One year ago, I sat with a bottle of vodka in my hand and tried to figure out how to kill myself in a way that my two little boys would never know was intentional. In a moment of grace, I felt/heard a presence saying Just wait. I knew that I wasn’t supposed die that night - but that I couldn’t live if I kept going the way I was. I also knew in that moment that I couldn’t live without getting help.
I had found this forum a couple of days before. I finally got up the courage to say a guarded hello. A few days later, through another unexpected moment of grace, the husband of a friend took me to my first AA meeting. There - and here - I found a family who understands me more than my own ever did.
There have been days when checking in with y’all kept this isolated mama from taking a drink. There have been many times when support and love from my friends here and in AA has pulled me out of darkness. I have no words to express my gratitude to you all. By the grace of God, I hope to pick up my one year medallion tonight in my AA homegroup.
I will not lie and say that sobriety has brought immediate, constant happiness my way. I’m not sure I’m wired for that - but there are moments of wonder and peace now - and I believe life will continue to get better. What sobriety has done is give me back to my children. It has pulled me out of isolation. It has helped me to feel again - and to slowly learn to deal with all that entails. It has given me tools and knowledge to deal with life, not to try to escape it. It has shown me that genuine love, kindness, and connection to others is key to my staying sober. I now have a relationship with God - with whom I had broken up long ago. It has given me true, dear friends who accept and love me - broken parts and all. I am so thankful to you all and my friends in the rooms, for helping me with another chance to live. Y’all freakin’ blow me away on a daily basis.
Love you @MoCatt. Even if you may not feel this way, you are a great mother. A great mother sacrifices everything for her children. Yeah, you’re not perfect, but youve given your boys the mother they deserve.
Congratulations on your year and on every happiness you have, you so deserve it all. You are a truely inspiring and kind person who gives her all for her kids and gives so much back
I think it’s all about rewiring our expectations on EVERYTHING… Ourselves, others, life. Once we stop living in a world of what could be and start creating and loving the world that IS we will have more consistent PEACE.
I am so happy to have found you 3,000 miles away! I love you Holly…amazing work.
I still cannot tell you why it is worth it or how it all works, but I know as undeniable truths that it is worth it and that it works. For once in my life, that is enough.
Aww Holly!!! One year, isn’t it amazing how things work out!!! Soooo glad youre here, lighting the way for others. Your heart never ceases to amaze me and I am glad we’ve shared a part of this journey together! Love you Holly and congrats on your 1 year!! I’m ridiculously proud of you and just want you to know you have helped me by your words in here in more ways than you’ll ever know.
Remember when we all drunkenly sat on bar stools wishing that one day we’d magically be plucked off & placed in a position of power & importance??? Well who’d of ever guessed that meant sobriety?!
You will have numerous accomplishments throughout your life, Holly… but none will ever top this… really cool to be a part of your first year & thank you for being a part of mine. You’re beautiful baby!
Holly, I am so damn happy for you that you couldn’t even imagine!!! You are such a wonderful person, it shows through everything you post. I’m so excited and proud to celebrate this birthday with you young lady!!! Congrats to the first of many!!!
Holly,
The light the you bring to this place radiates like 1000 suns. Your presence here affects so many, so positively, and I for one, read your words like a road map for my own journey. Congratulations on your year of sobriety. The hard work that you put in day in and day out is so humbling and so inspiring & I’m extremely grateful to know you, friend.
Tom
