Hi Liv,
Nice to see you. Anyways, before I returned to TS, I was lurking the site for quite a while. And when I read this post several months ago, I actually started practicing that with my own daughters.
They are 10 and 14. I definitely know that my 14 year old has some issues with depression and low self-worth. Maybe I can help her to feel a little better about herself.
So thank you.
And glad to see you back.
Wait Liv you were gone?
I didn’t know felt like I just talked to you a few minutes ago? 
Your presence here is important, especially to people in recovery, I know you dealt with a lot of my shit and still do
He he he he 
Good to see you back 
Hi guys my names kenzie i wanted to find a place to chat and help support me on my journey to being porn free. I never thought it would be so hard but i would like to not watch it anymore. I want it out of my life and my relationship with my partner. They dont much mind it but i know it could cause problems down the road. So hi im here and im looking forward to chatting with you all 
Thank you @Mno @Ravikamor @KevinesKay @DarrenUK @Dazercat @Fury @Milele
@Rosehip22 Welcome to the forum!
Posted this on public threads a few days ago.
Hi TS Fam,
I’ve been staying away from the forum for some time. It is difficult to be back and write this. I’m hurt by some things I’ve seen occuring regularly on the forum. I’ve addressed people privately but wanted to make a public post too.
There have been topless pics recently and discussion about the no-topless-pics guideline, once again. I’m a porn addict so seeing a topless pic of a man or a woman is very triggering. Needing to deal with bare skin in my daily life and then having to face that on a sobriety forum too is too much for me to cope with. Not only are such images triggering but they also are breaching my sexual boundaries, which takes my mind and body right back into the time when I was sexually abused and raped. Understandably, that causes terror, fear, helplessness, pain and anxiety in me still today.
With the abundance of social media outlets available, I do not understand why it upsets you that you can’t post your half naked pictures or other sexist content on a forum that also has recovering sex and porn addicts. Even if you don’t agree with the no-topless-pics guideline, would you please at least respect those addicts whom it was designed to protect? We take our sobriety as seriously as you take yours. You’re not only disregarding a guideline but the people behind it.
I won’t be able grasp alcoholism like alcoholics do, but I can still do my best to respect your recovery and not post pics of alcohol, for example. I’m perplexed why I can’t have the same in return. Instead, some people are posting and making fun of triggers that I still struggle with immensely. I find that hurtful, undermining and unsupportive.
Furthermore, I’ve experienced that there are double standards regarding nudity and substance abuse on the forum. Some addict groups enjoy the protection of clear and justifiable guidelines whilst challenging and disregarding the same guidelines for others. For example, a pic of alcohol gets flagged and removed without any fuss whereas flagging and removing a topless pic usually creates an uproar. Then PMO addicts like me get backlash from people not understanding how it is even possible to be triggered by it. I get told I should be able to tolerate nudity since it’s natural. Well, so is alcohol and but you still don’t need to see it here. It is really not fair and makes me feel like my addiction is of less importance. I’m not an equal with others and my words mean nothing. That is frustrating.
I have muted, ignored, scrolled past, tried not paying any attention and been on self suspension to cool off but I have reached my limit now. I no longer feel safe and welcome to this forum and that makes me really really sad. My country has no support groups for my doc so this place is basically all I have. I can’t control anyone else’s behaviour, only mine, so I’m seriously considering leaving this place to protect my sobriety. Ironic, isn’t it?
Disclaimer: I have no admonitions towards the moderators. Our co-operation on the matter has been very good and they are doing an outstanding job.
Hello Kevin,
thank you for your kind words. I do hope your daughters could take in the love and encouragement you have for them. I’m certain it will be a big deal for them in the long run.
I’ve been on sick leave and unemployed due to poor mental health for a few years now. As I’m recovering I’ll be going thru rehabilitation to return into working life for which I have no self confidence and I’m really scared if I have what it takes. I haven’t shared my feelings with my dad much but I told him about my fears and feelings of inadequacy a while ago. He simply said: “Yes you have what it takes.”
I’m 36, a grown woman, but that affirmation tilted my world. It has become a constant, something I can hold onto and will treasure till the end of my days.
Never underestimate your significance as a father, a man and a male figure.
Very eloquent words (nothing new from you) and a great job of explaining how we as sex/porn addicts feel. There are so many threads on here I don’t even bother to look at for fear of seeing something that will trigger me and I know that has kept me from becoming more connected with people on TS and has possibly (probably) slowed my own recovery somewhat.
@Olivia thank you for sharing this!
Thank you for your kind words.
I get what you’re saying. I keep muting threads and people. I think I’ve even lost friends here by setting my boundaries. It is fuck-this-shit when a place you thought was safe turns out not to be. You spend extra energy and time trying to bounce back and considering if the place is worth staying. I still haven’t decided but if I do stay, I will focus solely on my DOC fellows and people whose opinion I still care about.
Hi Olivia, sorry to hear about what you’ve experienced. It is deeply hurtful to be unseen in this way. You do not deserve that. No one does.
I support you and I believe you deserve a space where you can be your full, safe, sober self.
Thanks Matt, I really appreciate your words. Have you come across other internet forums that are more focused on sex addictions?
I haven’t really been looking. Neal posted some links last year to groups that could be helpful though, and I believe some have online options:
Hope that helps 
I sure hope you decide to stay Olivia. You’ve taught me so much and I’m forever grateful. But you have to do what’s best for you and that’s totally understandable. Thank you for being so vulnerable while educational. Much love to you sister. 
@Olivia if you find any, let me know - I really appreciate your input and insight, you’ve made a difference for me and I value your opinion
8 months
Last few weeks have been a full on learning curve on relationships and myself. Here are some things I’ve picked up.
Self care is vital and allowed when helping someone in a difficult/critical life situation.
Feeling of failing in a relationship is rooted all the way back to my childhood, when I was trying to help my parents in their marriage. (How fucked up is that, a kid trying to manage adult problems, no way that could end well…)
Reminded once again of the fact that I have 2 ears but only 1 mouth, LOL.
I’ve been thinking about friendship. How can you know if someone really is a friend? We all have those people with whom we can banter and share a good laugh. However, you don’t often come across people you can cry with. When you do, you never forget them even if they walked away.
There’s an old Finnish song about knowing a true friend. Attempted translation by me.
How to know a friend
If they’re what you truly need
Tough times will show
Who will stay by you
When you’re in hardship
And you need a helping hand
The cost of friendship will be weighed
Many will not stay
Let the sea show you…
Let the fell (artic mountain) tell you…
Who will stay by you
This is how you know a friend,
that they’re still with you
When good laughs are gone
When your buddies are done
Oh how i wish i could give you a hug (yes the one who doesn’t like hugs).
My dear friend
You have been a person who has taught me how to accept an issue that i just kept denying.
You have given me a friendship that i will cherish for years to come because in moments of feeling so lonely you were there a friend who would just listen and tell me it would be okay.
I can’t describe the prayers i have sent above to say a thank you for sending you my way!
