I love this.
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I liked this…
"I understand now.
That life is a balance between longing and letting go.
Between pain and healing.
The fall and the rise.
Chance and choice.
We are all on a journey here.
Learning how to walk and take giant steps forward.
We are both sinner and saint in various forms,
to certain degrees.
We have all been the monster in the movie at some point,
and the savior in others.
I understand now.
That where I am today is not where
everyone is on their journey.
We need to accept that,
and trust that deep down,
their roots are growing too. "
~ Natalie Peralta
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Love this!! And needed it today, thanks.
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This felt really needed to share with my self and my daughter today and I also thought it might resonate for you…
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I love this. We really do get to choose who we spend our precious time with. It’s important.
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I don’t have a meme for this, but I wanted to put this out there. We are often called to be of service to others in recovery. I believe we need to be of service to ourselves, first. I know it’s not a black or white thing, it can be a both/and situation as opposed to either/or. If we don’t have the emotional bandwidth to be there for others it’s okay to focus on ourselves. I’m not here at full capacity all the time for that very reason. It’s okay. Just wanted to share my thoughts.
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I have had an extremely challenging month…in fact, in my just shy of 62 years, this January hits in the top 5 of most stressful, pain filled, challenging and draining in every sense. So many family upheavals and revelations and health challenges. All 3 of our adult children are dealing with deep trauma and one with a very uncertain and bleak future (and much of their trauma brings up my own), my husband and I both had covid, my elderly parents both have covid (I am worried for my Mom especially), my Mom has a significant cognitive decline since I saw her last, my incarcerated brother was transferred twice with the last one being out of state…and our beloved grandson is hitting himself and saying he wishes he were dead (something that he has expressed in the past). There is more, and it is heavy, but I think that expresses enough the challenges of January. Ooph…breathe.
I control what I can, tend to what is mine and offer the support that I am able. I have reached out to some therapist collectives in the area for assistance. I use my tools for self care. Still my life is a shitshow and there are a lot of tears, pain and helplessness + stress.
My husband and I are doing ‘as well as can be expected’ individually and supporting and holding each other up well and tenderly, a blessing…with the occasional stressed out bicker and harsh word…marriage.
It is overwhelming at times for sure. Have I thought of drinking or taking a big ass dose of my anti anxiety meds to zone TF out? Yes, I have. I have also considered checking out. I remind myself that life will always do life and none of us gets thru without the ups and downs. And I especially remind myself that if I woke up with a hangover and regret it would be 
times, no 1,000 times worse. There is literally no solution in alcohol or numbing drugs for me. I am grateful I know that. I still am in pain, and am clear on that.
So I share this to remind myself of what I have fought so hard for…being present, being me, shit and all, being available for those who need me, being here, now…in all the mess. Breathing in, breathing out. Life throws a lot at us all and none of us are immune from struggle. I don’t deal with it perfectly or react to it even close to well sometimes. I let people down and make poor decisions at times. But I am sober and grateful for the clarity that sobriety has brought me. I never in my wildest dreams a few years ago would have been capable of handling all this without substances.
Thanks for listening to my mental health brain dump. 
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Sending you the biggest hug and good vibes. I want to say more, but for now I will just say thank you for sharing with us and trusting us with your truth as it is right now.
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Sending so much care 
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Thank you. 
I had Wintering in my cart, but hadn’t checked out (haha), will purchase now.
As Pema says…
“Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again.”
be well
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