Thank you @OolongJones , @KANJ98 , @SinceIAwoke , and @Looking4Support !
Hello! This post will be a current inventory, reflection, and expression of gratitude on the people and things in my life that are supportive on my sober journey, and some challenges/obstacles I have to keep strategies for. It will be a long post. Trigger warning on brief backstory sentences on past alcohol consumption.
I’ll start with the good, in no particular order.
-My very close friend G. He is probably the guy friend I hang out with the most the past three years. While he is still a social occasional drinker, he also mixes in full dry months a couple of times a year, and like some other of my friends, has a good array of non-alcoholic options and activities at his house if we end up there. We are both coffee enjoyers, and I offer him a tea or coffee when he’s over.
-My friend K. K is a guy friend I hang out with about once a month. He quit alcohol cold turkey back in March. He had a “diaper party” back at his house with a group of us guys who were all expecting fathers as a ‘last hurrah’. I had enough and ubered home by midnight, but the rest of them ended up on an all night pub and house party crawl. He had a 3 day hangover - including sleeping the full day after - and that was his last straw. Not a drop since then. We just had him over for Thanksgiving, and he carried his own ice water bottle. He also, like me, keeps his fridge stocked with good quality non-alcoholic non-pop options. Because we’ve had so many overlapping stages of life, he is great for my support system.
-Every person in my life who was an alcoholic or heavy drinker in the past has either quit (My Dad, who I am very close with, is in this boat), or I don’t see them anymore (those were only the sports buddies). My life evolved this way the past 3 years without me putting any effort into that. I’m extremely grateful for that; it is a nice feature of my life.
-Let’s talk about organized sports. From 2002-2022, I played in somewhere around 45 total summer and winter sports leagues. Pretty much all of them involved having drinks afterwards, going home to a crappy sleep, and waking up the next morning exhausted. I can’t think of any exceptions to that. Having a baby this past spring cut organized sports out of my life this year, which has been a real eye-opener.
I won’t spend any more hours with people I wouldn’t hang out with outside of those sports drinking activities.
Next time I join a league, it will not be anything resembling a “beer” league. There are many good options in my city for people who enjoy the sport itself and camaraderie, and don’t need alcohol included, which is what I will stick with.
On the other side - Situations I have to maintain my strategies for
-Music festivals and concerts. Relatively self-explanatory. There is a music festival in my city that I go to every summer with a core group of friends. The festival is behind the times with beverage options, and non-alcoholic options are limited to coffee/fountain pop/water/overly sugared expensive lemonade with a big lineup. The key here is to just stick with water, and throw some electrolytes in the bottle if I need something to keep energy up. Coffee between shows. Nice. That strategy has worked very well in the past for me in long festivals where I had to work the next day and couldn’t be exhausted.
-Wineries. Breweries and winery tours/dinners are a thing that happens a few times a year with my close friends. I’m grateful every single brewery I’ve been to has good quality non alcoholic options. So far I’ve only been to one winery dinner where I had to stick to coffee and fountain ginger ale - most of them are much better for non-drinkers these days. I’m comfortable at this point with my strategy.
-I also always keep good quality nonalcoholic champagne in my fridge,in case there is a toast, or we are at my house on New Years. I have done this since about 2013, as I don’t think it is right to assume guests need to lower their standards if they are avoiding alcohol.
For the people on here that insist on avoiding events with alcohol early in sobriety: I respect your decision, and I hope that works for you, but it is not for me, and not compatible with my social life.
If you’ve read this far, thank you, and I hope you enjoy your day. Either way, I think it is healthy for me to put my thoughts in writing out in the world somewhere, and read them myself afterward.
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November 2-6 2023
This will be the biggest test so far of my commitment to sobriety and avoiding the cheap fast fun of abusing alcohol.
My wife is going away on a work trip with colleagues for 5 days, and I have to stick around home for work. I’ve got a daunting, mile-long to-do list of household tasks and projects (as so many of us do!).
I’m going to stay sober and present, having a productive but restful and restorative few days.
