I didnt even knew my addictions were killing my relationship, then suddenly one day everything explotes and he breaks up with me and tells me to move out. Im still in shock cause i wasnt aware of my behavior and cause he didnt even gave me a chance to try and change. I feel devastated, i feel like i want to die… so this is my first day off everything. My heart and my soul are broken. I feel i dont have any strength to go on but here i am…
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All you can do is clean up for yourself if that’s what you want to do. You never know what may happen in the future with that relationship. You’re among friends here. You’ll find great reads and good advice in this community. Welcome, I wish you came here under better circumstances but the truth is that must of us joined at a rock bottom. I wish you well.
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I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you. Addiction is a terrible thing that steals our lives while offering empty promises of pleasure and escape. Welcome to the forum, though I’m sorry it’s under such difficult circumstances. You are among people who understand pain and loss that has come from addiction. I wish I could tell you things will be easy, but they won’t be. I can tell you that if you stick to getting clean/sober, life will improve in many ways.
I know you love him, but you can’t do this for him; you must do it for you. Learn to love yourself as much, if not more, than you love him.
I wish you the best, and I invite you to come back to this forum often–to use it as a tool in your sobriety kit.
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Sorry to hear that Laura. It really is heartbreaking. Addiction buries us and in the process it buries our relationships too.
There is a way out. Getting clean and building a new sober life will help. Be careful because that “addict voice” is still in the background and after a few days (maybe weeks) when the paint of the breakup isn’t as sharp you will hear her: “oh one will feel good, we can pick it up on the way home”. That’s a lie and you know it 
Be prepared for that and start really making a change, to your habits and to your routine. Try a meeting - it’s a great place to learn and to meet people who will help! There’s AA, SMART recovery, and so many other good programs. Find one you like:
There’s lots of good stuff online too:
Remember: the only thing you can control is you, today. The past is the past and the future hasn’t happened yet. Your life is you, making your choices today. Don’t give up - you can do it 
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It sucks & sorry to hear about your relationship. Life hits us square in the mouth when it’s time… mine was jail & damn near losing everything. I think maybe this is life trying to make you aware also.
Please use it as a motivator and do things differently or I can promise you something like this will happen again. Living healthy and happy is what you deserve, no two ways about it. Hugs & welcome to TS!
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Been where you are. For me instinctively I knew what I had to do to heal. Train my mind, my spirit and my body to overcome the pain. And I did. It took time and effort, determination grit and persistence, but I got through it. So can you.
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Im sorry to hear about your relationship. It’s a major life event and can be incredibly difficult to get through.
Last July, my engagement ended and I ended up moving out of our apartment and to a new state. I spent the next 6 months drinking and trying to forget. Now that I’m sober, all the feelings I tried to numb are back and I have to face them.
I’m glad you’re getting sober. Right now, it probably seems impossible to move forward but one day you’ll look back at this moment and realize you’re stronger than you think. (That’s what my Dad said to me when my life turned upside down. Didn’t believe him at the time but he was right, of course. Smart guy haha)
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I have been there.
4 years we lived together, got into a huge fight with other things over boiling but my drinking and drug use really finished the deal it was the elephant in the room.
I volunteered to go to counseling, get help but refused to help myself, I continued to drink heavily despite it being a central point, I went to to detox and rehab, and she broke it off while I was there. I still tried and didn’t help. Things got worse, I accepted the end of the relationship and decided it wasn’t to be the end of my sobriety.
I have recovered from the relationship and have about a year and a half sober, in the beginning It didn’t seem possible, and Here I am, much better on the other end, keep your head up, the results are amazing
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Welcome! This is a great first step. In the process of getting sober, I really learned how I was as an active alcoholic. I cannot imagine the pain and heart break you are going through.
The good news…life will get better.
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I was married to my first wife 13 years then it ended i was gutted but two weeks after i left i went to AA and sorted my self out two years later got divorced still sober 6 years later got married again still sober coming up for 28 years married this july that was over 35 years ago now still sober . hard at the beginning but does get better wish you well
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