you hear that voice. There is always someone to talk with.
Are you more afraid of detox, or of the continuing addiction? I bet you’re more afraid of what will happen if alcohol stays in your life. Yes the detox is hard. But the addiction is worse. So strap on your gloves and get ready to kick addiction’s ass.
Come here. Find a group (links above). Go daily. Go as many times as you need to go. Set a healthy expectation for yourself:
I have permission to do anything that’s safe and legal, to stay sober.
You can cancel or change plans, no reason required.
You can eat cake for dinner. (Who cares? It’s better than drinking. Don’t worry about food for now; you can tackle diet after getting your sober, stable legs.)
You can watch Netflix all day.
You can go to an amusement park and ride roller coasters all day. No planning required.
Etc etc.
Choose what’s your priority. Is your priority, your most important priority, being healthy and present, stable? If yes, you know what you need to do. Every other thing - work, life, family, respect - depends on that. So that is your priority.
Keep reaching out and don’t be shy. It’s a process: one day at a time. 