When I need a break from the to-do list, rather than head to the vices, I promise to myself to do one of the following instead:
-get back into the home gym, even if I’ve already been there
-get back into menu planning and food prep, even if I think it’s done already
-get on the yoga mat with no excuses. Repeat: no excuses.
-do a meditation, even if I’ve done one recently
-pick up a book and read a full chapter
This will all pay off when I pick my wife up at the airport, and no doubt when I’m still paying interest on consumer debt in spring/summer 2024 — at least it won’t be from stocking up on cheap fun in November 2023.
Peace and well-being to anyone reading this. 
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A few quick notes on my thread!:
I’m about to hit day 32 on my current streak. This is now my longest streak since I started a 22-year period of heavy alcohol use at age 17 in high school.
I am turning 40 this week! It will be my first sober birthday as an adult. Honestly, the best things I could ask for for my birthday with my little family would be a decent sleep and a bit of a productivity break.
I am taking some time away from my office, and going travelling for 6 weeks with my wife and daughter! I will be using my phone sparingly, so likely won’t be checking in here until the week of Christmas.
Take care of yourself. Best wishes to you on your journey.
See you on here soon
-PT
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Back to day 1, unfortunately.
Guys night out at the hockey game last night got the upper hand on me.
I thought I was past drinking to the point of F-ing up my sleep and next day, but I’m not there yet.
Back to ODAAT, and hopefully getting a decent streak back going.
On the plus side, I got my daughter ready early this morning, and put together a beef stew in the slow cooker, and have hustled with work so far. Hopefully I can still be useful and helpful at home tonight.
Sorry to hear. I found it really helpful to avoid situations where I would be tempted until I felt a little more solid in my ability to say no. I also found it helpful to remember why I was no longer drinking.
I kept a long list of why on my phone and when I felt like ‘just a drink or two’ I read that list and it reminded me of the reality of drinking versus the fantasy. Might be helpful for you as well.
Glad you are still here. Don’t give up. It takes what it takes.
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It sounds like a slip for you and not a full blown relapse. You got this man. Stay grateful and positive
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Day 95.
For the first time in years as of yesterday, i’ve gotten to a great place at my office work where I’m able to keep up, and i don’t have any major looming deadlines stressing me out.
I now don’t have any excuses to keep putting off my housework projects, neglecting my weight training, and avoiding a distance ed course I’ve been postponing since October.
I’m getting a hard reminder this week of how dependent I’ve been on external sources of dopamine and stimulation to ‘medicate’ and get through my days for pretty much my entire adult life. You know them. Internet addiction, after-work drinks, lounging around, etc.
It’s just me versus life now. Fighting through the distraction temptations every waking minute of the day.
Bring it on.
I’ve got this.
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Back to zero.
I’m ashamed and angry at myself.
I had a friend over to watch the hockey game, he showed up with beer, and I had one pouring for myself even knowing it was a terrible idea. Then one after another. I ate like crap, skipped the gym, and didn’t get a bunch of stuff I wanted done last night.
Today I am about to get out of bed on 3 hours of crappy sleep, and have to pack my family for a huge long Europe trip (leaving this afternoon). It’s my biggest day of the year so far, and I blew it. I f*cked up.
I put alcohol above my daughter, my wife, my health, my house, and everything else that matters most to me.
I need to re-read this post next time I’m thinking I’ve ‘beat’ alcohol, because I haven’t right now.
I’m ready to admit I can’t do it alone anymore, and I will be seeking external help.
Thank you for reading.
All the best on your journey.
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Sorry about the relapse. That’s rough. You’re right, you can’t do it alone. I relapsed countless times before I finally realized the one tool I was missing in my sober toolbox was community. This community has made all the difference for me. I check in every day on the check in thread to help me set my intention. I get inspiration to keep going from reading here. Sometimes I vent. Sometimes I offer some encouragement or thoughts. It’s all good. Whether you find your community here or in real life, use it!
Hugs and strength and love to you! 
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Recovery can be very challenging.
I have learned that nothing changes if nothing changes.
Reading from the inception of this thread seems to support that.
