Thanks a lot!!
Hello Nastya, how are you there?
Do I understand good, you are at rehab in Italy? Or back in Czech Republic?
I love both countries although was only once in Italy and in Czech. I’m from Poland and like all pools I adore your language and Czech ppl in general
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Day 13.
At evening yesterday I had dinner with guys which are here in rehab as well. We had grill. I was honestly anxious, but then one girl started to talk with me and gave me pink box with unicorn full of plasters. I love plasters, so I’m really happy to this little gift. 
After that we some time was outside and talked. It was really nice. My anxiety went off and I felt kind of… Happy.
Today at morning I was checked if my physical health is okay and then we were running - me and that girl. It was fun. After that we had breakfast where I started to talk as well with another person, it’s guy. It seems that I’m slowly being accepted in group of people here. It makes me smile.
Soon I will go to swim and have therapy session. Can’t wait honestly. This all makes me feel like… Like I will be fine, just I need to work on myself.
I will as well be back to working on my visual novel. I have some energy and ideas for it.
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Polish neighbour! 
I’m currently in Italy. I will be back to Czech republic at half of August. Also yeah, Italy is really beautiful.
I was at Poland once at Christmas in one town, it was really gorgeous. I remember I felt like little kid enjoying magical night in a town.
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Thinking about you. I’m glad you’re able to check in. Will you be able to continue to check in?
Happy for you the way this is working out for you.
Big hugs.
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I’m glad you seem to be feeling better and starting to meet some new people in your rehab. 
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Yup! I will be able to check in daily as usual.
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Day 15.
Uhm.i don’t know how to start. Because yesterday evening was really hard. Got hate messages and comments, had severe mental breakdown with anxiety attack… At night doctors checked me and took care of me. All day my head hurts today, so I just sleep. I even skipped lunch because I really need some rest.
It’s ‘funny’ how you fight for happiness but your disorders ruin it. Eh. Happens. I will rest today and with new energy go to fight. I don’t like giving up, you know.
Still learning how to live in peace with my disorders.
Much love for you all.
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Hang in there, Nastya. There will probably be some days like this one you’re going through, but they will be more rare with time and you will learn how to cope. You’ve gone through a lot and already achieved a lot, although it may not seem like you have (when we feel down, we tend to minimize our achievements).
This too shall pass, as they wisely say. We’re with you.
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Thank you a lot. <3
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Day 16.
I just woke up. I missed breakfast, but that’s okay - I’m not mad at myself. I give myself rest and peace. At least with it my head stopped hurt! I feel like I have new energy. I will later do for myself coffee and my own breakfast.
It’s already soon 2 weeks how I’m in Italy and without my boyfriend. I miss him and I image how I hug him every night. I’m very excited when I will be back home and meet him. We text to each other every night and he said yesterday that he misses me too. I like when he writes me what he did at day and some stories. I like to listen to him. <3
Some symptoms while I’m sober: my nails are crushing a lot, same goes to my hair, which falls down. Not so much as my nails, but still. I take care of them and it seems to help. When I will be back home I will find something to hide my hands - I can’t in public show this cruel thing on my hands. Every day I see that my face is becoming way more tired, but as well more healthy. No very ugly circles under my eyes anymore. They’re still there, tho, but way less. Feeling of being exhausted is still with me. Any activity gives me feeling of tiredness, but drawing isn’t giving me this feeling anymore. So I draw all day! Just now realised I needed to take with myself more art stuff, so I could paint, craft or draw with pencils etc. I have inky graphic pencils, unfortunately.
I started a lot to swim. It makes me feel more relaxed, even if it’s a sport. Water helps me a lot. I always image how it hugs me tightly and says that everything will be fine. I don’t know why because I’m Earth element in astrology and I don’t have big connection to Water element, but maybe Earth and Water are connecting with each other in this spiritual way. 
Maybe my moon which is in water element somehow has connection with this (my moon is in cancer and yes, I’m interested in astrology and this all stuff. ), but I don’t know. We will see.
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I’m glad you are doing so good.
As for the water, I never really thought about it, but now two things come to my mind. At University - I guess those were the happiest years of my life - when I felt stressed (rarely), I used to clean the bathroom. It was already clean, but I found it relaxing. My roommate noticed it and remembered that somewhere she read that doing something with water can have some therapeutic effect.
As for the sea, I hate to admit that I pretty rarely swim these days. It’s a shame, considering that I only have to get out of our garden and cross the street and I’m on the beach. But with the heat and especially the fatigue (I mentioned I’m tapering xanax), it’s just too hard.
I’m Leo, but the only element I feel I belong to is water. I have no problem swimming during winter sometimes and I find the hug of the sea really comforting and relaxing.
Wish you all the best!
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That’s interesting! Thank you a lot.
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Thanks!! I will be keep going!
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Day 18.
Sigh.
Again not very fine times came for me. I had tonight psychosis and anxiety attack. I didn’t sleep very well, so all day I’m like walking zombie and watching serial Chicago meds. 
Not that productive like I’m supposed to be. But whatever.
I as well do not have any energy to socialise… I just want to hide under my blanket and sleep forever… Sigh. Again.
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Good days an less good ones friend. Take 'm as they come. Keep working on you, as much as you can on any given time and day. I’m glad you’re here. Hugs.
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@nastya_is_fighting so glad you keep showing up. I remind myself when I’m having a particularly hard day that it will pass. I will be in a different state of mind tomorrow. That helps to quiet my mind. You’ve got this.
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Day 25.
I don’t know how I did to almost 1 month being clean from benzos. It feels so unreal.
I wasn’t here really active, because I’m feeling really down. Extreme mood swings, arguing with my boyfriend and my family, flashbacks, psychosis and nightmares. Also I need to fond job… I don’t think I can hold on next few months, but maybr I’m mistaking…
I feel like something inside of me cracked and now bleeds. From my mental pain which I hold in myself for years became into aggression. Something what I didn’t want to happen, but happened. That’s why I argue with boyfriend and my family. I’m being too mean to them and they don’t deserve it. Especially to my boyfriend, who is as well tired from his own stuff. Because of this I feel so guilty. I want to hurt myself…
I wish I was sleeping all day and found some strenght to keep fighting. I wish I was… More… Logical then emotional. But… Whatever.
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You keep working at getting better friend. One day at a time. It’s not easy but don’t give up. You got a lot of stuff to progress. Learn to love yourself. Thanks for dropping in. X
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