Great insight! I too made good progress this last time i did counseling. Not drinking during it did help me resolve some things that have been lingering a long time… being honest with yourself really helps too! We just have to own who we are and keep trying to improve ourselves! But that’s impossible if we keep lying about our habits. I wish you nothing but success on your journey!
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I saw 000. and nearly fainted. 1,000!!! And amidst stress, sadness, and temptation. You are an inspiration!!! Huge Congratulations!
Awww- thank you so much!
Been a crazy road!
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- I recently learned that “in 2023, President Biden once again declared September as ‘National Recovery Month,’ a time to recommit to helping prevent substance use disorder, supporting those who are still struggling, and providing people in recovery with the resources they need to live full and healthy lives”
(National Recovery Month 2023 | SAMHSA).
In one hand I’m glad to hear this, on the other- kind of sad that, as a nation, we have to have a National Recovery Month. I find it disturbing that alcohol is so ingrained upon our culture that this is Ok.
Last weekend we went to Nashville and ended up at Tootsie’s Birthday Bash. It is a big event; they block off the whole Broadway area and put up a stage and lots of artists come play for free. It was really cool actually! But even having over 1000 days sober, I get nervous about being at a place where the normal is to get hammered. The friends we stayed the weekend with drank each of the three days, and so did my husband. Overall, no one got stupid, (although one night the tequila caught up with my friend- she kept drinking my Cran-Soda- and we had to go back to the condo). I made a point to ask for NA options everywhere. Most places had at least one, or I would get Cran-Soda-Lime. I feel like if we don’t ask for the NA options while we are out there, these places won’t carry them- maybe if we keep asking, they will get some other options in stock.
One of the bartenders asked if I was living that Sober Life, I said yes and explained why. She said she was too, but only said there were lots of reasons. It makes me wonder if bad things happened to her.
When we were at the block party there were 3 kids, maybe early 20’s (but I swear they looked 17) that kept getting drinks but were well hammered by the time we ended up next to them. The one guy started stumbling into people, and I told his girl-friend she might want to start to get him out of here since he’ll only get worse. She kind of tried, but she was hammered too. We saw them a little bit later in the back of the crowd by the bar and bathrooms. It didn’t look like they had plans to leave.
Another two younger ladies, in front of us a couple rows, where wobbling all over the people. One of them left (assuming to get more drinks) and the one remaining starting dancing and spilling her drink over all sorts of people. She started falling into people, and later on- we saw three ladies walking her out, one of them said they don’t even know her.
It made me feel kind of bad- why did the bartenders keep serving these people?
Then unpacking some boxes yesterday, I found an old photo album. Lots of pictures of me and my friends partying together. I’m sure we looked the same as those kids next to us at Nashville at times. I know I have a time or two that my friends had to get me out, I vaguely remember holding up a stop sign once, waiting on a ride home. I’m sure there were several other times, that I don’t remember.
Last week on a work trip, the group went out for dinner and drinks each night. One night I bowed out after they decided to go to the hotel bar. One of the younger ladies was headed to the bar with the group but ended up following me upstairs. I tend to think it is kind of like herd mentality. She was sucked into the group going to the bar, until there was another option- escaping and going to bed. The next morning- that group said they stayed until at least midnight, and a couple needed that Vitamin-A (aspirin).
So, it bothers me now- Why is this OK for our culture? Why did the President declare "National Recovery Month". Surely that means that it is a problem. Maybe if more of us do stand up and stay sober, ask for NA options, maybe it will become more normal. We can show the people we are around that there are other options, and we’re not bashful to ask, and we can still dance and have a good time.
So, I was worried about my last few trips and the subconscious drinking pressure, but my new normal is Ok too. Tomorrow is 34 months- and I’m cool with that.
(image from: https://www.quitalcohol.com/news/sober-september-another-chance-to-reboot)
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1084
Not gonna lie. My husband went to visit a friend this past weekend. I really thought about having a few drinks. I watched a lot of Netflix, got Chinese food and made a lot of hot tea instead- used some flavors i haven’t in awhile, but I hated how that creept into my head.
Ugh. The free time and no obligations let it creep in. Wanted to go to a local festival, but it was rainy all weekend.
I had to fast forward that path. That compulsion. That rinse repeat cycle that u don’t want to go back to. And the headaches.
I hate that all seeps in. Gotta stay vigilant!
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1133
Hello 2024. Let’s see what you have to offer!
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-1144-
If I still drank. Today would be a disaster. Flying to Europe today. Flight supposed to leave at 130, just a couple minutes from airport- get notice the plane delayed to 330, ok cool, go get lunch. I’ll still make connection.
