Personally, I haven’t noticed a whole lot of triggering pics on TS.
However, I have a boundary to avoid all threads displaying pictures that might get me triggered.
For instance, it’s been 2 years since I’ve browsed the Sober Selfies thread. It’s much better for me that way.
I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time with it. I understand.
That’s a good point. I am moving towards that but I’m not quite there yet. I’m still getting out of a mindset that lets people walk over me, where I don’t respect my own boundaries.
I might be more sensible tomorrow. Tonight I’m pissed and angry and mainly venting.
Couldn’t have said it better myself so I gotta give you the credit it deserves.
Exhausted. Last week’s employment course has taken a toll on me. It’s a good course and I’m glad I’m on it. I have not worked in such a long time that my body and mind can’t keep up with a new daily activity. I would have needed an extra day to bounce back this weekend. Oh well. The course is lightweight and ends on Thursday. It’ll be ok.
I had some cravings this weekend but nothing I couldn’t manage. Being so wiped out physically and mentally definitely helped. Exhaustion and horny don’t usually go together LOL.
I saw my reflection on a glass door today. 1st thought: I’m pretty. Maybe it’ll be the only thought one day.
Lol Chris, ’twas actually I who made that comment. 
And FYI, it’s not offensive but funny.
Oh well, like Milele said, she’s responsible for that joke LOL. To my defense, that lamp belongs to my landlord. I could have changed it but couldn’t be bothered. It’s not my style but I have no complaints haha
Thank you Chris! That is encouraging 
You can come take over “Security Ops” for me. That will be an employment opportunity after all I all but trainer you via zoom
Why not? You get paid for sleeping through your shifts LOL. Easy money 
D 256
FUCK SHIT BOLLOCKS
On the scale of 1-10 of urges and danger of relapsing, I hit 9!!!
Think I know why. Not sure how to handle it. The counter saved me. No frigging way I’m gonna reset it!
FUCK PORN!!!
Oh, heck that doesn’t really work as well as fuck fentanyl… LOL?
D 257
I’m so glad I’m still at this number and not day zero. I don’t pay much attention to my numbers usually but right now they keep me clean and sober 
So how do I cope?
I got on a zoom call last night and it was good to share. I resumed my regular evening routines, texted with friends to keep my head straight and took a shower in an attempt to reboot. I took inventory this morning to see wtf happened. I will take that to therapy tomorrow. Today… I’m mindful of myself. Being tired and lonely are big factors. I want to find happiness triggers for times when I’m super exhausted, like now. Easier said than done when you can only manage a bare minimum.
I’m trying to remind myself why it’s not a good idea to act out. I have set certain boundaries for my sex life to protect myself but boy, somedays I’m frustrated with it.
I could really use a long hug from a friend 
I’d help you out with that hug but Helsinki didn’t like my passport,
Even tho I’m busy AF, you know you can reach out.
D 261
Divide et impera
“No, I won’t do that. I can’t control it.”
“Yes you can. You didn’t before, but you do now. If you believe you can’t gain control of yourself, that’s a problem.”
A conversation from my recent therapy session. My therapist challenged my thinking on the spot. It felt controversial at first. I’m an ADDICT, I’m supposed to ABSTAIN bc my life became unmanageable…
Addiction is like a beast. I think of the Shadow Monster in Stranger Things 3, or David, who kicked Goliath’s ass. I have no luck with my sling gun against the beast. Unless I take it apart.
Divide and conquer, in politics and sociology, is gaining and maintaining power by breaking up larger concentrations of power into pieces that individually have less power than the one implementing the strategy. What does this mean in sobriety?
There are certainly many ways and tools, like the 12 steps. I attend weekly therapy. Main goal is the same tho: you are made to face yourself. That is finding root causes of one’s addiction, addressing emotional pain, tackling toxic thought patterns and behaviours, taking care of physical health, daily rhythm, relationships, making amends etc. Here we have the beast divided into pieces. It’s definitely more manageable that way, don’t you think?
I can abstain from certain sexual behaviours but I can not block out sexuality from myself, nor do I need to. It is scary tho, to learn to manage parts of myself that have been unmanageable up until now.
We just had this conversation Liv,
I think some days your my therapist, and Kevin is some dude I rant to and he charges me
Lots of respect for you!!!
D 267
I’m overwhelmed. Nothing major happened but many little NEW things. I was in a social gathering (BBQ) after a loooong time. Saw some friends I hadn’t seen in ages. Other stuff happened too and suddenly it was just a bit too much. What’s wrong with me??
My therapist asked me this week if the forum has started to replace real life relationships for me. (Yes, I’ve told her about TS and some of you, LOL.) I know it has, no reason to deny it. Today’s BBQ was another wake up call. Time to get out of my hidey hole.
D 271
My country shuts down for July - it’s the most popular month for summer holiday. I will be taking a break from my therapy as my therapist is on holidays. It’s ok. I have an emergency contact if things escalate. I have friends. I have God. It’s definitely nice to allow myself some off time, although I still need to stay vigilant.
I’m visiting my folks and friends for a couple of weeks starting on Thu. It’ll be a long train ride. They always are.
Chorus:
I have circled around the Sun many times
Yet, there are still so many things to come
I can hardly appreciate it enough
As I’ve circled around the Sun many times,
and seen it all, the most important thing is
that you’re still here
That is enough
Monta kertaa oon kiertänyt auringon
Silti kaikki viel edessä on
En vielä osaakkaan siitä kiittää
Kun monta kertaa oon kiertänyt auringon
Kun kaiken oon nähnyt niin tärkeintä on,
Et oot siinä silloinkin
Se riittää
