I’m a stay at home mom and he does bring in all the money and normally he would have been fine with me trying to get a car but lately every time I say something about getting a car he always always say something about us not being able to afford it but he loves to gamble and I was drinking so with those two things cut out yes we can more than afford it. When we had two car notes at one point we was bringing in way less money than we are now and my aunt lives with us and pays 600 per month and she is going to help pay the car note since she wrecked my car. So it’s like why not let us start the process to get the car. Unfortunately I can’t go get a car without him because I don’t work so his name has to be on it too but yeah it suck’s
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I don’t understand. Why can’t you buy a car? Buying a car has nothing to do with having a job where you get paid. You can afford it - you buy it. What did I miss in the middle?
I lived in the US myself and had no problems buying a car as a non-citizen.
So when I started looking for a car each place I looked asked about if I was employed and when I said I was a stay at home mom they would always say my husband had to be a signer on the car since I didn’t have any income even though we have a joint account where all the money goes. So unless I missed something that’s why I stopped looking before because he was on the road and it was impossible to coordinate with when he would be home to sign for the car
Also I wanted to go back to the same car lot where my husband has gotten his last two cars and my first car 5 years ago that was wrecked because they have good cars that tend to last a long time and since we have paid off 3 cars through them now they give us a good deal without all that up selling stuff.
Oh girl - i am sorry your day turned so crappy yesterday. Stay at home mom with two young girls to take care of is not an easy task (it’s more than a full time job). I am at a loss for words.
I think you should revisit the car situation as its not just for your mental sanity but also a safety issue if something were to happen - you don’t need to be waiting around for an uber or whatever.
Has your hubby given up the gambling? Cause otherwise what you have laid out below seems like you can totally afford to get a another vehicle.
You should also have an account in your name (not just joint). I know many ladies that work as a stay at home wife/ mother and money weekly from their husbands. Not sure if this is something you would be able to bring up with your husband.
You are doing so damn well with your sobriety and all the added stresses. Please do not let him be the reason you relapse. You are worthy of a healthy addiction free life. We are here for you love - vent away and i do hope that writing it out here helps.
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Technically no he has not stopped gambling all together. I’m actually the one who introduced him to gambling and at one point while he was on the road he got way out of hand spending thousands a week so he slowed down but he still gambles around 100 or more each well from what I’ve seen on the back records and he tends to transfer money from the account to his little chime prepaid card or Apple Pay so I’m not sure what he does with that money.
I told him when I got sober that he may need to look into giving up gambling but he doesn’t think he has a problem he just got out of hand because he was lonely in the road.
He makes really great money to be honest and we can afford to get me a car he just seems to drag his feet about it or don’t think it’s a priority.
It’s been so burning today without a car. It was also raining so we couldn’t walk anywhere either. When I told my aunt that my husband had other plans for the money she giving me to help replace the car she wrecked she was upset because she has been working hard and so much overtime so I can get a car and she was hoping it could happen this week. I told my husband I’m going to drop him off tomorrow he was like well you need to take the car to get an oil change using the money I’m getting tomorrow smh. I also tried to talk to him about making a plan to get me a car and I was trying to get one this week and he would just sit silent or just say unhuh. I finally told him every time I say something about getting me a car he never has a conversation with me about doing it. Then he said well if we have the money this week we can try but we gotta pay this and that and I just got so upset I hung up.
I feel like the focus has been taken off my sobriety journey and since he has been home things have not been happy at all.
I hope we can get into counseling soon for my sanity and sobriety or I don’t know if I will make it sober living with him. I don’t feel independent anymore and I know it’s just a car but it’s also my home I had things the way I wanted them and was working to get my home cleaned and together but since he came home it’s just been a mess and doesn’t look like I did much of anything.
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If I have to get a job and make him move out or something until we can get on the same page then that’s what I have to do because I’m not going back to who I was a week ago.
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WOW - this was intense day for conversations for you and for you to leave it with these thoughts and your 1 week milestone is amazing! I am sorry you are not feeling independent and I do hope that you are able to regain that feeling for yourself.
Kicking ass Dnaielle for you and your girls! I am super proud of you!
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The first step is always the hardest but you took it and you’re here.
Welcome to the community. Keep coming back and sharing your story 
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Hey Hey!! Congratulations!
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I don’t know you, but i LOVE this for you!!! 
You are a strong, independent woman!!!
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I agree with @Ballroomdaze after reading what you’re going thru, to see you face this really tough situation with such a warrior’s attitude of courage and determination to build the better reality you know you can have - is just remarkable! i hope you’re feeling proud of yourself because you have such an awesome fight in you and it’s beautiful! & inspiring! you know what you want and you know you deserve and require better than this - so regardless something’s gotta change! i love how you’re recognizing how much power and freedom of choice you really have. it’s badass!
