I have been sober for 5 month… and I relapse and everything is back to darkness again. I am addicted to crack cocaine… my life became unmanageable. My wife is aware of my addiction but not on this last relapse she is doing all she can to support me but again I disappointed her … I do see this coming that I will lose everything. I do have suicidal thoughts because I just can’t live without my wife and son. I need to stay sober . I need to do it for them they deserve it and also for myself. Any advise please tell me really need help
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Hello @Faisalb and welcome to this place. I’m sorry you’re going through all that fear and pain. What are you doing to stay clean and sober? Are you working a program? Therapy? Counceling?
I suggest reading around here and do what has helped others. There’s lots of information and live support on this forum. It can be a great assett but it’ll most likely not be enough on its own.
Here are some helpful links
Advice for the Newcomer and Constant Relapser
Good luck!
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I would start with the source. Who you are in contact with, who uses the substance, who provides the substance. These things need to be deleted from you life, your phone, and your environment.
I would find a support group, rehab, or therapy. Addiction is very complicated but very possible. It sounds like you have a goal. I’m sorry you are struggling. It’s tough. But the limited info I have that’s my best advice.
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Thank you very much, I am going to meetings almost every day, I got a sponsor now and need to be back to my routine and focus. I went on vacation and that interrupted my routine, and that leads to what i am at now. Need to be back to routine now, I am starting new job Monday which will be goos to have purpose of day and not to be bored…. Again thank you
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Hi and welcome to the community 
I also was addicted to cocaine.
For me though i was at a point where i didnt get high from it, or a nice buzz anymore all it did was create me walking around like a zombie paranoid and anxious of everything. This kind of made it easier to stop.
When ever i would pick up some before id even leave the house id feel horrible because i knew i was going to feel crap after taking it. And it was strong stuff too so i would get worried id have a heart attack and taking it everyday and spending all my money on it and basically everything i did was either waiting around for the dealer to be ready or trying to get high its all i did as well as drinking and trying to get drunk in all the seconds inbetween.
You can do this and stop, its not easy at first as the withdrawals and mental side of quitting happens around day 5 when we feel energised and ready to go again. But dont give into it, because i can tell you life isnt perfect but i definitely am in a better place and i do get cravings sometimes but i have to remind myself how i imagine it would be is not how it would be, its stopped being fun years ago i was just fooling myself.
Keep reaching out here and take a read around also if you can get to meetings that will help you meet people who have been where you are and you can talk and get support in a safe place.
Its great you have the support from your partner, i always find for me that usually the caring people around me id just let down because they love me and wont be tough on me and tough love is what we need in the beginning.
You can do this and im glad your here with us because the people here are totally supportive and amazing 
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Glad to hear. Routine was also a great factor in my early sobriety. Still am a sucker for it.
Sounds to me like you’re on the right path with meetings and sponsorship. Take inventory of your relapse, work through it, grow from it. You can do this.
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Welcome here @Faisalb. So good you found us. Relapses are hard. I am sorry you have to go through this ditch again. Take some time to regroup and figure out, what made you go back to your drug of choice. And then make a plan, of how to do it better next time. After all, you’ve been sober for 5 months before. That is really really awesome! You can be really proud of this and you can definately do it again. Maybe a group meeting will help, like NA? I found asking for help and sharing, when the thought of using/drinking came up, really made all the difference for me. 
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Hi Twizzle,
Thank you for the share I relate a looot to what you said… really it was a point I don’t even understand whyyyyy im doing it if it drives me crazy and be like zombie walking every checking windows !!! And yes same spending money, waiting and waiting for dealer… just insane, so yes it is now my life becomes unmanageable and can’t loose my loved ones I just can’t afford it and if I do I will just die
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Thata great you are going to meetings
I think that is so good, you seem to have a good idea of how to get on track.
I think with you getting support at meetings that will take the strain off your relationship and hopefully lets your partner see your serious.
And it means she can be there for you and hold your hand but you also have a place with meetings to go when everything feels too much.
Definitely i can tell you life will be good for you 'and you are strong enough to do this and im so happy your here with us because this place and the people here saved me from that visous cycle and we are here for you your not alone anymore.
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Hi @Pandita thank you so much for your reply…
All of sudden after I have been doing so well after I got back From vacation, cravings start and did not stop at all… and I was weak to let it go through me after 5 month of peace… I will reach out when I feel the beed to use call someone and talk about it great idea. Before I only go to action quickly.
Thanks again appreciate it
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Alot of us check in daily here on this thread when your ready come over an take a read and say hi
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Welcome to the community.
Personally speaking, alcohol was my poison; I don’t have the experience when it comes to other recreational drugs, but addiction is addiction.
Firstly, it’s great to see that you’re attending meetings, have a sponsor and will be starting a new job. The job will help to motivate you, and to give you a sense of purpose and belonging. For the last couple of months of my drinking days, I was unemployed & just found myself drinking out of boredom, this eventually spiralled and became daily, it also became worse and worse, and I might as well have been throwing my money from the top-floor of a high-rise building because I was spending so much. This changed once I started working, and it motivated me to get my life back on track.
Meetings, and/or therapy or counselling, along with a sponsor will help with everything else. It’s so much easier said than done, but you said you had been sober for 5 months; that’s a fantastic achievement! You need to do this for your wife & son, but firstly, you NEED to want to do this for yourself. Without any doubt. Once you have that realisation, then you have taken the first positive step.
I don’t personally have children of my own, but I ended up losing my partner through my addiction. She did everything she could to help me, but the warning signs were there, and I did little to stop it. At the time, I was fearful of sobriety and living a clean life, but after she decided to leave me, it began the catalyst of changing my life. There is no opportunity there now for rekindling of any kind; we still speak, but strictly platonically. After years of being together, that hurts, and I have nobody but myself to blame. I now have to live with that for the rest of my life.
Please, don’t be the same. Confide in the support network you have & take it very slowly - even if it’s an hour at a time. It sounds like you have fantastic people around you, including your wife & son - please cherish that; help yourself to help others.
Always remember, as a community, we are here for you. Please take care.
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Welcome Faisal! Well, a lot of good advices here, and some good resolutions from you, looks like you’re on a good path. Keep it up…
I’ve made promises, tried softly to get rid of my own addictions years ago, but I wasn’t very serious and my wife finally quit me, and I can see our daughter only a few days a month now.
In a way, I lost everything that really mattered. The woman I love, and most of the time I could spend with my daughter.
I gain sobriety since then. Now I can celebrate it in front on my mirror. Please, don’t do that. It seems that you already know what you got, keep it, it’s largely enough as a motivation 
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Hi @AEGFletcher wow such a touching message, I am sorry to hear about your partner… I totally understand. Thank you for the support
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Hello @Pat_m thank you for your honesty and kind words… I have to do all I can to keep my family this is my biggest motivation and I do onow that after this I don’t have other chances my wife gave me 3 chances already…. This it for me if I don’t do it right it’s over
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