I wish I still had my baby/car but no it was totaled basically so I couldn’t save her at all.
Also thank you my babies are everything to me!!!
I’m not going to rush and jump into anything because from past experience I know that’s not the right thing to do and will end up screwing new over in the end. I’m taking my time to find something I can afford, that runs really good with no issues, and that I like. It’s not going to happen over night the only thing I wanted was for my husband to be on the same page with me and support me and help me with getting something sooner than later.
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Well looks like I’m going to have to put my car hunt on hold smh
Why love? Hope you’re ok? 
This sucks big time – why is this being put on hold?
What happened Danielle? Hope you’re ok!
Good morning everyone I put off posting for the past few days because it’s just been a bit crazy but I’m ok.
So basically I had to put my search on hold I thought because my husband kept being so negative about it. We did go to a car lot yesterday however because I didn’t work my husband had to go on the loan and you know he just switched jobs to be home so the bank told him that basically he has to be on his job for at least 6 months or we would have to put like 4000 down which is not possible right now so yeah I’m not sure if I keep looking or just wait.
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The past few days have been up and down on Friday my husband took his car to work but he said it was going to be a short day and he would be home by 1pm. I told him the previous day he said it was going to be a long day but then all over sudden Friday morning he claimed it would be a short day. As the day went on I realized it was indeed a long day and he didn’t get home until after 6pm which made me so upset because if that was the case he could have let me drop him off…….
Other than the issues with my husband and my aunt everything has been ok when it’s just me and my kids.
Today I’m going to try to get us back to the park to let out some energy and if the weather holds up go to the pool.
We just woke up and my husband woke up talking about his job which is all he talked about since he started working back there either that or he sleep. He doesn’t do anything with the kids besides lay around or when he does play with them he makes them cry and I keep telling him he can’t be so rough with them but he always says he isn’t but he’s rough houses and don’t realize his own strength that’s why I stopped playing around with him a long time ago. I just wished he would do something outside the house with us but he always talks about how tired he is or he just don’t want to go so yeah.
I’m 12 days sober and still going strong. I’ve had a lot of cravings but I keep trying to put it in the back of my mind and do something. My cravings mostly happen when I’m upset or sad or frustrated.
I had a dream last night that I relapsed which was very scary so I’m going to get busy to ensure it does not come true.
Oh also I’ve been losing weight since I stopped drinking and I’m loving that part of course.
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Glad to read your update Danielle. Just keep going one day and one crave at a time. Dreams are just that: dreams. You’re at the wheel now and you’re doing fantastic!
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12 days!!! that is fantastic Danielle - glad you are seeing the benefits of being alcohol free.
I do hope you and the girls are able to get out today and play in the park.
i’m sorry for what you are dealing with at home. Maybe make a deal that short day or long day - you still drive your hubby to work so that you can have car during the day. Just a thought.
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I want to drink so bad right now I’m so upset!!!
We went to the park and my husband actually came with us.
After we left the park I wanted to stop at McDonald’s to get the kids some fries. I checked the account and I see all these transactions from him gambling. I told him that I thought he was going to stop and that jerk had the audacity to tell me that he didn’t spend that much to make a big difference in how much money we have. I got so upset that I stormed out the car and walked the rest of the way to McDonald’s and then I added up what he spent since Friday which was about $70 and then I decided to add up what he spent for the month which was $361.10.
He keeps complaining about money and bills and so on but his gambling is crazy expensive. Also he had $300 on his chime card which I don’t have access to that so I don’t know if he spent that as well.
I’m so mad I could blow steam out my ears!!!
That’s why I want a drink because at least I know it I drink I will be able to ignore him.
But I can’t lose my progress I can’t start over but I really want a right about now damnit
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I’m going to start dinner and stay far away from him right about now and wash clothes. I pray that will keep me distracted because I’m just past the upset Mark I’m pissed off……
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holy hell i would be super pissed off too! so why can’t you get a car cause the note would be way less than his gambling.
you have every right to be so fucking pissed off! Do what you can to blow off steam and stay away from him for now - do not let this be the reason to give in and lose your streak. Your health is for you and your girls.
Much love to you my friend! We are here if you need to vent. I do hope your day gets easier.
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Don’t let him mess up your sobriety. Don’t give him that power. It’s you at the wheel of your own life. I understand why you’re so pissed off but keep your sobriety please. It’s not worth it. Nothing is. Hugs.
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I’m staying away from him he is upstairs sleeping as usual and my youngest is up there with him. He always laying in the bed on his phone doing nothing but gambling I’m sure.
