I am sure you do. It is hard for sure. 
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“Either you run the day, or the day runs you”
We’ve all been there- stuck in being a bystander in our day. Losing control, doing something you told yourself you wouldn’t do. Or being sucked into someone else’s desires. Maybe because you don’t want to be the downer of the party, maybe your head is saying “no” but you can’t seem to stop your body’s actions.
That was me. I was there. For so, so, soooooo many days. I would have other plans, but booze would take my day. I wanted to have fun! I wanted to not be bored- but many times, the booze would take ability to do what I had intended for the day.
It’s kind of weird, I have control over my days now. And boy, do I get bored sometimes. Historically I would start drinking to try and have some fun. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it meant I didn’t eat dinner and turned into a… well really who knows what I turned into. I can’t really say- I think I was having fun, but I have a hard time remembering if that was reality.
Now- I sit here- bored, trying to decide what I want to do. I want to meet more people, find new things to do, get a new hobby… Many things on Meetup, or eventbright all involve bars or alcohol and that’s not intriguing anymore. It’s weird how that switched. Sitting in a room, just drinking, even to meet new people just doesn’t sound appetizing anymore. I will find my new hobby, maybe today- maybe in the next six months, who knows. But I know it will be on my terms, with a clear sober head. And it won’t ruin the next day.
Happy birthday dad. Miss you.
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I needed to read this post today, thank you for sharing! I appreciate you.
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Hang in there:heart:
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Well, I’m back again. Tried to drink in moderation for a couple of years but lately things have changed dramatically in my life- I retired and moved to a beach community full-time. It really is paradise but I m alone and over an hour away from my kids. I have tried to “chase fun” and happiness but there have been times I’ve binged drank and don’t remember certain things and feel like crap the next day. Today was one of those wasted days laying around lifeless and even more depressed. So it’s Day 1 again. I’ve tried several times before but never made it more than 80 or so days. The last time I tried to save a relationship but it still couldn’t do so. I did it for her but ending up resenting her for making me do so. Now I want to do it for me. Beachy your story has been inspirational to read and gives me hope- as living in a seaside resort town is going to be challenging. Tonight I finally decided to go for a run and attempt to clear my head. At the local lighthouse I have memorial bricks for my parents so I often stop there on my runs to reflect. Tonight I was going to stop to ask for strength and apologize for being an ass again last night. As I was walking through the gardens to where their bricks are I spotted this painted seashell in the gardens. Talk about a message from heaven….WOW! I will be checking in daily on this journey. I ask for your prayers and support to help me stay sober. Thank you!
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Beautiful message! It’s hard being away from your family- but it’s only an hr out so, you can still see them whenever you want. And if your sober you don’t have to worry about drunk driving home 
Bless you on yout journey. You are never alone here. Rome wasnt built in a day. Get back on that horse and try again. Love to you stranger!!!
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Thank you!! 
Patience and tolerance are two traits that get exercised a lot while not drinking. The acute awareness of feelings, good and bad, seem to be heightened when your are not numb and worn out from rinse, repeat soul-sucking drinking.
My irritation seems to be highlighted lately. Things that bothered me before, but I would drink to take the edge off (or make worse with an argument) seem to be really irritating me lately
Although I’m thankful I’m not in a hot- headed state that would make it worse. And I can find productive ways to move through the emotions. And re-center relatively quickly.
Holding grudges has never been my thing. I’ll either let it pass, or find a way to talk through it and try to find a resolution. It looks like this is related to the article linked below and part of the sober journey.
Things are better without my drinking demon Damon. Sometimes are easier then others, but that is life. Really, Damon always made the bad days were always made worse. A relatively mild irritation would turn to drinking to “deal” and either blowing up or melting down. With a horrible day or two after trying to feel better and clean up the mess.
So- I’ll take my irritations and work through them. Like I should have learned to do many years ago, without turning to boozy- band- aids.
One “right-now” moment at a time, day by day.
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Hey Beachy! Good to see you post. Love that I have sobriety to navigate thru anger and frustration now. The alcohol made it embarrassingly worse.
