Haha lol.
Yeah. At least I know it’s temporary. And as for the day program, it costs money and I only have a set amount cause of insurance and I don’t want to waste it unless it’s really bad. But idk. We’ll see.
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Yeah, exactly. Cause he’s my buddy. Yeah, I think that was it, cause he seems ok now. I was just so worried cause he’s like the best thing in my life right now.
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Ah I see yes maybe worth seeing how you feel in a few days. Is there anyone else you can reach out to? E.g. a nice teacher at school? The church you liked? And there’s always Samaritans don’t forget.
In the meantime glad your little guy is OK. I know fluffy cuddles don’t make everything better but they definitely help a bit 
Hey how’s it going?
Yeah. I’ve been thinking about it for a while. I’m just waiting to see if anything gets worse. I have therapists and stuff. We’re doing good work generally, but I have trouble talking.
Yeah, I’m so relieved. Omg they so do! They’re so helpful and my dog licks my face constantly and it’s adorable. He’s such a cutie pie.
I’m doing alright rn. Been a but sick. I’m starting at a new PT place today to prepare for crew.
Getting to a headspace rn where I just feel utterly inadequate. I feel like I should be accomplishing so much more than I am. And that what I am doing isn’t as good as everyone else.
Of course I know that’s all not true and I know I’m not worthless. I’m just struggling rn.
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Check out that self awareness!
It’s ok to not be at full speed all the time. All any of us can do is our best and I know for me what that looks like is always changing. Some days it is crossing everything off the to do list, other days it is getting out of bed.
You got this
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I totally relate with walking on eggshells around my parents. They don’t understand what is going on and sometimes refuse to understand what goes through out brains. You’ll find ways to help them understand! It definitely does not come easy, but it does help when those close understand
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Lol thanks 
.
Yeah. It’s hard to remember that sometimes. Yeah. I feel like my best is never good enough though. Even though I know I’m trying. Yeah. I’ve been noticing a lot of fatigue lately. I’ve always had it, but it’s way worse now. To the point where even if I’ve had good sleep im tired within a few hours of getting up. I think it has to do with me thinking all the time and with sensory input being overwhelming for me. Oof. Idk. Sorry it’s so long.
Yeah, exactly. I have to be really careful around them. I try and explain and they say I don’t get enough sleep or they just think I’m not trying hard enough. They get mental illness, but my mom has only seen her seasonal affective and her sister’s bipolar and not full on depression, so idk. My friend understands but I don’t really talk to her much so idk. Oof. Sorry it’s so long. Again.
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Having unrealistically high expectations of yourself is difficult. It something I continue work on, why should I hold myself to a higher standard than I would hold anyone else? Sometimes it’s about accepting where I’m at and sometimes it’s about checking my ego a bit 
Sometimes it’s actually just stopping thinking about it for a while - walk/meditate/read/watch TV (or in your case play some music, do some art) and letting something be a distraction.
I try and think about how I would talk to someone else if they came to me saying they don’t feel good enough… I’d tell them all the things I think they’re great at! That they are enough. Doing that kind of personal self inventory is difficult when you’re feeling rough.
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Yeah, exactly. I hold others to a high expectations until I start caring about them. Then I lose all expectations for them and make up excuses. Lol yeah. Acceptance is key. Yeah. I distract myself like a TON.
That’s a good one. I’ve never tried it, but I’ve heard of it. I might try it actually. It’s probably not something I could do in the moment, but afterwards I’ll definitely try. That’s really sweet. I love that.
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I had a flashback like thing. It was bad. I was in the car with my dad too so I had to hide it. It wasn’t like a full flashback. It was more of a memory that I couldn’t stop, but I knew where I was and I didn’t feel like I was physically there, so idk. It was hard. It hasn’t happened in a while, so it’s not fun.
I just remembered something I learned in the hospital that might be helpful for me especially when dealing with flashbacks (which have been happening more).
It’s called a STUN wave. It stands for Sensations, Thoughts, Urges, and I forget what the N is. Then once you acknowledge and understand those, you ride out the emotion like a wave.
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That sounds like a really good technique. Your flashbacks, is this something you’d therapist is aware of?
I don’t know if I’ve told her about them.
I forget. She knows I get these memories when I don’t want to though.
I should probably tell her but I’m really bad at talking. So idk. Ahhhh. If it doesn’t go away soon, I’ll email her about it, cause I can’t talk. Oof. I might try and bring it up this Wednesday. Idk. Ahhhh. I’m so stressed. Oof. I’m gonna try. We’ll see. Oof.
Sending an email is a great idea - let me know what you decide to do
I’m gonna try to talk in person. If I can’t, I will email after.
Update:
Today wasn’t great. Lots of acid reflux. And stress. It’s so stressful when your teacher constantly says you’re stupid. Idk. Ahhh. I hate him so much. Ughhh.