Thank you. I just want to lose weight. I do know that my friends and family and whatever don’t think I’m ugly or fat, but yeah.
I know I’m nice. But I also think I’m fat and gross lol.
You’re not interrupting at all, I find it helpful to have people’s input.
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My back’s generally doing ok. The other day it totally spazzed out on my way to the gym and I had to stop at the pharmacy for an ice pack.
It’s still not good enough to go back to rowing though. I’m meeting with a chiropractor soon to figure out what to do to get back to rowing with less pain.
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Glad to hear it’s (mainly) getting better. Does that mean you can walk your doggo more? I find going on nice walks and exploring nice places so good. For mental and physical health! Also…
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Yeah. There’s also pollen and obesity though, so it’s still limited, but not as badly lol.
Those are amazing! Thank you! I’m literally crying lol. I mean I’m pms-ing, but still.
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I’ve been feeling really worthless. And having really bad urges to cut or not eat or throw up or something. It’s been really bad.
It’s to the point where I just feel bad for existing. Idk. I just feel crappy and idk why.
Also my new pharmacy switched my med manufacturer and the new one makes them a weird shape that I can’t swallow, so I have to go in tomorrow and ask if they can get me them from the old manufacturer. And I can’t cut the new ones in half cause the edges are sharp and I can barely swallow pills as is.
Where are things at with your therapy stuff at the moment, have you been able to go recently?
When does your summer break start?
I’m on break rn. And therapy was ok. Till now. My therapist wanted my sister to join her other group. And I don’t want her to, but I feel bad for it and iddnt tell her. So she kept bugging me about it and the other group members stood up for me, but I still couldn’t talk for the rest of group. So I’m not doing great. And I don’t really want to go next week.
Oh also, I told my parents like 3-4 days ago that I don’t want my sister to have the same group therapist. And my dad said they already emailed her to tell her my sister wasn’t joining. But apparently not cause of the third friggin degree. Not doing great rn. Crying in my car till I can pull myself together and go inside.
That’s good that the other group members stood up for you right? Hope today is looking a little brighter for you my friend.
What’s on the cards for you this summer? Last year I remember you saying you went to a business camp…?
Yeah. I feel really grateful and just touched that they could really empathize with me and that they stood up for me. It was amazing. Today’s been nice though.
Yeah, I’m not doing much. Now, I’m looking at a few art and woodworking intensives for the rest of the summer.
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Oh I’m so glad you’ve had a nice day. And that sounds amazing! Look forward to hearing what you pick and seeing what awesome things you create 
Flashbacks. I know they’re not real. But I still feel them. And I can’t stop them. And I can’t make my body stop reacting to them.
Hey thanks☺️
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That sounds intense. How long does it usually last for?
Normally only like a few minutes. Up to 10/15.
I’m a little down rn. I just realized I will probably need to have therapy and maybe medication, and need to be vigilant about my mental health for the rest of my life. And idk. I also know that people who have been addicted to one thing are more likely to be addicted to other things and idk if cutting counts as like an actual addiction or not. We’ll see, I guess.
So yeah. It’s a little disheartening to think that I will probably struggle with this forever.
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I’m sad today. I don’t know why.
Aww. What’s been going on?
I think cutting definitely counts as an actual addiction.
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Who knows if it will last forever. We can’t predict the future and playing the what if game is rarely helpful. That’s why we take it one day at a time 
But like idk if it does for me or if it’s just a symptom of depression which goes away if I manage depression. Idk. I tend to invalidate my own feelings too much, so that’s probably why I’m questioning it so much lol.
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