There’s an old expression: if you walk 5 years into the forest, it’ll take 5 years to walk out. Take this as a learning experience: there’s still some stuff you need to figure out about why you started running / escaping into addiction.
You’re not alone Judy. Addiction really f*kcs with your brain and your body. It is possible to learn to live sober and it is healthy and it is a good thing for you and your family. It will take some sustained effort 
Keep checking in here, keep participating, keep reading, keep watching / listening to sobriety interviews and podcasts. Join a recovery program online - there are many; you can access them just about 24 hrs a day.
There’s lots to learn and read and programs to join here:
And here: