Hello, I’m very new to this. I apologize if I’m not doing this correctly.
I’m Savannah, 19. Have an eating disorder that has been really difficult to cope with. Going on 4 years.
I struggle with addiction to tobacco and cannabis
(yachts), as well as some sleeping pills but I was able to push through that. Been addicted for 2 1/2 years and I was forced to quit due to an anxiety attack after a regular toke 3 days ago. I now struggle daily with panic attacks and I am struggling to find manners to cope. I’ve tried a few grounding techniques and it helps very slightly but the feeling never goes away.
Smoking was my release, now it causes me great discomfort and anxiety. I worry so much and it’s taking over my life. I was never like this before, even while smoking. I recently suffered major trauma as my dad whoms’t I love so much, made a terrible decision and received life in prison last year.
I just need advice or support, I feel like a lost cause I’ve been crying out so hard to get help for so many years. I’ve been on an eating disorder wait list for 3 years now.
Hi Savannah, thanks for sharing your story and welcome here! We have a few eating disorder threads, many members familiar with ED, tobacco and weed smoking. It’s good on you wanting to kick this shit outta your life! Sounds like you have enough going on without growing even bigger substance addictions, right. I’m sorry to hear about your dad. That must be so hard! Have you got anyone to talk to about this?
If I was you, I wouldn’t be so worried about the panik and anxiety for now. I also have a lot of anxiety. It sucks. But there are reasons for that. I would focus on finding someone to talk to. There are self help groups, for everything. In real life or on intherooms.com
This may sound weird, but they help. Cos feeling heard and understood helps us and makes us feel less alone.
Also, interact here! There are a lot of cool and knowledgeable ppl here. I continue to be inspired by them!
Lastly, have you sought the help of a councilor or therapist? I don’t know where you live and what it’s like there, how difficult it is to get to see someone. But their help and what we can learn about ourselves in therapy can be invaluable. Could you look into it?
For now: congrats again on your decision to get sober off your vices. You have come to the right place. I see you, I hear you. The anxiety is shit but it will not always be like this.
Have a good read around here. Advice for the Newcomer and Constant Relapser Resources for our recovery
Thank you so very much for the warm welcome. It truly means a lot to be welcomed into such a kind community.
I have in fact tried councillors and therapists, since I was 10. Unfortunately I’ve been tossed around the system and never made any progress cause I was changing therapists constantly (against my family and I’s choice). I’ve been on antidepressants since I was 12 but truthfully I haven’t been as consistent as I should be with them. When the stuff occurred with my father, we lost our benefits and I wasn’t able to go to work because I was too sick. Therefore I couldn’t afford any services at the time, but thankfully we figured out our money situation last month.
I just recently contacted a trauma specialist and I have my appointment with her on Thursday. Although we had a prior appointment and I never heard from her so it was incredibly discouraging.
I will definitely be sure to look into those threads and services, thanks for the reassurance about the anxiety and such. Very much appreciated, I look forward to continuing this journey even though it is terrifying to me.
I struggled with drugs, an eating disorder off and on and started having anxiety and panic attacks and what worked for me was I had to stop using all
mind altering substances (drugs) and stuff like nicotine and caffeine because it was making my anxiety worse. I had to get on medications, where I live the government pays for it if you can’t… I don’t know if that’s an option for you. I’m in the U.S. and then I got into therapy and I still am in therapy for over a year now. Also, I developed a strong relationship with a Higher Power, for me that is God and I started praying to Him when I had anxiety and it took a while but I truly truly believe He took my anxiety away. Not right away but over time. And whenever I get scared or anxious I pray to Him and put my trust in Him and know that no harm will come to me and that God is always protecting me. So you don’t have to be “religious” to do that. It has helped me so much in my sobriety, I am almost 2 years sober from hard drugs and restricting food, over one year from cigarettes. Recovery is possible and the feelings your feelings will not last forever. I hope you find peace
Hi Savanah, feeling alone is the worst and I was so relieved when I was taught that just because we feel something doesn’t mean it’s real. You are not alone. You have just tapped into a global, diverse, supportive, amazing community. I can assure you that you don’t ever have to feel alone again.
