He is lucky you are going with even if you are not handling the fish…
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Olivia!!! Congratulations 
on your marriage!! I’m so happy for you!! Milele had filled me in a while ago and I just came back on ts…I’ve missed you all so much!!
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Hello dear! Thank you! My life is suddenly very different, mostly in a good way. Hubs is a good guy 
I’m so glad you’re back! We’ve missed you loads!
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When I joined back in Aug 2020, I couldn’t even fathom what 1000 days would be like. I’ve never gone so long without acting out (I think, I’ve never kept count) and it seemed beyond me.
Here I am. So how does 1000 days feel like? Honestly, I’m wondering how time went so fast 
It’s like I just started this journey yesterday. Dang. It is an accomplishment for sure but I don’t want to dwell in it. Today is just one day, like yesterday, tomorrow and all the days I still have. I need to make smart and right choices NOW.
Thank you tribe for listening, caring, reaching out and also calling me out on my bs 
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Congratulations on your 1,000, it adds up!! Happy for you Olivia!!! 
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Congratulations 
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Congratulations Olivia! Welcome to the comma club! 
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Congratulations @Olivia !
So Happy For You!
It’s nice to see you happy, just married and with the 1000 days! You just keep getting stronger and better!! Time does fly and I’m glad you’re living it!
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1,000 days is amazing. You are doing things not possible 1,001 days ago. Wonderful!
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Infatuation
Now there’s a word I’ve felt powerless against SO. MANY. TIMES. It’s quite a human feeling to have and yet, it can be amplified by one’s brokenness. I used to see myself as a serial crusher. As if my soul was just seeking ANYONE to latch herself on to. I loved the buzz, hated the disillusionment and was totally exhausted after I got rid off an infatuation. Ugh!! Till I got sucked in again. I didn’t know how to handle it so I kept feeding it and indulging in it, FFS!
Fast forward to today. I’m newly married and still riding a pink cloud (it’s really nice, like a holiday after working 2 decades straight LOL). There’s a guy at my work that I just saw a few days ago. He was working at a register opposite to me and I couldn’t get my eyes off of him. WHYYYYY??? Then I realised he looks a bit like my husband but younger. Ok, I can work with that but I could still feel the buzz building. When I got home I told Hubs, we talked and even had a light hearted joke. He wasn’t upset and I was able to nip my infatuation in the bud.
A lesson learnt.
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I love that you could talk openly to your husband about that!! What progress for you. I’m glad you found love and can feel the difference between love and infatuation.
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2y 11m 5d
I’ve noticed a shift that’s been going on for a good while. I don’t crave porn or masturbation ATM. I’m way too focused on other parts of my life and our life together. It helps having action in the bedroom too, of course 
Although my addiction is not a constant struggle, I don’t want to forget to protect myself. I still need to be mindful of what I watch and what I entertain in my thoughts. I want to stay curious regarding Hubby and our intimacy. There are still mindsets that weigh me down sometimes.
So grateful for my upcoming milestone.
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2 years 11 months 5 days free, that is so amazing. I can’t wait to say i have 1 year free let alone almost 3 years! What has been your mental process to get there? Any specific tools you use that help you?
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Thank you. I appreciate you asking.
My recovery is a combination of things, as it often is.
- sexual therapy
- peer support (this forum)
- telling some trusted friends about my addiction (I sensed clearly that’s what I needed to do).
- defining values; porn is a violation of human rights and I don’t want to support it.
- seeing what I actually crave when my mind steers me towards masturbation.
- teaching myself new coping mechanisms and establishing boundaries (not watching sex saturated films, e.g.)
- being brutally honest about my mental state, being vulnerable, open and honest. Addiction thrives in secrecy.
- personally I’ve benefited from the day counter. I’ve been on a verge of a relapse so many times and the counter has pulled me back. No fucking way I want to reset it LOL.
- being mindful daily. I don’t struggle as much as I did in the beginning but I still come and read every day.
Freedom is possible. I wish you all the best
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Thank you so much for posting this. It really let’s me know that picking myself up 1000 times, i’m finally on the right path. I’ve spelled out on other chats my process (pmo) chat, so i wont bore you with all of that. But something you said really struck me deep: Porn is a violation of human rights, and you wont support it. That needs to sit deep in my brain for recall forever. I love that. And it’s 1000% FACTS.
seeing what I actually crave: That’s another one. What am i actually craving??? Porn is a dopamine addiction, essentially i’ve been a drug addict most of my life (though i’ve never done an actual drug in my life). It’s why i can’t be on social media (other than this site), i can’t have internet on my phone. For me, it’s just too many wired circuits that if i’m at certain sites, in certain locations(bathrooms), and i do this over and over, it tells my brain, let’s get dopamine at the worst source and who cares what it is we just need it all and right now.
Today is day 49. This counter feels different than every counter i’ve ever had because the ‘systems’ are in place and i’m locked in. But i literally can’t act like it’s all good cause it’s not. Any day, i could just start acting like others, get on social media or youtube and all my work is reset. I just dont want to reset. I’ve been married 21 years, baptized 30 years, and i’ve been unfaithful most of these years. I’ve never cheated on my wife, i’ve never flirted with anyone not named my wife, it’s just this STUPID PROBLEM i’ve dealt with since i was 8/9 years old.
Addiction does thrive in secrecy, totally agree. I have 2 sponsors that i’m completely open with (other than this site).
Sorry this was a wrong reply, i just really appreciated your response.
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No worries. I welcome your dialogue.
It’s tricky with the internet and social media. I don’t have accounts on any platforms other than this but that’s mainly bc I spend way too much time browsing.
Physical reboot sometimes helps with cravings. Doing sweaty exercise, going for a swim (our waters are usually cool or cold), cycling crazy uphill… whatever works yano.
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Swimming is everything for me. I leave work everyday and head straight for the gym to swim. It really is a mental safeguard for me. Today is day 50, and i’ll treat myself to something delicious for lunch. Next celebration, day 75, then day 100. But one day at a time!
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Where you live it’s winter or less winter so swimming is not an option.
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Made me chuckle 
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Incorrect. Swimming is always an option if you can get warm as soon as you get out of the water 
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