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…wow…I don’t even know what to say. I can relate to almost all of this. I dont think i can be sober forever but what i do is tell myself that i have to, and i never give my brain the option to go sown the route of “well maybe after awhile you can just have 1 or 2 and you’ll be fine.” If you get in the right mind set, it is easier (not that it is easy AT ALL). My dad is an alcoholic, anf my grandpa and his father and so on. He is still alive but ive lost a few desr friends. I was a bartender a long time, but like you, i started drinking young as all get out! I can just…relatr to so much of your confusion/ feeling/ lifestyle. And then you think to yourself “well i cant just lock myself in my house all day everyday.” Its just hard…and i will be thinking of you…the only reason i stopped is because i got covid for 9 days and my boyfriend started bringing up my black outs, arguments, forever trying to piece things together from the night before…the guilt, the lifestyle, the cycle…over and over. My face gets SUPER red and broke out when i drink. I was always having a flask, tumbler, small mason jar in my cup holder, wherever i was, i had some liquor with me to keep me extroverted. Keep me poisoned. Keep me numb. I wish i could give you a big hug. This community is amazing and we are here for you, lovely!
Trisha
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You can always share here. If being sober is what you want give yourself time. Sometimes it’s easy to think what is challenging isn’t the best thing for you. But the reality is that you have to give yourself what you want and find gratitude in it. You give yourself a good work out. You give yourself space from people who trigger you. You give yourself honesty. These things aren’t chores, they are gifts from you to you. Yes it’s not always easy but it’s ultimately what feeds your soul. Maybe this perspective will give you another angle of thinking about it. I used to think the same at 10 months I thought “I don’t want to make the rest of my life about sobriety” and so I started drinking again. Then I realized… I back where I started. So I changed my attitude… it’s more about how sobriety makes you feel rather than the challenge of it. I love being sober. If you love being sober perhaps a change in activities would help, since the boat reminds you of a version of yourself you’re trying to get past.
Isolation is hard but having that time to connect with yourself might give you the space you need to solidify who you are trying to become. The pressure of becoming can also be hard. Instead maybe ask “who am I now and what would I like to change?” Once you start changing things then… you will become 
Good luck on your journey
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If you think you can, you will. If you think you can’t, you won’t.
For many years the idea of being sober forever was inconceivable to me, until one day, being sober forever was all I wanted. That day happened almost 5 years ago, and I haven’t had a drink since.
Free your mind, and then your ass will follow.
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It did! Didn’t it! Kinda crazy- all those things we thought helped, only made it worse
Thanks trisha! Yeah- that sounds familiar!
I would get really bad hives sometimes and the migraines are the worst- on top of all the other social crap. Tried forever to find a way to make it work, but i just don’t think it will work for me.
I’m still not in forever- mode.
Still in just not right now- mode
Hugs!
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Love this! 
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Thanks Earth! Yes- all about perspective! We’re all getting there 
#665
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Just a song to save
#695
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#698
It can be done. I attended a “Halloween Cocktail Sioree”; and they had Mocktails!
This was something I saw and really wanted to do, but obviously was kinda petrified of the cocktail party thing… but a little research - and I found they had mocktail options at each of the 5 different themed cocktail bars. So it was a fun evening of costumes, drinks and a Halloween themed mystery without having to worry about who’s driving home. And I’m not wasting the day with one of those horrible migraines I get that would knock me out through maybe today, maybe through tomorrow or Tuesday.
Finding ways to be you and still avoid the booze can be done. It just takes a little effort.
It’s weird, 23 months through 20-something years ago there’s no way I could have imagined doing something like that and being sober. The last 10 - 15 years or so, I would have done it; but known the next day would be shot…
My friend did ask me if I was doing Sober October or something. We’ve hung out with them awhile here and there, and I’ve never drank. I’ve always had my cran-soda’s or iced tea; but maybe she never realized that I wasn’t drinking until she heard me ask for the mocktails last night. So that’s the first time I explained about my migraines and how booze seems to affect me differently then others. And that was that. Pretty simple actually. That’s another thing I’ve dreaded; having to tell people why you choose not to drink. Especially in a society where there’s so much pressure to drink- FOR EVERYTHING. And I saw several people who looked like today was going to be trouble for them after last night…
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