Update- Plane delayed to 430- now I’ll miss my international connection. Come get a different flight combo. Now Arriving at midnight to final destination, instead of noon… sucks but ok.
New update- Now flight “weather delayed” to next morning! What?! Now missing combo again. Another airline has a combo that would work- the won’t transfer my ticket since it’s “weather”. I call B.S.
They now find a combo that I fly west to Dallas (instead of east to charlotte or atlanta), then to London, to my same (well not the same original noon arrival) final connection Arriving midnight.
Hoping this next combo actually takes off. Been at airport for 5 hrs and gone no where.
Now getting to London at noon, which really shortens the options to find an earlier option to final destination. Ugh
Going to suck- because it’s a work trip and I have early morning commitments and trying to find my hotel at midnight.
If I drank- I would have been at the bar. And all the changes- I’m sure I would have been super rude and not very good at finding (and accepting) different options.
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-1160.
Just checking in. Some months are easy, some are chaos. But they are all better with a clear head, potential for good sleep and nerves that are not in a default state of anxiety.
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Absolutely! Happy for you. 
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Wow! 1160 days… Awesomeness!!
I remember when you started this thread and look how far you’ve come. Thank you for sharing your journey.
Yes! Thank you! I’m glad I’ve kept this log. I read through it sometimes when I’m having a bad day.
Glad you’re still here too!
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We’ve had contractors at the house all week. We’ve been talking to a garage guy and a kitchen guy for over 4 months- then BAM for some reason both their schedules cleared and they started on the same week. Every thing in the yard is demolished and so is the main living area of my house.
We were going to knock down the dining wall, shift the fridge to make an island. And reuse the cabinets, but with the high ceiling and no wall the cabinets would look really short- so our friends build cabinets and my husband would help make them for reduced rate. But moving the wall messed up the floor- so now we need floor too. It always snow balls. So we were going to do the demo to save a bunch of money.
My husband left to help build the cabinets and I’m left with contractors galore ripping out the kitchen. Living off of a microwave in the garage.
Man, was I really thinking about drinking- I even had one of those dreams where I swear I drank and got scared. But thankfully it was just a dream.
Then - timing. They were supposed to bring the tile remover machine on Friday- they didn’t- just had the electric and plumber stop by for bid scoping. Well my husband was supposed to help me remove the tile, but left to build the cabinets. So guess what I did all weekend…
Holy Molly I hurt. I got my own machine and rented it for 1day 19 hrs and got all the tile removed and in the dumpster before had to leave on a work trip today (Monday).
I told the GC I was going to do most of the demo ( to save several thousand) I don’t think he believed me. (Hence why he didn’t bring the machine on Friday?).
Boy, did I want to quit about 75 times. I kept thinking I found a good spot where it would blend “ok” to blend transitions of the 3 different tiles in the main area with the new tile (since of course you can’t find what in the house anymore). But I knew it wouldn’t really blend.
So, I kept going- until it all came up (except a few pieces above my weight class- that wanted to stay until world war Z). And then I carried it in buckets and threw it all in the dumpster. And then swept and vacuumed so it’s ready for them to lay the floor.
I felt like the Broom that Mikey had carrying buckets of water in Fantasia- but my buckets were tile. Needless to say- I’m sore, and my hands hurt and I had a crazy dream I drank. But I didn’t. And I did it all by myself.
#1172
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Wow! That’s some undertaking. Sounds like the Hulk in you came out. 
Hopefully that work trip will give you the break you need.
I’m married to a contractor and been through a few kitchen remodels myself so I know the work involved and upheaval it causes to your life. Doing dishes in a bathtub scarred me and eating takeout gets old very quick. And all the unknowns that come to surface along the way are extremely stressful. But the end result is all worth it.
Sending positive vibes your way.
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Thank you lisa! Yes- between the house and the trip- i really want my kitchen back! I bet you have some nice places after a few remodels!
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- It’s boating season. I’m glad I can be the DD. Last year my husband was drinking and wouldn’t listen to me. We ended up damaging the trailer. Good times.
But this year- I’m not drinking and got part time job driving other people around so they can have safe boating days too!
Wouldn’t happen if I was drinking too!
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So this morning- ended up having a 45 minute drive to where i was teaching. Randomly played a podcast that was: Eckhart Tolle- unobserved mind leads to suffering.
He kind of rambles a bit- but really did make a point- most of our suffering is really just a construct of our own thoughts. For some reason our thoughts create this feeling of inadequacy, not enough, forgetting our achievements and doubting ourselves. Really our minds can be our own worst enemy. Which is kind of messed up!