For me, it was a program (AA) in my case that provided me the tools for change.
I would suggest getting a program and working it.
For me, keep it simple. “Don’t drink and go to meetings.”
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I spent years trying to figure out how I could drink without it turning into a shitshow. Thinking those times where I drank and didn’t blackout or break something or myself or do xyz somehow meant I was okay to drink. Made up all sorts of rules…only weekends, water in between, only white wine, and on and on and on (aka bargaining). I kept thinking drinking was offering something positive to my life somehow or that I was a social drinker or didn’t have a serious problem (aka denial and delusion). Alcohol was sucking my life and soul and ruining me and all around me. Why was I grasping so hard to hold onto it?
In letting go of it, I got my life back, and you can to. Romantizing alcohol or thinking you can crack the code is just wasting more years of your life. Getting clean is hard, it takes time, but it is 100% worth it. So much more comes into your life when alcohol and denial exit.
Stick around, read, reach out, journal, walk, take each minute as it comes. Don’t drink.
Believe in yourself. Let that shit go.
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Hey there, im so sorry to hear about ur relapse. I was reading through some of ur posts on this thread and i noticed that watching hockey/concerts etc and having friends over who drink, seems to be a hard time for staying sober. I know that initally, i had to make changes to what I was used to doing in order to stay clean and sober. I cant have one foot in the problem and one foot in recovery. It just doesn’t work like that. Avoiding certain people, places, and events that could pose a problem is crucial in early recovery. Do your friends know that you have quit? It may be beneficial to tell them so that they can be a support for u as well and not bring alcohol into ur view.
Surrounding urself with positive, recovery related people and environments helps DRASTICALLY. Meetings are great if ur into that 
And then of course reminding urself of why u quit (like u mentioned). I actually wrote my reasons down on paper and carried this list with me everywhere. In the moment, when im craving to use drugs, its hard for me to remember off the top of my head what my reasons are for quitting. My mind lies to me constantly and will forget what those reasons are. So if im reading something tangible, it certainly helps to remind myself of why im on this journey. Good luck moving forward friend. Take it 1 day at a time.
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Maybe you drank because you had some nerves about the trip. Maybe you were self-sabotaging this huge trip.
Regardless, you drank. Today you don’t have to. Do today tired, get some rest tonight or tomorrow and enjoy your trip. Revisit this post if you feel like you can moderate.
Moderation doesn’t exist in addiction. Start again.
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Your story is sooooo similar to mine. I recognized alcohol was a problem a long time ago and spent ten years trying to “control” in a lot of the ways you described (trying to set limits, conditions, strategies, etc) and failed over and over. I’m now two months sober and I’ll tell you what finally made a huge difference for me. For the first time in my life, I acknowledged OUT LOUD and to a small number of people in my life that I’m an alcoholic. One of them also took me to an AA meeting. From this, I gained this incredible support network that I didn’t have before, as well as some social accountability. It sounds to me like you’re still struggling because you’re still trying to deal with it alone. You need support and sometimes you have to ask for it. Best thing I ever did.
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This is key friend. We do get a false sense of security in our sobriety and we tend to forget the horror/ shit shoe it was when we were drinking. We tend to think " I’ve made it this far 
I bet I have this licked and can moderate" or " I was able to quit for this long…I’m sure I can do it again ". These are lies our addict mind feeds us.
Don’t beat yourself up over the relapse. Gather your tools and strength and work hard on protecting your sobriety. ODAAT 
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The opposite of addiction is connection.
But please realize that when people refer to this statement, they mean good connection. I encourage people to have good connection, having others in my life caring about me, looking out for my personal and spiritual growth.
But there’s this other connection that I consider bad connection. An example would be drinking buddies. This type of connection is so bad that one would be way better off to be alone with no connection than to settle for bad connection.
Friends who do not love recovery will not help me do recovery.
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Absolutely.
I bookmarked a post of mine to look back on when I was tempted.
It was still bookmarked, so I had a look. So glad to not be there anymore.
For me I had to have a structured program. I did AA, but it could be anything. But get focused and make getting sober your absolute priority.
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