Sorry I thought I replied to this 
College will be really exciting, Iām sure there will be challenges (nothing worthwhile is ever easy etc) but definitely something to look forward to and work towards!
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Definitely. Iāmma try hard and I wanna make sure I get in so I can leave.
Update. Been almost a month. Ah well. It actually hasnāt been hard not talking to him. But now my one other close friend (heās far so itās online) hasnāt been talking much and I really miss him. We talk most days and itās great but I really needed him today and he wasnāt here and Iām sure thereās a reason, but Iām just really sad. Plus the whole having depression thing doesnāt help. Ah well.
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I bet the whole having depression thing doesnāt help! Like you say, probably a reason, hope you do hear from your other friend soon.
How does it work over there, are you back at school yet or on your summer break still?
P.s. I tried looking up some ASMR stuff. I didnāt really get it 
Yeah, lol.
I have no school for one more week.
I had group therapy and individual today tho and it was a lot. It was really stressful. And it made me cry and idk why. I just started crying. I think Iām just really overwhelmed and stressed about my blood test and I was reminded of people who hurt me during group and reminded that I am losing a friend and itās just hard to hide stuff from people. I always have to remember what Iāve told to who and itās a lot. So Iām sitting in my bathroom crying now and Iām gonna eat my weight in oatmeal cause thatās the only yummy food I can think of right now that wonāt ruin my blood test on Friday. Thanks for reading if youāve gotten this far. I just had to talk to someone. Thanksš
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Ah mate sorry youāve had a rough day. Itās ok to cry when youāre feeling sad and it sounds like you had some hard stuff to talk/think about! I find having a shower helps when Iām overwhelmed/crying (if Iām at home obvs), something about the water washing everything awayā¦ š¤· Good plan with the oatmeal, hope it helped.
Who do you feel you have to hide stuff from?
Looking forward to going back to school?
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Yeah. Iām more ok now. Mostly just terrified for my blood test tomorrow cause Iām super scared of needles and I hate it.
Literally from everyone. My therapist, my group, my parents, my friends, my teachers, my coaches, my doctorās.
Not really lol. Like kinda cause I wonāt have to deal with my family as much, but also school stresses me out.
Whatās the blood test for? Hopefully it all went quickly, over and done with!
Why do you feel like you have to hide stuff with people? That sounds like it is a pretty big burden to carry. Obviously donāt worry if you donāt want to share it here, you can just say so!
I mentioned meditation before, have you ever given it a try? I have seen people talk about an app called Insight Timer which has loads of free content. I use Calm which I pay for but there is free content. Their 7 day introduction to meditation is ready good to get going with. It doesnt change the things we stressed about but it can help with how we react to things. It took a few months for it to make a difference for me but now Iām in a fairly regular habit, 10 mins most days, it is really helpful.
It was for cholesterol. They didnāt tell me this, but turns out it was a finger prick not a full on blood draw, which would have been nice to know. It sucked, but itās over now.
Just cause Iāve told everyone different amounts of stuff based on how much I trust them and think theyāll keep it private and stuff like that.
I canāt do meditation. It stresses me out too much lol. But I do have an awesome breathing app called prana that helps a lot. It helps me like calm down and stuff.
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Ah so it wasnāt as bad as you thought. Annoying that it caused more stress than needed, but good it wasnāt a full on needle situation!
The breathing app sounds good. The connection to the breath is what I find useful about meditation, like just being focused on right now. The past has happened, the future will happen, the breath is now 
Sorry to hear thereās so many people around you that you canāt trust. Hope school goes ok this week. Just take it one day (one class!) At a time 
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Same. Thatās why Iām here. It lifts me up somewhat. Just reading the things you all share. It makes me feel slightly less alone. I think itās just the knowledge / reminder that somebody somewhere, with my same goals, and flaws has undertaken this great challenge along with me. And, it feels better to know this trail has already been blazed, Iām not inventing sobriety. Plus I think, maybe in time Iāll be a help to someone else who comes here for support, the way you all help me. I bit of hope never hurts
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Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, breathing helps ground me.
Yeah. I think itāll be ok. Schools a bit stressful, but I donāt mind it that much.
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Same. The whole idea that were all in it together to some extent. For me itās not sobriety tho, itās safety and eating lol.
And thatās right. Hope never hurts. Wellā¦ I could argue with that but I wonāt lol cause I need to believe that rn lolš
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Iām really sad rn. Iāve been having flashbacks again lately. And Iām really lonely rn. None of my friends know about the assault. I think Iām gonna tell my best friend next time she sleeps over. I keep trying but can never get up the nerve, but idk. Anyways yeah. Lonely and flashbacks and they make me scared and sad. And they mess with my mental health cause like I feel like I did back then, which is waaaaayyyyyy worse than I am now so it just sucks and I hate it. And Iām having a lot of trouble controlling eating rn. Iāll forget to eat for a day then the next day Iāll eat like 5,000 Calories. Itās crazy and hard to control rn. And Iām so tired. Sorry for just complaining, but I need to vent. This is kinda a vent the, right?
Sometimes the thought of things can be so overwhelming but hopefully once you get stuck into some interesting stuff at school it will be ok! Iām rooting for you anyway
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The flashbacks sound scary! Is that something youāve been able to talk to anyone about? Like in therapy?
Whoās your best friend, have you known her a while? Itās good to hear you have someone you feel like you can trust enough to open up to even if it is hard to get the nerve.
What have you had to eat today?
Iām reading what you post, I donāt mind. If youād rather just vent without me responding you can say so, I wonāt be offended
Yeah, I bet it will. Thanks!
Iāve mentioned it to my therapist and we worked on it a bit but then stopped after theyād gone away but now theyāre back. So yeah.
Weāve been friends for five years, best friends for three. Yeah, I definitely trust her. She trusts me, which adds to my trust in her lol.
I had a peach. And a half a Graham cracker. And some tea.
Yeah, I sometimes like that, but most of the time talking through it or at least knowing someoneās there, willing to talk to me is super helpful.
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I saw a good Dalai Lama post on Facebook the other day about friendship and trust. He knows his shit!
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Ok thatās just a truth bomb right there. Dang. Thatās so true like ahhhhh.
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