My story: from rebellious punk to traditional Christian

Your Story
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Hi, I’m Connor, my Christian name is Patrick. I grew up in a Catholic household. Pretty much everyone in my family has substance abuse issues. Growing up, My parents drank on weekends, with a liberal kind of pseudo moderation. Fortunately they didn’t do any other drugs etc. My brother bullied me around a good deal, I was kind of a sad and introverted kid.

Fast forward to high school… I was into skateboarding and playing guitar. I made some friends who smoked weed, and I immediately fell in love with cannabis. I also started watching porn. I thought Marijuana isn’t addictive and I didn’t really believe in God so sexual ethics were not a concern. I tried alcohol at that age and didn’t like it much. My parents found out we (my brother and I) were smoking and came down hard on us with drug tests, counselors etc. we figured out how to cheat those tests. By age 16 I was smoking marijuana and watching porn/masturbating several times daily.

Fast forward to college: I made my first attempt to be clean at age 18. I was obsessed with health and some new age spiritual beliefs. I became extremely neurotic, nobody could bare being around me! At age 19 I got back on marijuana daily. I felt guilty about porn at this point but would still watch sometimes.

At age 21 I started drinking daily. I told myself that no problems will result if I stick to beer only and no liquor. I had very loose rules of moderation and I drank a lifetime worth of beers in my early 20s.

I also abandoned a lot of new age beliefs and returned to traditional Christianity in my early 20s. I made excuses for marijuana and alcohol but not porn. I started to get my sexual life together at this point.

By the time I reached 22, I was aware that I was fully addicted to marijuana, and by the time I was 24, I was aware that I was fully addicted to alcohol. Moderation sounded better than quitting, and my body was still handling it alright.

At age 25. I made another attempt to get fully clean, it lasted several months. I tried 12 step at this time, and I don’t think it will work for me. I have repeated this throughout my late 20s, making clean up attempts that last maybe 2-5 months. My body appreciates this but I have not found the strength/courage to keep going clean indefinitely. I can see the psychological damage I did to myself now. Why is it so difficult to be sober? Shouldn’t it be more difficult to get drunk high and watch porn/masturbate? After all those things are expensive…

Recognizing the damage, I have the attitude that I’m in this fight for the long haul and for my eternal salvation.

My strategies now include prayer, pets, quiet/reclusive living and journaling.

I hope to find and share some encouragement and tips with this community. I look forward to reading and sharing about our victories over demonic, destructive addictions.

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Welcome to his great sober community Conner.

Have a good read around. Lot’s of great sober people around here to encourage and support us all.

Hope to see you around.
:pray:t2::heart:

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Thanks for sharing a great story!

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I have 3 dogs and 2 cats :slight_smile:

By the way, I have found that CBD (non narcotic cannabis) helps a little bit with my marijuana cravings. At first I thought it just reminds me of marijuana because the taste/smell is similar, but I recognize a neurological component to my cravings, like anxiety, that the CBD helps with.

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@Cpwalsh94 Welcome to this great site, awesome idea to join and start interacting with and reading posts from other people.

I have a few things I would love to share with you, but I am in Australia and it is almost midnight, so I will save a long response for the morning :sleeping:

In the meantime, I just wanted to say that I too have become a Christian in the last 7 years or so and after years of prayer (by myself, prayer teams at 2 churches, some family members and church friends) I have come through the other side of serious alcohol and drug addiction as well as finding pure joy and peace from clinical depression and obsessional anxiety (that I self-medicated to attempt to get some relief from).

It’s great to have you here with us! I look forward to reading more of your posts and I will spend a bit more time responding to your first post when I am up on Thursday morning. From just one post I can see that we have several things in common.

Encouragement and blessings from Down Under! :koala: :kangaroo: :dromedary_camel: :sunny: :australia: xo

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Interesting. I am definitely into mindfulness. I was trained in Reiki but stopped practicing after I became a Christian, it’s a totally different lineage, tradition, etc.

I used to smoke pot and practice mindfulness though. Now I want to use mindfulness to learn to enjoy things without pot. I conditioned myself that all fun and leisure should be while stoned. Big mistake, now I have difficulty enjoying sober life. But mindfulness can solve this problem. It’s all about intentional living I think.

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My teacher was Susan Chiocchi in Boulder Colorado. I reached level 2. What I learned is that Reiki is very closely correlated to shamanism Japanese animism, and that when it was exported to the west, it was re-decorated with some Christian virtue-ethics on the exterior for marketing purposes, while retaining its shamanic core

In my understanding and experience, the Reiki energy is not connected with Christ or His Saints in any way. The difference is the same as shamanism vs monotheism. The founder went on a shamanic journey on a mountain in Japan and came back with healing symbols and energies.

Certainly the teacher matters. Susan was raised Catholic and is now into Bon Buddhism (shamanic) and 5 element energy healing. If I were taught by a Christian, I might have a different perspective. I’m also an Eastern Orthodox Christian now, we have a deep lineage and tradition, lots of Saints, a strict and unchanging doctrine. That’s part of my perspective here. Reiki is not traditionally permitted for Orthodox Christians, it conflicts with our tradition in many ways.

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It originates from a heretical psuedo christian minister who mixed shintoism buddhism and protestantism. It was done by a protestant (who was raised buddhist).

I’m an Eastern Orthodox Christian, not protestant. Our tradition does not permit syncretism with other religions including Protestantism, our doctrine was revealed to us by Christ and the 12 apostles and has been preserved through history.

Lucifer is very tricky! He can even appear as an angel of light!

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Welcome to the community Connor! You are among a great bunch of supportive people going through similar struggles.

First step is recognizing the problem and then making a plan to overcome it. Love your strategies.

For me - i find that staying connected and surrounding myself with support is important. For some meetings / recovery groups help to achieve this. Staying active on this site is also a great way to gain connectivity.
I also found that changing up my routines and social circles was key so that my mind was retraining and not associating events/ places and people with my addictions. Addiction is tricky and idle time can be destructive so I do try to keep myself busy with hobbies and activities.

You are among friends here - hope to see you around :hugs:

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It is tricky dealing with idle time and keeping busy. I’m self employed in CAD/graphics and work from home. All my time is at my disposal. It’s a big responsibility. Interestingly I’ve been making more non-user friends since 2017 and it hasn’t helped. I want to smoke after dealing with people usually, I think it’s social anxiety related and I haven’t learned to really enjoy myself naturally without substances… I’ve taken to reclusive life. Peace and quiet. Thanks for the support!

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CAD/graphics sounds cool! I used to love working on CAD software. Yeah - working from home and not having to be accountable for your time is harder with time at your disposal (i like the wording). You have us now so check in with us or read through the threads when you feel the urges come on.

Not sure what you are into or what the weather is like in your area - maybe a walk when you feel like smoking? I downloaded a bunch of games on my phone and would chew on gum and play until the urge disappeared.

I do love that this is working for you. Just wanted you to know that we are here for you as well. :hugs:

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