Hi everybody. I am tired of lying to myself and letting ME down. I am a binge drinker. I didn’t think it was a bad thing because I don’t drink everyday and I don’t have alcohol cravings. But, when I do drink it is all or nothing and I hate myself when I wake up the next morning. I have repeated this pattern drinking every Friday night for the last 15 plus years. My mom passed away in October of 2020 and my drinking increased to 3-4 times a week. Over the last 6 months I have gotten it back “under control” 
or at least that is what I tell myself. It’s ok your only drinking once a week again…Nope! My anxiety/depression hits full force the next morning and I am so tired of doing this to myself. The longest I have gone is 14 days without having my wine. It’s scary to say goodbye. But here lately it’s scarier knowing I am slowly killing myself and destroying my peace. I want to be the best version of myself and I now know that will never happen if I continue drinking. Thank y’all for listening.
You’re in the right place for support where ppl understand what your dealing with and without judgement.For me I was one who thought I could control everything and anything and that included my drinking No matter what it got worse even if I went 2wks without drinking I would end up drinking harder or more once life happened n it didn’t go my way ex my grandma died, lost my job, car broke down .So for me it was time to let go and yes life without drinking was scary n I had to get use to it. Just like being sober for a while now I had to get use to this new sober life and new way of living. If you can get to a in person meeting to AA that’s start to buy your here n that’s amazing . Continue to reach out on here to others. I wish you well on your journey. #wedorecover
Welcome Alicia, to this great sober community.
This app has been my biggest form of support for my sobriety. It was impossible for me to quit on my own. God knows I tried. Have a good read around and get settled in. Lots of great people here all trying not to pick up that most important drink. The first one.
Here are two good threads to start:
- Resources for our recovery 3
-
Frequently asked questions about sobriety for newcomers
If you got any questions. Just ask. There’s always someone around to help.
I hope to see you around.
Yeah i “got it under control” by drinking only twice a week, and I stuck to it for a long time, only breaking that on Xmas/new years. But I realized was drinking the same amount or more in those 2 days than I was when I was drinking 3-4 times a week so I still felt awful and the anxiety can last for days. So yeah I reached the same conclusion you did. Under control but not under control. I also found my week would sort of revolve around the days I wanted to drink and that’s distracting and doesn’t allow for much flexibility.