What’s up man? You’ve been pretty radio silent lately. Disinterested in what?
Sick… but in the normal bad bacteria way not the hungover from booze way so at least there is that. Always look for the 
️ side.
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Exhausted. Full moon is almost here. Soon I’ll sleep well again! 
Drained…
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Litte bit more quiet the past few days, but I was still on here reading, believe me …and still sober.
I was more or less in the midst of an anxious wormhole. Usually I can recognize and fend off the anxious thoughts and overthinking before they take hold, but I lost this round – for a time. My mind just had me poking holes in every aspect of my life, especially the good stuff. Self-sabotage is woven into my substance abuse and mental health issues, and it gets me going on discrediting everything in my life. Yesterday it was a mix of mentally picking apart my relationship, that we are closing on our house in less than a week, and a general sourness towards the monotony of adult life (wake up, work, gym, home, sleep, repeat). I struggle with that last one often, but I recognize it’s on me to “add spice to my regular life”, just don’t know how or where to begin. I frequently daydream about dropping everything and moving thousands of miles away, but that’s not feasible. Although I am grateful for everything I have and have worked for, I think part of this is that I see myself getting more and more tied down here and that kind of freaks me out.
I eventually came around late yesterday, able to reconcile the thoughts in my head as being truly baseless and carried on from there. I got over it, but I know those thoughts can creep back in at any time.
Thanks for asking, man. You truly are Captain Arizona. Hope you are trucking along, my friend
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We can all get in our heads, and definitely dream for more. I have a problem with never being satisfied, because just like booze, if some is good then more is better. I also often mull life over but I do my best to not get morose, or too far ahead of myself.
It’s good you recognize it, talk to your lady and share some insecurities with her. And of course us, we are here for you.
Truding is what we do, keep on it bud.
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Refreshed 🤸
Aww, that’s amazing!! What do you do there?
That’s amazing!! I have been told I should look into the hospice field, I never believed them until I cared for my grandfather as he passed in January. It’s truly a blessing to be able to be there when it matters most, you are just so fabulous!!!
Grateful.
Life has afforded me a lot of breaks and love, I’m happy I’m able to see all that has been bestowed upon me.
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Bummed.
My family’s been gone and I’ve been reveling in early bedtimes, naps and productivity. Last night I stayed up late and painted half three quarters of the laundry room. When I got home from work this afternoon I felt yucky in my tummy with a headache.
I have a rare sushi night out, but you have to stand in line in the sun for an hour in order to get a table. There’s no question if I can cancel because I can’t; just disappointed that I’m not on top of my game.
I want to finish the first coat of paint! I have 3 miles to run tonight! And a super treat dinner ahead of me! But I’m laying in bed hoping to feel better in the next 45 minutes. 
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Exhausted…transitioning back to nights has been rough. Especially because we have been so busy at work. Car shopping was also exhausting today…still didn’t find the one. Story of my life. 
I am also greatful for gainful employment, an attorney who’s helping me navigate my poor decision, and my brother and his sweet little family.
Okay is alright with me✌
Hopeful…
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Anxious. Uncertain. Worried. Trapped. Kind of lost.
Sorry that’s more than one word. Just one couldn’t sum it up. I won’t drink because of how I’m feeling, that’s a promise — drinking won’t give me answers, it would only make solutions more difficult to arrive at.
I just had to put it out there. I’ve really got no other place to say anything about it.
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Hang in there friend. Anything we can help with?
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Im not sure if talking about it here is OK because it doesn’t have much to do with my substance abuse issues. Hopefully its alright.
I mentioned to @CaptAZ a few days back that I was getting feelings of being trapped and “tied down”. These feelings have slooooowly been creeping in over the last month or two, originally as fleeting thoughts and are now coming to a head as we get closer to closing day on the house (Monday). As much as I hate to admit it, I’m starting to get big time cold feet about the house and about the relationship in general. I love her, truly, and I am excited about the house…but the uncertainties surrounding if this is the life I really want for myself keep persisting. It all feels so final. It’s getting worse, and it makes me really sad.
It sucks that I can’t even trust my own mind. Because of my anxiety, it’s really difficult for me to tell what are falsehoods and what is actual, valid thought worth taking note of. Am I just getting routine jitters that come with the territory, or are these bonafide, real gut feelings? Tough thing is, only I can answer that…and I am the person that I trust least.
Ugh. My spirit hurts. Thanks for the encouraging words.
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I had a feeling it had to do with this.
Try not to get ahead of yourself. Just like in our addictions, forever seems like a long time. Try to be happy in your present moment. Anxiety usually comes to me when I’m thinking too far ahead or about my past. I don’t live there today, that’s why it gives me anxiety. I can’t control it. What I can take charge of and hold on to is today. And today I choose to try to focus on the good and the positives instead of my fears and negative thoughts. If I let them take hold, I end up no where good so I do my best not to give them power. Just try to live your life today because tomorrow isn’t guaranteed and even after you sign on the house, if you later think you know what, this isn’t for me-you are never stuck. Everything changes. Houses can be sold. Relationships can be left. Don’t let your fears take away your joy today, you have a lot of great things going! Plant your feet on the ground and reflect on the great things you’ve got going for you and how hard you’ve worked to get here my dear. Hugs!!!
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Sober.
I don’t like that it MUST be 10 character!
I know I get the urge to burn down everything in my life except my dogs and be free. Whatever that means…
It seems that for me it is the uneasyness that comes with change and the inability to control it. For people that lived such chaotic lives with absolutely no control over even our own lives, we sure hate change when we can’t control it in sobriety!
You mentioned at one point I think that you were borderline ocpd. I think that can really play into it here as well.
If this was a good idea when you thought about it originally, and it seems like it was, take a deep breath and remember that this too will pass.
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