She said that there is no moderation for people who are addicted because they can’t jusy walk away. She said moderation is an illusion. There is moderation in that moment (I only had two today so I can control myself, I can moderate) but then there is the next time, and the next time, and the next time even if each one of those times for the rest of your life is only 2 drinks, it’s still not moderation because there is always a next time. People who are not addicted don’t think about moderation, they just take it or leave it and forget about it. They don’t sit there and actively moderate. For people who are addicted it’s either all or nothing, A or B. There is no option C. There is no third choice.
I can totally relate to this! My doc is opioids. And, I have had MANY people say to me that they can take it or leave it. So, yeah that totally makes sense!
She said that when people are addicted, eventually we won’t want our DOC not because our brain changes or because we don’t care anymore. It will be because we care too much about our sobriety and sober selves to ever want to go back. Makes sense.
This whole journey is so fucking hard but I know it’s worth it.
Wise words. For addict there is no such thing as moderation. In some groups i go there are people who claim they use only in moderation. So why are they there? One recovering addict nailed it: if you have to ask yourself, do i have a problem, then you probably do.
I did some resesech and there’s actually a group called moderation management. The program starts by keeping a diary of your drinking habits (#, what it is, time soent drinking, the occassion, and your feelings during), then writing down an extensive list of problems drinking has caused, then doing 30 days of abstinence in which after you can start drinking again “cautiously” being aware of your habits, slips, and feelings.
Idk, for me, reading that just made me feel horrible. It was like here’s a way to be a functioning alcoholic but it’s frammed in a way where it looks like moderation which doesn’t work anyway.
I’m going to venture a guess that the people who find success in moderation management probably aren’t alcoholics to begin with. Honestly, even if I could drink safely (100% cannot) I still wouldn’t. Booze has no place in my life now. It does nothing for me. I have a happier, more fun, more exciting, downright better life without booze. There is nothing booze can bring to the table to make my life better.
Once you turn into a pickle you can’t ever go back to being a cucumber.
That honestly sounds awful lol. Its so much easier to not track and worry about it by having none! I love what your therapist said, glad it hit home for you!
Lord knows I spent a good decade or two or was it 3 decades of my life trying to moderate. Definitely was not for me.
I know of Moderation Management and am glad it works well for some people. To each their own. Or perhaps just another step in the journey towards abstinence.
To what standard do we hold moderation? Less than what we normally drank? Less than what society deems acceptable? A certain number of drinks and days? In the height of my drinking I was drinking a fifth of whiskey and 6 beers every night. So if I stop drinking the beers is that moderation? Or is it a glass of wine a night, even though I’m still drinking every day?
I think the whole having to work out and worrying about it would be more stress than actually drinking all the time and just feeling crap about it.
At least I only felt crap until I had my next drink!
True. What does moderation even mean? No form of moderation ever worked for me. Each time I tried, it would work for a few days at max and then I would be back to full blown alcoholism.
This makes absolute sense to me. Very VERY rarely can i just have 1. I will be socializing or home with my husband and say to myself im going to have just one. The problem is i psych myself up for that 1 all day. Thinking about it constantly, which is obviously a sign of addiction, thats not nornal behavior for most. And then when i get that 1 i say 1 more wont hurt. Then i get mad at myself for doing that and say the whole day is wasted and back to square one so i might as well keep drinking. Its an endless cycle once i start. For me there is no moderation. Never has been and probably never will be. But im only recently realizing that to be true, realizing my own cycles and behaviors. Thank you for sharing this because its really driving it home for me today. Ive already been thinking about that 1 i could have, so now i can keep this in mind to get past it❤
A good member of the community used to say something like, “I’d rather go through life sober wondering if I have a drinking problem than go through life drunk wondering if I can get sober.” Even if I weren’t sure I’m an alcoholic, life’s better the first way.
She moderated her way right to killing someone. I feel sorry for all involved. She wrecked two families (hers and the people she killed) bc of the flawed notion that moderation is recovery. I’m glad I read that story bc it helps me not drink today. Thank you for researching that.
Ditto … if I have one then open the taps until blackout and come to at 5:30 the next morning. Visine in the eyes and off to work only to try again the next day with the same result. The “I can have 2 and go home” is my body pulling a Jedi mind trick on me to get me to start. No way I can moderate. I’ve finally accepted that.