Like the girls have stated there are lots of us who have been/ are battling ED . It seems to co-occur often with other addictions. My high level of anxiety was keeping me loaded until I just got so sick I had no choice but to push through the anxiety to get clean. I now am able to use tools like the Insight Timer App and other means of mediation and grounding to get through the anxiety I have. I highly suggest you try it, there is a HUGE library and there are live meditations, classes etc.
I am really sorry to hear about your dad. There have been times in my life where people who I love with all of my being have made choices that have taken them away from me. This has a lot of times left me full of sadness and then anger, disappointment among so many other emotions. Something that I keep being reminded in my life is Pain + Non Acceptance = Suffering
So unless we radically accept things that are out of our hands we are simply creating our own suffering. Acceptance is a difficult principle to learn but the more you practice it the better you will get at it… That’s what I am learning anyway.
I used to smoke everyday! Then one day, smoking just triggered insane intense anxiety. One of which was my wedding day i can tell you that after 30 days of no smoking pot, cigs, or drinking, i can feel that flutter, that fight or flight to panic. But it is Soo much more manageable! That for me has been really helpful to sticking to being sober. It used to be my release. But now, those old coping mechanisms do not work for you. Are you curious to explore new techniques for relaxation? For release? For coping with your anxiety?
Cause you’re body and soul are read for you to explore and discover! You got this!
Hi Savannah wow you’ve been round the block a bunch, therapy-wise. That is probably a blessing and a curse. I know the feeling of falling through the cracks. I had a first therapy in my 20s go absolutely sideways and leaving me stranded even worse than I started out. But I was lucky that I got back with another woman after a few bad years, and now I’m doing a lot of work with her.
I sincerely hope the specialist you’re seeing on Thursday will be a good fit and you can get to work with them! Be sure to post here how the meeting goes, I’ll absolutely be rooting for you girl!
Something about taking antidepressants since age 10 makes me very sad. I have nothing against them and I know that some people need to be on them to be able to live a better life and that they can help. But somehow I think, a wee child of 10, what chance did you really have to explore the reasons of why you were depressed before going on them? And maybe it’s time to give that another chance. Not just hoping to feel better, but now that you’re an adult, trying to feel all that’s there, get it all out, see what causes your pain. I’m certainly hoping you’ll get a chance to do that. With or without the antidepressants, whatever your way may be.
If I may ask, who or what made you change therapists so often, against your wishes? For obviously it’s the therapeutic relationship that is the single most important ingredient for good therapy, and if you’re constantly forced to leave, there can be none.
I see now many more wonderful ladies have welcomed you and I hope you can feel all the warmth and good will that is directed at you, Savannah. Feel it. It’s yours.
Your in good company alot of great people here who can offer comfort and support, glad to see you here reaching out for help. Your not alone thats good you have something lined up with a therapist who can help you further along with your struggles. Dont be afraid to ask here people are willing to listen and offer suggestions. Remember you dont have to deal with your addictions alone.
Hello. I feel you pain regarding anxiety. Even when I’m not high I’m anxious and uncomfortable in my skin.
I’m not sure how you feel about herbal remedies but flower essences will help with your anxiety. Look up Bach “aspen” or go to lotuswei and choose one that specifically speaks to you. I was skeptical at first but they work. I hope this offers some help. Stay strong!
Hi Savannah, I’m Caroline I’m so sorry I missed this when you originally posted it. I can very much relate to what you said. I have suffered from an ED for 10 years, panic attacks, and only stopped taking sleeping pills about a week ago. I am so thankful you found us and this forum. I and so many others are here for support you can message me whenever you want. Sometimes I feel alone too and would love to chat anytime
You aren’t alone, sending you the biggest hug.
using all
i can tell you that after 30 days of no smoking pot, cigs, or drinking, i can feel that flutter, that fight or flight to panic. But it is Soo much more manageable! That for me has been really helpful to sticking to being sober. It used to be my release. But now, those old coping mechanisms do not work for you. Are you curious to explore new techniques for relaxation? For release? For coping with your anxiety?
Welcome Savannah 
I’m so sorry I missed this when you originally posted it. I can very much relate to what you said. I have suffered from an ED for 10 years, panic attacks, and only stopped taking sleeping pills about a week ago. I am so thankful you found us and this forum. I and so many others are here for support you can message me whenever you want. Sometimes I feel alone too and would love to chat anytime 