No pets. I have been keeping myself busy by trying to fix up the basement which was destroyed by a former tenant. I do keep the house neat and tidy and I do eat and try to rest. I don’t sleep that well. Thank you for understanding
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I see you’re looking after yourself. good man. if you need company come on here. lots of interesting threads to read around. wish you well my friend.
Thank you so much
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Still lost. Is there a way to private message? Or is this it?
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Still fucking lost, lonely, & despondent over losing my gal… this is really wearing me down.
Losing motivation to do anything, much less the tasks i need to do… 
Have you considered going to AA meetings? There you can learn to cope with your feelings and meet some new people. I find there’s nothing better to help me get thru the hardest days than with a bunch of people that understand and have been there themselves.
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I have been to AA meetings when I had dui’s. And I actually worked through nine steps. I definitely need to be around people to help cope, but I don’t like all the pressure to do steps. Because I really don’t want to do them.
Ok so it sounds like you’re not willing to follow the AA program. What are you willing to do to help yourself? How about a different program? Or counseling? Here’s a link for resources:
Resources for our recovery
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The thing is that i don’t have a problem staying sober. I quit on my own for 9 years once. This time it’s been two and a half months and I haven’t had one craving. I’m having trouble controlling my emotions about a breakup that has me lost and confused and borderline suicidal.
Part of me wants to hold on to hope that maybe we can work it out. The other me half of me knows that I need to just work on myself and move on so I don’t get hurt when she says there’s no chance. I’m stuck in purgatory and it’s a roller coaster and it’s pure torture.
My brain knows the steps I need to take concerning her, but my heart just won’t let me😔
I haven’t officially worked the steps with a sponsor, but attend faithfully AA meetings with my home group. It’s was absolutely key for me to get and stay sober, my AA group. I owe my life to them. Many AA members don’t officially work the steps or they wait a bit until they are ready and find a right sponsor. Please go to a meeting. Look at cO-dependency books and groups as well. Do you have a therapist?
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Yes I do. And I’m going to start seeing a psychiatrist on Friday
Excellent! I have a therapist and a psychiatrist. Being sober allowed me to be honest with them do I could be helped. Hang in there. Try to find some social activities that will support your sobriety.
I don’t know what social activities Id do. I’ve been looking online for men of divorce support groups and they’re all either online or they cost a lot of money. I do better in person I think. Zoom meetings make me feel like I’m in a fishbowl. Maybe I’ll just go to AA. Is there a title to a meeting that they don’t push you to do steps?
Honestly this sounds cliche but factual
When we break up with someone, on our end or they ended it we face those emotions, heartbreak sadness, a feeling of loneliness, half of it is because we shared so much of our life with this person and now it seems like we don’t know what to do.
Almost like having a routine set for years, and then out of nowhere it changes it’s like a punch in the gut:
The simple answer is, beg olead try and reconcile the relationship, but it makes you powerless and look desprésate, like your incapable of going at it without your partner, anyone will tell you that those tactics often lead to a pity relationship that’s short lived only dragging out the despair even more.
The right but difficult thing to do, acceptance, accept the relationship has cycled, and reached the end, it’s unfortunate but it happens everyday, it’s difficult, but doable, I lost a live in girlfriend of 2 years during rehab was it hard? Yeah. First thing I did, went and sought out a random for the rebound, it made it worse.
After I accepted that I it wasn’t going to be a happy reconciliation, or any reconciliation, I moved forward with improving myself, I focused on me, it’s a selfish program
My ex girlfriend didn’t help me get sober, I did that, my ex girlfriend didn’t fix my relationship with my kids, I did, I had to do things to make me a better person, and attract someone better when I’m ready, but currently I work for a great company, I am back to playing music hopefully full time again. And working on improving myself daily all things I couldn’t do if I had a spouse or partner that I had ti tend to on the regular
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Yes I know all about the concept that pathetic is very unattractive. I haven’t contacted her in 2 months except for a Christmas card to her family.
I’m definitely codependent. When I’m driving while running an errand or something, all I can think is that my life is all wrong. What am I going to do?
In my strong moments I know that I have to let go. But it could be an hour later and my heart feels like it’s going to implode because I “can’t live without her.”
All I can do is write it out Day by day. I’m going to see a psychiatrist on friday.
Lucky you. This is what makes it even harder. I’ve been on disability for almost 5 years and so would she and we live together. So it definitely strengthened the codependency. I don’t have any friends that live close in my kids are too busy to seem like they care. The isolation is the hardest part. I probably will be going to it AA meeting soon. No working no play makes Joel a very sad boy. Oh and by the way I used to be a working drummer playing around the city, but I had to give it up because my shoulders got too fried out.
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I know that feeling, im sorry you’re going through it. All I can offer is it takes time; sometimes a lot of time but eventually you’ll feel ok about life again. 
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Yeah I understand,
My ex kinda ran everything from
Paying bills to managing the house while I slept with a bottle, so doing it on my own was honestly a motherfucker.
AA I made some friends in, but I’m not a meeting goer it was more social hour to me, Vs a recovery tool.
Drummer? Cool, I’m mainly a guitar player but I can also play bass and drums, as a studio guy I was looking for ways to make myself for valuable, but 3 rotator cuff repairs makes it difficult for me to do a good set on a kit before dying, 2 hours in even with breaks towards the end I’m falling apart.
Another thing I can suggest, I have an app called meetup, free to download, and they have groups based on your interests. Most are free to join, some have a membership fee usually around 10 dollars for the year. But I met musicians, did some interesting things like, blue grass music where it was just a group jam of all skill levels, learned stock market stuff, sports things, video games you name it, a lot of the groups will have in person events to give you a chance to mingle,
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Yeah! So you know about shoulders and drumming. Both of my shoulders are so fried they need to be replaced. So do my knees, both of them. I’ve looked on Meetup and I didn’t find much, but I I think it’s probably because of the depression. I don’t have much interest in much anything anymore and my day is mundane in my routine of getting up and showering and eating breakfast watching TV for a little bit and going down in the basement to try to repair the damage an old tenant did and restore it to the level of getting another tenant in. Then dinner then sleep then rinse and repeat
Another tragedy of this whole situation is that she started menopause and the longer she was on it the less love she felt for me. And it turned into she wasn’t in love with me at all. That’s when my drinking got really heavy, and it turned into the perfect storm and the next thing I know she’s moving out. It happened so fast my head is still spinning. I’m barely able to wrap my mind around her being gone.
One good thing that happened out of all this is that I got sober. For life. I went on a six day Bender and tried to drink myself to death, and on the seventh day I woke up feeling like complete s*** and decided f*** that. I’m done.
And oh yeah another thing - I’ve lost 25 lb since she’s been gone.
I barely ate for those 6 days, and the stress of all this I think is just making the weight fall off
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this isnt getting better