Welcome Louis - I hear you, that is a hard place to be. My father’s family has some pretty complex mental illness stuff happening too; it breaks your heart.
I would say your first step is to keep reaching out for help, and keep sober. Nothing will be better by drinking or using; staying sober will help you face life clearly.
There are many recovery resources that can help you do that:
Resources for our recovery
For the mental health, I would suggest seeking medical / psychiatric support. Can you get to a psychiatrist? Maybe see a medical doctor and ask for a referral?
Wishing you peace friend. Don’t give up. Don’t ever give up. Take it one day at a time.