Is anyone here?
Having my second panic attack of the day and just trying not to hurt myself and stressing over everything at home. Cause now my dadās avoiding me and it sucks. And I need my mom. But she needs support rn too and idk. And Ed isnāt picking up or texting or anything and Rosanna is at work.
Hey whatās happening, have you told your mum about your dad? Just because you said about her needing support too, it made me wonder.
Walk, breathe, fluffy cuddles with the pup. Be here now and deal with later when it gets here 
Yeah. I did. Did I not say that lol? Oops.
Yeah, my puppy is the only good thing rn so weāre hanging out a lot hahaha
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Did he come clean about it when confronted?
He said it was only online and he felt bad and had been looking for a therapist. And my mom believes him and theyāre working things out. So yeah. Idk. I mostly believe him. He really does seem sorry and yeah. Idk.
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It sounds like youāve done what you can. Itās good that theyāre working things out!
Yeah. Is okay rn lol.
Iām just trying to deal with my fatigue right now.
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When do you get your blood test results?
Just got them a few days ago. I have to take vitamin d and iron supplements for at least three months. And we wonāt see any difference in fatigue for at least a month.
Oh well at least you have an idea of what was wrong. It will be getting lighter/ nicer weather soon too, hopefully that will help!
Yeah, hopefully
Iām having panic attacks and flashbacks and idk what to do and I hate it. I thought this was over. Oof. Ah well.
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Struggling.
Headaches, dizzy, canāt see, hurting myself by accident, crying, flashbacks, anxiety, light sensitivity. Idk. Having a hard time. Canāt focus much.
Boyfriend not talking. Missing him. Feeling really alone. And all this isnāt stuff I can deal with alone. But I feel like thereās no one to talk to.
Resetting my binge-eating clock. But I havenāt restricted food in 10 months, so thatās good.
What do you want to talk about?
A binge eating clock is a good idea. I need to do something like that. Not sure Iām quite ready but I am getting there!
Mostly I just need to complain cause of health stuff. Plus, idk. I need to talk to my therapist about my flashbacky things. Cause when I have them, I canāt stop hitting myself, and thatās not good.
Yeah. I should have reset it before. I just didnāt want to admit I messed up. So yeah. Itās something hard to measure too. Itās very subjective. But ah well. You will get there. (So will I hahaš)
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I love having constant headaches and ddizziness. I was putting up the hardware for some shades and had to look up, then down, and do that a bunch and it made me so dizzy and made my headache worse. And now itās in throbbing pain. So thatās nice.
Sometimes my dizziness and headaches and fatigue all combine and are so bad I get blurry vision or canāt walk right, or both. And that happened today. So health wise, itās been pretty cruddy.
Plus, itās taking like 80% of my energy to not hurt myself. I kind of want to make a graphic design project explaining why my tiredness is messing me up. People act all understanding and sympathetic until they want something from me. Then itās like ācome on, the activity will be helpfulā, or ācanāt you just do this one little thing?ā, or āyouāve been sitting there watching TV for hours, just do what Iām asking, itās one thingā.
Thereās this thing people say, where your energy is like spoons. You only have so many and they only hold so much and once theyāre full, you canāt do more without messing up one of the spoons. Iām going to draw that on my laptop and when I finish it, Iām going to post it here to see if it makes sense. Then, when trying to explain how I feel to anyone, I can just whip it out as a diagram lol.
Anyways, this has been a lot. Iām just not doing too super rn. Sorry this was so long and rambling. Part of being constantly tired is not knowing how language works or remembering what Iāve already said. Reading is also hard. So sorry yāall. Itās like 5 pages longš
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Itās really frustrating. Working out is fun during it, but after, it makes me really tired for like the rest of the day. Itās annoying.
And Iāve explained this to my mother. Yet itās still her solution to everything. She still thinks working out will help.
The only exercise I do is training my dog and walking him. Heās cute enough that the tiredness is worth it. But my mom just doesnāt understand the extreme exhaustion Iām always experiencing. Itās annoying.
I also have been thinking about how we could have fixed this a long time ago. My last checkup was about 6 months ago. I told her I was tired all the time, but not depressed or anxious, and she just kinda was like huh, weird.
About 3 months ago, I went to the doctor for the worst headache Iāve ever had. I told him Iād had headaches for over 2 years. Without asking about other symptoms or apparently listening to what I had said, he said it was stress.
For two years? Every other day for over two years? Really?
If he had done his job and asked about symptoms like dizziness, fatigue, vision problems, etc. We could have realized there was something wrong before it became dangerous. They could have found my vitamin deficiency right as I was getting worse and by now we would know if treatment was helpful. Itās so annoying. I know my body and I know when something is wrong and I know whatās normal and what has to do with my anxiety and depression. I can tell. And yet doctors donāt take it seriously.
At least until you fall asleep in your car and almost die.