I really love this and appreciate you sharing it…and so eloquently and thoughtfully!! I have the same tendencies…so this will give me more to meditate on coming into the new year.
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This whole equanimity thing is giving me much to rethink…
Sounds great! My attempts at these, though, have felt so much like I’m in a fitting room, trying them on as if they are clothes I could buy. Reaching for something external (sound familiar?) to compensate for my deficits. They haven’t stuck.
So, I’ve been turning to the pros for help unpacking this. A few gems:
“Letting there be room for not knowing is the most important thing of all.”
There’s a lot to sit with here.
I do know this: I could not be here, where I am today - walking away from the fitting room - without embracing my truth, that I need recovery on the daily.
Grateful. 
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Great post. Love the Pocket Pema! Filled with gems. 
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Sitting in this tonight.
from “The Pocket Pema Chodron (Shambhala Pocket Classics)” by Pema Chödrön -
“Meditation practice isn’t about trying to throw ourselves away and become something better. It’s about befriending who we are already.”
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Hey @Bobbyw, I saw your question on another thread. 
Here’s some info for you and anyone else who is interested.
If you click on your time zone, you’ll find a list of online meetings. There’s also a tab for in-person meetings.
And here’s more info about Recovery Dharma, including links to the book (pdf or audio).
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I am watching a coworker struggle, life just isnt “going her way”. She asked how I always seem so content (she has obviously never read my venting here…lol)…and I pulled this out
from “The Pocket Pema Chodron (Shambhala Pocket Classics)” by Pema Chödrön -
“WE can learn to rejoice in even the smallest blessings our life holds. It is easy to miss our own good fortune; often happiness comes in ways we don’t even notice.”
And I needed to hear it again myself.
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One of those days that every time I turned around, I didnt feel like I was measuring up…
This is what I turned too…and with this, I will sit
from “The Pocket Pema Chodron (Shambhala Pocket Classics)” by Pema Chödrön -
“REMIND yourself, in whatever way is personally meaningful, that it is not in your best interest to reinforce thoughts and feelings of unworthiness.”
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I needed to read this today. Day 2 back at my desk after 10 days away from it. I realized during the break just how much free-rein I give my inner critic (a first class asshole) when I’m working. No censoring whatsoever. Some days I feel like there’s a loudspeaker narrating my inadequacy, my every insufficient move.
Your quote reminded me of this:
“Most of us have been conditioned to be our own harshest critic from early on, especially during our fixations on substances and behaviours. We carry the shadow of that judge with us, even as we seek recovery, giving ourselves negative feedback and scrutinizing every effort we make, holding ourselves to impossible standards of perfection. Letting go of that inner critic allows us to be mindful in the present of the efforts we are making, mindful of the compassion and lovingkindness we’re learning to make a part of our practice and our lives.” (p.45)
If it gets bad, I can even beat myself up for beating myself up. But this is a choice, and I need to remind myself I can choose otherwise. Thank you for this.
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(On keeping with the theme of gentleness for oneself):
“In meditation we discover our inherent restlessness. Sometimes we get up and leave. Sometimes we sit there but our bodies wiggle and squirm and our minds go far away. This can be so uncomfortable that we feel it’s impossible to stay. Yet this feeling can teach us not just about ourselves but also about what it is to be human. All of us derive security and comfort from the imaginary world of memories and fantasies and plans. We really don’t want to stay with the nakedness of our present experience. It goes against the grain to stay present. These are the times when only gentleness and a sense of humor can give us the strength to settle down.”
~Pema Chödrön
(From her book The Places That Scare Us)
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Sigh. I was just having a look on the meetings available. I am happy I can easily see them in outlook when I select it. Yet, the first and last time I was asked to speak. I cannot. I just want to listen. But the groups seem to be too small to be overseen. Sigh. Ahhh.
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Hey friend! I joined a few different meetings online before I found one that I would call “home group” (in my old hometown - 8hrs away). We have 3 meetings a week - all online, and one is hybrid - in-person for those who live in town and online for those of us afar - spread out around North America. Especially at the hybrid mtg - there can 15 in person and 15 online, or 8 people total. No rhyme or reason. No matter which meeting I joined, you can always keep your camera off, put “just listening” beside your name, or write in the chat that you prefer not to speak.
It’s always a balance - some people are hesitant to speak up unless they are invited to, like I was at first. The invitation to speak I think is only meant to make you feel comfortable to do so. At the same time, if you’re not, it should be just fine to type that into the chat and leave your camera off.
Of course - in saying all that, I don’t mean to minimize if your experience was not a positive one! It might be a bit like TS, in that it takes us all a little while to find our threads/grooves, how much we share/don’t, etc. In the end, we each get to find what works best for our recovery and leave the rest, hey?
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Thank you Emm. It’s a good idea to put it behind my name. I’ll try it next time. 
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I discovered something very poignant this evening about craving, this time from a scientific perspective. You may know it already but I thought I’d share….
When we ‘crave’ it is our mind desiring a dopamine hit. Whatever our addiction might be, just the thought of taking that drink or hit or whatever, creates dopamine in the brain and floods our physiology. Dopamine makes us happy and is similar to endorphins.
With this knowledge and when I next crave, I’ll remind myself of this and be present with the dopamine elevation, sit with it and then instead choose to pursue increasing my endorphins in that moment - by eating, exercising, connecting, being creative or doing something new. These also increase dopamine / endorphin levels.
It was a bit of an ‘aha moment’ discovering that…
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Its a great aha moment!!
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Yes!!! This is such a huge realization…and I remember thinking, why didn’t I ever get it before. It seems so simple, but it was knowledge definitely out of reach for me, until it wasn’t.
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‘It seems so simple, but it was knowledge definitely out of reach for me, until it wasn’t.’ You’ve summed it up perfectly! Every step of the journey has brought me to this point, and it feels as though I’m finally connecting absolutely everything - the trauma, the healing, the reasons why, the solutions - and being grateful for it all 
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Yes to this…that moment when it makes sense, the fog lifts and you can finally see the path. 
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So beautifully said and always good to see you.
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This thread might intresr you…i havent kept up with it as I had planned too…but…here it is
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