Woof. Unpacked some serious business in therapy today and I’m spent. It was extra exhausting cause it blindsided me. Did NOT see that coming but out it popped. So that’s a thing. Why are brains so dumb!? I’m tired.
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Holy crap that’s deep af, thank you for sharing this!!! 
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Thank you 
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seriously, I was just thinking this about brains yesterday!! I admire your perseverance in therapy. Looking back when I had what popped out as a deep sadness from a moment that lasted one day at 6 yrs old, that didn’t register much past the quick memory, because I got good at stuffing it-never let myself just feel it, recognize it, for years, turned out to be such a good release…
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Oh man. I hope it feels like release over the next few weeks while
We work on it. I was just talking along and I was like “oh look! A trauma!” And suddenly so many of my patterns of behavior made so much sense. And as soon as I remembered the one trauma a whole flood of memories poured in just like that one. And I was like “what the hell? WHERE HAS ALL THAT BEEN HIDING IN THERE!!??” So yesterday it felt tiring and surprising and also like a lightbulb moment. But also VERY unsettling.
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So much so right unsettling!…I’m right there w you- tears that needed expression for years. And yes! That’s how the ice cubes helped snap me out of it I was waaayyy out of it lol eyes glazed over scared trouble socializing putting sentences together and feeling numb at the same time. Like trying to think my way out of the feeling was useless and I at first you know lol suffer before I’ll try something because I think I got this… I had enough to try whatever suggestion and it helped get me through. Did you do like a timeline earliest memories approach?
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And lol! What is w brains making the most impactful statement right when it is absolutely the least helpful thing to say. Why not say something in a gentle loving self acceptance or self acceptance way. I heard a statement that said whatever the brain repeats, the heart needs to heal. But seriously even after doing the work-enough is enough sometimes 
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No i actually was like “so therapy guy, this tiktok I saw really triggered me but I don’t know why. It was like instant panic attack within 5 seconds of the video. Weird huh?” And then when I was describing that 5 seconds of video out loud I started shaking and like 20 memories shoved their way in! And I was like “what the hell brain!?”And he was like “sounds like ptsd. Next week let’s do a worksheet to see if it fits the bill” tbh my childhood was pretty shitty. BUT I e gone my whole life going “I’m fine and well balanced! I am a miracle of normalcy considering my youth!” So turned out THATS not true 
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Whoa… makes me glad for you that you had a safe space to explore it soon after? Wow that’s an impact makes me glad you were safe for the most part. Yup…intriguing about the shaking part… 20! And to think 1 is enough… the brain so rude!!! Lol not lol! Like it has no empathy, completely lacks a filter, and is nearly unseen as in a mute button at the very least. I can identify. In My adult life the longer that I was exposed to certain dynamics in my ex marriage and employment at the time 3 years ago, my head began to tremor. So looking back now it’s ok that I have answers, however a whole series of tests were done, medication, CAT scans everything and they couldn’t find anything. So come to find out it was the actual dynamics and unattended to trauma all in one- creating the tremors but they started creeping in slowly at first and it started with a boss at work and the dynamics for lack of better terms was just unhealthy. Yes I get the shaking part absolutely. And yes the whole I’m fine after all that in childhood- I was always told I was able to just take things in stride always felt like the calm fun loving person for the most part but it accumulated then came out in adverse ways later due to stuffing it. So glad your on the road to being ok.
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Me too and I’m glad you also have a safe place to work through all that.
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I don’t know if this is ok to share here but I REALLY struggle with this. And a thing that has really helped that therapy guy told me was “you don’t have to be happy. You don’t have to feel joy. Stop asking yourself if you’re enjoying stuff and just be present.” So then I do the 5,4,3,2,1 thing (5 things thou can see, 4 things you can hear… ya know with all your senses) and it makes me feel more connected to the moment and I stop worrying g about if I’m “happy about it” and start thinking about if I’m connected to it. It has been such a mental shift for me. Hope that helps someone.
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I hear you. We get caught up in thinking ‘happy’ is what we ‘should’ be feeling. We have lots of emotions available to us, it is okay to feel them.
And I agree . . . being present and connected . . . Keeps me grounded as well. Thanks for sharing!!
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I do the same thing!
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