This happened to me last night- I made a phone call following up on a lead that someone needed help with our business.
Well the person I finally ended up talking to- the decision maker in the company basically said that, “4 people would have to break a leg before they needed our help”.
It really crushed me. I had hopes, based on the other 2 people I talked to- this might me a good lead for our side business. I ended crying on the way home- i know stupid, but i had my hopes up- all the thoughts of uselessness- what am I doing in my life- is this really going to work- should we just quit… those thoughts really ruined my day.
So the podcast this morning- i guys just highlights don’t let your thoughts get you down- they feel real, but really your mind is just messing with you.
You are doing great- you are OK. Don’t let those little set backs ruin your day or diminish your successes- no matter how small. Even if it is not succumbing to the drinking demon for one more day.
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ugh- I’ve had a rough month. I’m really having a hard time seeing any positivity. I have been crying a lot. I want to drink and escape- debating trying that THC crap that’s everywhere- but don’t want to blow a drug test for my boating license. So i’m writing.
My back has been hurting on / off- Dr’s are wondering if it is my kidneys. I’ve had several migraines this month- and they just always suck.
My car got rear ended driving to Texas on the 31st- It’s minor (rear bumper, my back hatch and maybe floor panel buckled)- we were at a yield- but the hassle of getting it fixed- ugh.
I got a Tint Ticket this morning- no option to fix it and remove the fine- didn’t realize my car was out of regs in FL- The car has had that tint for almost 10 years. I wasn’t doing anything else to warrant getting pulled over.
My business is not grabbing hold like we wanted- had a couple of bookings but nothing like it should be now that we are in the summer.
Because of that, I’ve been looking at buying a boat to do commercial tours, but my husband was dragging his feet over the last month- liked the idea- but didn’t think the boat I wanted was going any time soon. I wanted to go look at it two weeks ago, but he scheduled contractors and we couldn’t go. Now, he’s finally coming back from a trip and wanted to go look at it this week- but now it’s sold. Heard that a local company is getting an 18 passenger boat- just like the one I was looking to buy- there’s not many that get listed like that. So that’s just another resentment- if my husband drug his feet- and now that boat is coming into OUR same area for someone else- UGH!
He did actually go out of his comfort zone and try to actually throw me a birthday party- invited the few friends we have in the area over for a BBQ on memorial weekend. The night before- they canceled on us (right after be bought a boat-load of food for them and their friends that were visiting also and I bought volleyball net and we’d been talking about having a game forever). and not only did they cancel- it was for “an amazing opportunity” with their business.
The same business that they created and I feel they stole my idea. It’s the SAME exact business I told them we were moving here to make- and when we moved (on MOVING day) he announced the registered their business - just like the one we were moving to make in FL. He kept saying that it’s a collaboration- etc, but never once have they given us a referral for a good potential contact. Now instead, he takes all those contacts and makes money off of them. That’s another long story- but that was just kind of the straw for me- and I really resent them. and I’m pissed because we moved over here, (of all the places in FL- that we maybe could have had better market for our business) to be close to them- since they’ve been my friends for over 20 years.
I found a way to try and grow our business on FB- but for some reason my account is blocked - and when I asked why and to appeal- they said it’s a permanent decision- WTF? who makes a permanent decision for a small business and you never spoke with the person? I hate FB and don’t have a way to integrate the booking feature and advertising now.
That incident with the dolphin boat saying he wouldn’t need my help unless 4 people broke legs- after his other captain said to ask- because they needed help. 
Might try to get a boat sales license- Randomly spoke with some who referred me to a broker- he seems interested, but I keep getting rescheduled to meet him.
And all that after teaching and traveling 4 of the last 6 weeks. 3 of the courses I had no lead to follow- so we were just winging it- that’s stressful. But somehow we got good reviews. I accidentally signed up for that many courses- two were tentative- so I took the other two and then they confirmed - so I was stuck with almost every week.
I tried talking to another tour boat- that needed a sailing endorsement- I have one pending approval. I told him that- he said with my experience and where they run the boat I wouldn’t need it- so to send him my info- I send it to him- Then he says “where’s your endorsement” - WTF- we just spoke about that- so now he’s not sure. UGH.
I feel betrayed, I feel back stabbed, I feel like my car is mad at me. I feel like my body is failing me and I want to quit everything because nothing is working.
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Ugh Beachy, that is a lot. I am sorry life is feeling so hard right now. Wish I could wave a magic wand for you. Sending positive juju out for you.
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