I just want to get off, ppl said that I had a career going on, male model, got involved into the business, drugs, money, fame. Right now, I have to deal with divorce, lost money, friends, life, value out of life … it all sucks. Can’t wear most of my clothes, cause I got fat due to alcohol abuse, I just want to stop it, tried it a thousand times, need to stop it right now, looking like the living dead, traded my emotions for a contract to commit … Honestly, I am done with it - sick of it all, I don’t wanna be this … 16 years of abuse, it has to end right now!
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It’s never too late to turn your life around, but it usually happens when you’re looking at the past! It really puts strength to the phrase “sick and tired of being sick and tired.” You’ve got this, and you have plenty of support here. It’s hard to admit that you’ve spent years avoiding yourself, but be proud that you are aware and able to make the changes now! 
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Hi @Andy and welcome back. 
Congrats on making a decision to end it now.
Many of us have left a trail of destruction and tried “a thousand times” first, but to make it stick longer maybe try something different this time? This forum is amazing, but also consider getting all the support you can - an inpatient/outpatient program, AA or other fellowships, reading, videos, meditation, nutrition and diet - there is so much out there! But it has to all come from you.
Here is a useful thread on getting through early recovery:
(Surviving Alcohol Withdrawal/Early Sobriety Techniques)
And recovery-related links that members have posted:
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Thank you very much, it means the world to me 
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Thank you so much, Livy It’s really hard, letting go all of this, but thank you so much for your support!
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Day 1 - Life feels boring, I’m still thinking of drinking tonight, is it common that you say to yourself, “it’s not that bad”, just one drink"? @melrm thank you so much :))))
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Hey @Andy - is it common? I just searched the forum for “just one” and got over 50 results! 
It doesn’t work - I used to try “just one” bottle - still didn’t work. It quickly goes back to spiral of abuse.
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Thank you all, it’s amazing how great this forum is for me, the exchange and the opportunity to let all of this just go is simply amazing, thank you very much!
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@Andy…I like this advice from @Oliverjava . This is what I’m working on right now too.
I know you can do this and you’ll have lots of support here.
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I like the advice I heard at a meeting last week to “talk the drink all the way through.” Where will you buy the drink? What will happen as you drink that drink? After you finish that drink, will you feel any better? What will happen next?? Will that really be it, or will you go out and buy a whole bottle? How will that make you feel if you do? Etc.
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Right now, it’s 5.43 pm in my local time zone and I buried myself in work, I could do another 6 hour sprint to get ahead my working schedule. Honestly, I feel the cravings right now, I was out for a run for half an hour, it was really nice to breathe the fresh air. Damn it, I feel it rising up, but I don’t know why, all I can think of is the taste of an ice cold beer (I live in Europe, so the beer tastes really frickin’ good :D) … sorry for my sarcastic sense of humor.
@vsue thank you very much, I agree @kareness yeah, this is really a good advice, love it! @Oliverjava true, I know instantly, that I am about to drink at minimum 4 to 6 drinks …
I’ve been getting a lot of cravings too but I’m trying to stay busy and focused. I want to stay sober and feel better. Some of those cravings make me feel weak but I know it’s normal. One day at a time and all of this will pass.
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hm … fucked it up, got 2 drinks tonight - not feeling anything, got rid of my booze, feeling kind of dumb right now -.- got nothing out of the drinks, really - didn’t feel anything good, so I stopped.
Got 9 drinks yesterday … 
Crawled in my bed, slept with my clothes on … damn it. I have to get my shit together, I’m sick of this.
@Andy Really try to just focus on today. Forget yesterday now, and don’t worry if you will drink tomorrow. Wake up and say “I will not drink today”. The only drink you have to not have is the first one, then there won’t be a 2nd or 9th. Please don’t give up.
This is what I posted on another thread yesterday:
Anyone resetting frequently has to ask themselves…
Have I fully committed yet?
What can I do differently this time?
What support or mental tools can I add in besides the forum? For example…
inpatient treatment
outpatient treatment
Dr. consult maybe with medications
AA and other fellowships
books
worksheets
websites
videos
meditation
daily self-care
Also I would recommend spending some time studying relapse prevention and how to deal with cravings. Some good resources are in these posts:
(Different Aspects of Recovery)
(Different Aspects of Recovery)
I am in no way implying that I am “above” relapsing - far from it! I’m working at it all too.
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Thank you very much @JohnSee It takes so much pressure off my shoulders, now that I can speak about it. I will never give up!
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Hi @Andy Andy,
I know it feels hopeless right now, but we have all been there. There IS a way out! What has worked for me is joining AA, getting a sponsor, and using this forum to get me through. This forum has helped me more than I thought possible, but it’s not enough. AA is the program I needed. I’m only on day 21 and still vulnerable to the first drink, but I have tools I can use to get through as @JohnSee said.
Take some time and find a program, group, support system that works for your. For me, being accountable to my sponsor, my AA home group, and the people out here had made all the difference. I’ve been relapsing since 2012. We don’t claim perfection at this, just progress!
Stay strong, we are here for you!
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Thank you so much @Roga I knew, I shouldn’t say this, but I had my first drink couple hours ago I’ve come to a point where I am shaking a little bit - never thought it would be that serious.
@Andy I totally understand where you are. Before this sober time for me, I would wake up and continue drinking rum and coke at 6:30am in the hopes it would make me feel better. It made the day SO much worse.
Have you thought about medical detox and rehab? You might need that level of help in addition to this wonderful group. You may want to research that. We will always be here for you. Try to commit to not drinking for the next hour or two. Keep checking in here. You can do this. Be brave, that is my motto.
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