Opinions about my one year anniversary

Life in Recovery
1

Okay, so next Tuesday is my one year birthday (19th). A woman I work with decided that we should do dinner with everyone. Basically I chose the place (Longhorn… STEAK!) But she has been dictating the entire thing. Has to be on Tuesday, invited everyone from work (and they all drink regularly), has to be at 5pm. Here’s the thing… She is a selfish bitch who doesn’t listen to a word I say EVER about how things are going or what difficulties I go through. If SHE isn’t talking about HER there is NO conversation. I kinda dispise her. She used to be my best friend, then she dropped me because she couldn’t deal with my girlfriend (Who was also her best friend before we started dating), then decided she missed drinking Crown with me and talking about books so she forgave me… yeah, this doesn’t get any better. I wouldn’t have a damn thing to do with her if we didn’t work together. But she is DEMANDING that we do this dinner with all the alcoholics at work. I love my job, I love the people I work with, but once I walk out those doors I am done with them all. I have to be, otherwise I would still be drinking!

Tuesday is my Saturday, I’m off work. I don’t want to cater to this selfish woman and her stupid ideas of “what should happen,” especially on my day off. I need that space, it helps sustain my sobriety and mental health. I especially don’t want to spend ANY celebration of anything to do with MY sobriety with a bunch of people who would rather be drinking than being uncomfortable and not buzzed up. I don’t actually know how many people at work said they would go. Probably only 3 others. I do know that if I do want a dinner it would be on the Sunday after, lighter traffic and not a day off. Said woman doesn’t want to do it Sunday, mostly because it’s HER day off.

So I don’t even know why I’m stressing about this. I don’t want to do it and I’ve said so. Guess I just need some validation that this is a healthy sober selfishness and not an addict selfishness.

Ready… GO!

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Invite a bunch of sober friends and talk about your Higher Power the entire dinner. Also tell the waiter when you get there that no booze at your table lol

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There is a little Irish guy here who has helped more people than can be counted here over the years. He said, when I was drinking I was a fucking raging asshole, after getting sober and attending AA for a number of years, I became a fucking asshole. Now at the age (70ish) having done the steps numerous times with different sponsors, sponsored more guys than I can count, i am just an asshole. I am a Goat. Figure out where on that scale I am…lol.

Too many times we allow the unacceptable to become acceptable for a multitude of reasons. For me, fears stemming from when I was a kid, drive many of my behaviors today. If it were me, I would thank her for the effort and that you really appreciate her being in your corner and going out of her way for you, but you are not feeling this right now and the one thing this has taught you is that you have to listen more to what is going on inside you.

OR

You go b/c it takes you out of your comfort zone, knowing that we are in your pocket (need a get out of dinner card phone call?) and use it as a sober reference moving forward in life. There will alway be events we need to attend that we cannot avoid.

Just a Goat’s two tin cans worth of thoughts.

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Sorry, but she sounds like a cow!
She is using your milestone for attentuion, and as an excuse to throw an event and receive the praise.
You don’t have to negotiate the point, do it in the day that suits you, invite who you want, and don’t invite anyone that will test your sobriety.
You are not being unreasonable.
More importantly though, after all the work you have done, you don’t need to be worrying about trivial things or trivial people.

DramaLlama
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NO miss llama, we don’t care for your drama

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I wouldn’t go. Plain and simple! It’s great they want to support you but if it’s stressful and not what you want, so be it! Dude, YOU earned this day. You worked your ass off for this and it should be something YOU enjoy! Even if that means staying home, sitting on your ass all day on your day off. It’s about you. Now, you don’t have to be rude about it, you can thank them for their efforts and appreciate them celebrating with you but since you did this alone, maybe you’re more comfortable celebrating that way. Or maybe you want a celebration with your friends, not the people you work with. Your choice. But I do hope you do something special for it because you deserve the hell out of it!!! One year is AMAZING and you have overcome a ton, you are an inspiration!!!

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Oh shit. The drama llama is back. Drama llama is the sworn enemy of goats. @DowntroddenGoat prepare for battle.

BRING FORTH THE BANHAMMER!

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No one could have put this better! She is a cow and the most irritating person I work with. And dude, the drama is REAL! Haha, start a conversation about how I’m feeling really depressed and shaky with my mental health stuff and she cuts in with, “Look guys! I put press-ons on last night! It’s been like ten years since I had nails!” Not joking, this happened just the other day. Then she goes on and on about how she’s going to stop eating gluten in a few days and how hard her fiancee is working to drink gluten free beer… yup… You see where this is going…

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Here’s your validation: You know when your friends and family think it’s cute and funny to tell the waitstaff at a restaurant that it’s your birthday, just to see the look on your face when they come over singing that “Happy Happy Birthday Herpaderpaderpadoo” song, clanking plastic cups together, so everyone looks at the poor schmuck having to sit there while he or she is embarrassed on their day? I hate that song, and I feel for those people. I told (not asked, not requested, TOLD) my lovely wife, to never, ever do that to me, as I would never, ever do that to her. I told her that if she did, I would get up, and walk out of the restaurant, and would get myself home.

I guess she thought I was bluffing, and one year, she does this. I hear the “happy, happy brithday herpaderpadoo…” chorus start up. I am looking for the poor schmuck about to be surrounded by servers, banging their plastic cups together…and then I realize that they are targeting me. I look at my wife, and she has this big smile on her face. My in-laws are there, as well as a couple of friends. Time to put up, or shut up.

I just walked out of the restaurant, and kept on walking. My cell rang a couple times, and I got a couple of texts. “Are you coming back?” “Where RU?” “I’m so sorry”. “Tell me where you are, and I’ll come get you.” I walked to another restaurant, and enjoyed a nice dinner alone. I took my sweet-assed time walking home. I didn’t speak to her the rest of the night.

The next day, she said “look, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I was wrong. But, you embarrassed me”

I said. “No. You embarrassed me. Worse, you tested me. You put me in a position where I had only one choice. Don’t do that again.”

So, here’s my point: It’s your day. If someone wants to rule it and ruin it by not respecting you, don’t give an inch. Don’t compromise. These folks may be important in your life, but on this day, no retreat, no surrender.

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That is the best story I’ve ever heard.

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Only you my man! This is exactly how I feel about it. Just thought maybe I was being too stubborn. I’ve come to the conclusion that sometimes I need to seek advice when it comes to my stubbornness because I can make rash decisions and sometimes regret it. Haha, I should know better on this one because I’ve been anylizing it since she decided it.

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Wow :astonished: you couldn’t force me to go to that “celebration” if you tried. Maybe bring in a cake or something and celebrate at the office/place of business so that Co workers don’t feel left out-if that is a concern. Otherwise, I wouldn’t feel bad about letting this woman know the party isn’t going to happen.

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Agreed. I’d rather attend a knife-fight in a phone-booth than go to that party, as described. It’d be less painful.

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Seriously!.. Nice visual lol

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Some work in oils and watercolors. I pride myself in painting effective word-pictures.

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I’m guessing if you got in a knife fight it would end poorly for the other guy.

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If I got to pick my celebration for my one year I would be dragging people out to do volunteer work.

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It all depends. The winner in a knife-fight is the guy who bleeds out last. As a general rule, I avoid knife fights and phone booths.

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Fantastic idea! Really see who your friends are.

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I love you guys so much! Laughing my ass off over here. I really don’t give a shit if I do something for my anniversary. I’ve never been the type that celebrates things and I’m absolutely okay with that. I think I will see if my neighbor wants to get dinner.

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Sounds like a very enjoyable time.