I wrestled with this for a long time. I was brought up Protestant and there was a lot of talk about a loving God but when I wasn’t at church I was getting a lot of shame at home and school. This left me feeling like I deserved the shame and it was God’s will for me to feel that way.
Then I went to college. Somehow I got sucked into a hyper conservative campus ministry. I think I was seeking the loving God from my church, who knows. But the campus group was purely shame driven. And I was not considered “saved” when I first walked in the door. Among other things they taught that the only way to heaven was through Jesus and living a perfect pure life. Meanwhile, I was drowning myself in my addiction daily or multiple times a day just so I could function on a basic level. I knew I would be cast out of what was my only group of friends if they discovered the real me, I saw it happen to others. That experience in college permanently damaged my perception of who God/Jesus is.
Today I do believe in a higher power because I feel like I’ve seen signs of such a being in my life. Here are my spiritual beliefs in a nutshell:
Karma is a thing.
Omens are a thing.
If there is a God, it’s a loving one. Love wins every time, no matter what, and if it doesn’t I want nothing to do with that God.
Jesus isn’t the only path to heaven. Other religions are just as valid as Christianity (maybe moreso).
If I listen, and follow my omens, God will guide me on the path to sobriety.
I know that’s long, but thought it might be helpful for you to hear from someone who has also been struggling with spirituality.
Ah that makes sense to me now,
Karma is a thing,
Everything happens for a reason
Enternal life is in the memories of others and the legacy you leave behind.
So is this my higher power?
Now to the op: @Janine_King for what it’s worth it’s taken me about 4 years of trying, some serious medical problems, and watching a lot of friends die to get to the point I’m at now, I attend AA and working the steps has worked for me along with changing a lot of old habits, but it’s only started really helping this year when I finally got my head in the game, the first 3 years I didnt put in the work, i was just filling a seat basically. There are a myriad a options in terms of recovery and the only way to find out which one is for u is to investigate, whichever one seems to click home for u put your heart into it and chase your sobriety like it’s the most important in your life and remind yourself that those “slight things” that tip you over are just that…slight and none of them are worth relinquishing control of your life to any substance, ever! One thing that has helped me a lot in being able to let things go without feeling like I deserve a drink or a pill is meditation, I find myself stopping to analyze the consequences of acting on or holding onto anger and at the end of the day I sit down and get rid of it…Find whaf works for you and set your mind to it, and dont be too discouraged that the answer doesnt come all at once, like I said it’s taken me 4 years to find what does for me, just whatever you do dont give up!
Thank you l will take on board what you have said. I like going to the meetings only because l like meeting people that understand me as they have been there. Just fine the Book too much god in it. I am not religious at all but people say it’s not a religious program. I am not giving up just get so annoyed when l slip up. I have to learn the triggers and step away from them. I will keep on till l get it.
I get that, I was raised in church and dont attend anymore myself, just remember the big book was written in 1939, around the time Hitler was invading Poland lol. It was a different time, God and religion were a bigger part of peoples lives. No doubt the Christian God we understand was Bill W’s higher power, but he doesnt have to be yours, just replace God when u see it in the book with whatever higher power you’ve found or of u havent found yours that may be something u need to work on as well. Since I started I’ve been to meetings regularly in 3 different states and DC and while about half of them were held in church basements no one there has ever really tried to drop a God bomb on me. I completely get where you’re coming from though, it was a little dauning the first time I walked in a meeting and theres the word “God” written in the 4 of the 12 steps. I remember thinking “and hes referenced in another 2 of em so were 6 for 12 on on gettin right with jesus huh? Eeh, I dont think this is gonna be for me”. Just remember the first time u see the name God it says as we understood him right behind it.
You can stay sober today. Just today. Cherish today, do not discount it as not enough or only the start of a long dreary road. Today there is beauty to be found and joy to be celebrated. Today there is serenity in you to be revealed. And tomorrow will be today when it arrives!
Lol he works, definitely an awesome dude. Tom Hardy would be another good choice, he plays wildly different characters and u hardly ever see what he actually looks like so he kinda fits the bill of the mysterious omniscient being .
I’m a Jon Hamm fan myself
Lmao, hell yeah…then if u ever get in an argument with someone about which recovery program is “best” as tends to happen on here a lot u can say “well, all I know is my higher power can beat the shit outta yours”
Same. I used smart Recovery as well as a book called “sober for good” showed me a few alternatives to traditional routes and just generally opened my mind to finding my own way to sobriety.
I also started counting bouts sober days and drinking days. In the beginning this helped me keep things in perspective and allows me to have a clear visual reference of my progress by not only watching my sober days go up but my drinking days and time between drinking days go down.
If I did have a slip, I may start counting consecutive sober days from scratch but my over all sober time never disappears.
Not sure if I’m being clear but basically if I didn’t drink for 14 days but had a drink on day 15, and didn’t drink for another 15 days. I still didn’t drink for 29 days. That’s still super commendable, and important to keep in perspective. No one and nothing can go back in time and take those sober days away. You earned them you get to keep them, so make sure you are tracking them.
I went from not being able to go a full 7 days to now approaching 2 years of consecutive days. All because I stopped focusing on the resets and started focusing on the sober days.
Today i realize I could Laos at any time, but I also know that I’m far more likely to keep that slip brief because I didn’t “throw it all away” or “have to start over”. I’d just have to get back on the horse right away and try not to let one wasted day of sobriety turn into two etc.
Any idea how many days you have spent sober in the last year vs the year before?? I feel like that’s more important that the number of “resets” you have had.
Not sure if someone already mentioned this but there are a couple of good sobriety books out there that are really good, “Alcohol Lied to me” and “The Naked mind”. I’m not religious either, I just believe in the Bible.
That is a brilliant idea.l will do that and since l started last year l definitely have far more non drinking days as to to drinking. So l thinking that’s great!!!
I definitely have alot of sober days, more this year of course, I was a binge drinker, so I would excessively drink once or twice a week, but I would black out every time. I’m 91 days at the moment. SMART and my abstinent groups really help. I understand where you are coming from completely, sounds like you really are keeping yourself in check It’s good that you can share this with me, thank you
I was a binge drinker too. It’s true what they say you can never just have one. I have one thinking of the next then the next. Well I’m on 3 days with no drink!!
Best advice i was given, was you never have to take another drink if you dont want to. AA meetings are not all religious like everyone makes it out to be. Go in with an open mind and give it a shot. I think i will help.
.
.