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I have read all the posts up to this point. You are doing great!
Beng sober is tough work…it requires you to cope with your problems in a different way. Before when you were upset you would just drink.
Now you must look at your problems and decide how you want to deal with them. You are changing quickly and dramatically in what you expect and accept from yourself and others.
The answers to how you will deal with your problems will become clearer as you learn to navigate thia new sober life. Also your husband is seeing all this change in you and has to process it all himself. Give everything and everyone some time and grace.
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Thank you @Daniellegurl for your remarkable shares.
I was reading all your posts and the all touched me deeply.
You are a wonderful person Danielle. I’m proud of you! You have so much to deal with and the way your hubby is treating you is beyond bad.
Even though I don’t know you, but just by reading your shares, it is amazing to watch how you did grow already and one can feel the energy and the determination in you to create a good and happy life for yourself and your family. It is wonderful how you take care for your kids and try to make every day special for them. And it is so sad that your husband didn’t give a f…
Sorry for this long reply … all I wanna say is: stay strong girl. You rock!
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Those straw ber itas may be kind of looked upon by some as somehat of a joke but they are absolutely no joke. I have drank most everything you can imagine to excess.
Whatever they put in those things always absolutely gutted me. My brain my neck my stomach never felt worse and the withdrawls/hangovers were possibly the worst i can remember.
Whatever they put in there is absolutely poison in large doses. Those things are absolutely lethal.
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Omg thank you so so much for all the kind replies and for taking my journey and seeing the changes I’m trying to make for myself and my family it means so so so very much to me.
Yesterday pretty much ended without my husband acknowledging the car situation again so I’m going to do what I have to do to get the car myself.
After yesterday I realized I cannot go back to just sitting around all day in the house because I was basically pacing through the house and I had to put my phone down so I didn’t use ubereats to order some drinks so that’s why I was not as active yesterday.
But when I use to drink I would stay in the house all day laying down and getting up here and there to try to play with the kids and to feed them or I would just order them some food and now I’m actually getting up each morning and cooking them breakfast and dinner and we tend to get lunch while we are out and about. I’ve done a great job I think of filling our day with random things to do that are fun for the girls and keep me distracted from drinking and yesterday reminded me of who I used to be and I was overly anxious and just pacing around the house. I didn’t want to clean up yesterday or anything but get me and the kids out the house and I honestly felt trapped. I know it’s just a car but to be it’s more than that it’s freedom and independence and not having to depend on anyone. I was so hurt when my aunt wrecked my car because that was the first car I bought that was all mine and no one had any control over it to tell me I couldn’t drive or go places like before and I paid off that car all by myself and I had it for 5 years with no mayor issues. I’m happy my aunt is finally paying for it but not that she is my own husband isn’t being proactive to help be get a car ugh.
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This morning I dropped my husband off at work then I took my aunt to work and came back home to sleep a little more because that was at like 4am. I overslept so I cooked the kids a quick breakfast and now they are in the tub and we are going to go look at different dealerships and I gotta get an oil change on my husband car so if I find a dealership I can work with then I’m going to drop his car off at the oil place and under back to the car lot and go from there. My aunt told me if I need more of a down payment since part of the money she giving me is already spent she will give me more.
If I can’t get it all done today then I’m going to drop him off again tomorrow and continue to do so until I get my car hopefully in the next few days. I’m tired of letting others dictate what I can and can’t do so yeah I’m going to do it and if I have to get a job to pay for it then so be it but I refuse to be trapped in the house or limited to only places I can walk to or Uber. I’m in Florida and it’s too hot to be walking places and Uber’s are expensive.
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Oh I plan on doing it right I’m not rushing it at all but I’m order to know where I stand I have to get out there and shop around and find something in my budget. When I got my last car my husband was there to ensure no one took advantage of me.
A long time ago I had a car lot take advantage of me and sold me a lemon. I done the car about a week and one day before work I filled my car up and before I could pull out the gas station the car shut off and would not turn back on. I called the company they had the car towed to their lot and I got a ride to work and when they called me they told me nothing was wrong with the car it was just out of gas. I was like no way I just filled it up I never even left the gas station and the needle showed full. So they wanted to charge me for towing and gas like over 300 I think so my ex husband convinced me to let them keep the car which they ended up putting down as a repo and my ex would give me back the car he originally took from me that was in both our names. However he ended up trying to run me off the road one day and chased me down and when I got to an area I thought I could get help he attacked me for the keys got in the car locked it up and drove off leaving me on the side of the road. The police wouldn’t help me and it was just a mess.
So needless to say I’ve had some experiences with cars so I’m not going to be hasty and I already have someone on hand to look at the car for me before I sign anything.