I have to run to the store and my oldest is coming with me.
I’m going to keep telling myself I’m not going to backtrack and break my 12 day streak.
I’m just so damn mad he always came at me about money and how he is the only one working and this and that but I’m not drinking anymore which saves over $100 a week and if he quit gambling we would be good. Damnit man I want a job but I don’t want to put my kids in daycare I hate this.
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I’m cooking all kinds of seafood today just to keep myself distracted
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girl i am fuming with you, swear. it’s just not right and it sounds like he’s not appreciating you, like he has the perspective of “i’m bringing home the money so i get to do what i want with it” but does he not realize you are working multiple full time jobs by being a stay at home mother to his kids?? he needs to show some damn respect. major props to you for feeling angry and not drinking about it!!! that’s goddess energy right there!!!
i hear you about wanting to work but not wanting to put the babies in daycare — have you considered something you could do at home? i recently called verizon customer support and there was a really nice lady on the other end and as she was helping me with my issue we got to talkin, turns out she’s working from home and her kids are there with her! there’s a lot of at-home opportunities especially in the post-pandemic world. just an idea.
anyway ma i am sending you so much strength and respect and solidarity Lord knows i’ve dealt with my share of ungrateful & uninvolved type of men but you know what maybe you and your husband need some kind of heart to heart at a certain point……u know, air our all your grievances, get on the same page. maybe some kind of couples counseling. maybe he’s going thru some things u don’t know about, & you’re going thru things he doesn’t know — hey maybe as you continue to develop some things independently then he’ll notice things are a lil different, & it’ll open up some space for conversation & you can cut thru all this tension to the heart of the issue & come to some understanding.….
in the meantime you got this ma. just focus on you, your well-being your sobriety - and your kiddos - and be patient as everything unfolds. also, so glad thru all this that the KIDS are fantastic, and you’re solid with them - that’s an absolute blessing and that’s amazing! really happy for you and proud of you and grateful that you’re making your journey so transparent on here so we can come along with you on your Queen Warrior path!! 
Thank you so much your kind words are very appreciated.
Actually I used to work from home before I because a stay at home mom. I worked for apple for over 5 years to be exact. The issue is my kids could not be around or in my office at all it was a compliance issue. I’m going to look for a job at home where I can keep my kids home with me because that will be perfect. Another problem is they are only 2 & 4 so that could be an issue but I’m going to look for sure.
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So I decided to cook a nice seafood dinner with fish, scallops, and stuffed salmon which is basically a crab cake wrapped in salmon.
While I was doing this my husband basically lounged around in the bed. The kids was up there with him on and off and he also started washing clothes but failed to put anything up. Anyway I just took him his plate and he laying in bed and the upstairs area has chips all over the floor and other food, the kids toys which I specifically told them and him need to stay in their room but toys all over the place. He let the kids pull my stuff out of my drawers, stuff knocked over, clay all over the place. He said he been picking up after them all day and I said “really you have?” Then he got out the bed and looked on the floor and basically was like he didn’t know they did that!!!
So while I’m cooking for hours he can’t even watch the kids. They don’t want to lay in the bed all day with their tablets they want to play. They ended up coming in the kitchen with me until I was done.
I want to scream and cry right now because I have to clean all this up plus put up clothes plus clean the kitchen and the living room. On top of that my aunt keeps bothering me about doing her hair for tomorrow. Oh and I have to tend to the kids and get them ready for bed. He didn’t even change the sheets after he let them eat in the bed.
Y’all help me I’m about to have a melt down. I’ve been on my feet keeping busy ever since I got sober just for all my hard work to be wiped out in a matter of a few hours. My feet hurt, my back hurts, I’m annoyed and I just want to take a hot bath and turn the world off. A hot bath with a drink would be ok with me ugh but I’m going to stick with my water and lemon water and suck it up and get this shit cleaned up.
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Also btw it’s 10:47 here I’m not touching this shit tonight fuck that I’m going to change my sheets, get the kids to bed, get me some food, then take a hot bath. I’m over it right about now
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Oh love i hope you got some rest last night.
Absolute bullshit that he cant help out and allows for such a mess to occur. In furious for you.
From an outsiders point of view…this man does not respect you. He does not contribute anything besides a paycheck to the family.
Just reading all this has made my blood boil. I do hope somehow you are able to find time for yourself.
Drinking will not help any. You will still have to deal with his ways while drunk or hungover. I do hope he agrees to some counseling as you cant continue on this way.