I hear ya!
I used/use sex to feel loved, to feel in control when so much felt out of control, to feel powerful/strong, to feel desired, and when I just plain felt damn horny and wanted to get my rocks off. I used it throughout my life - both before and during marriage, and eventually it became a goal in and of itself. I broke the trust of those closest to me who loved me, ruined other peopleās marriages and almost destroyed my own, put my own health at risk and pretty much felt Iād lost all personal integrity as a result.
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I can relate to pretty much all of this.
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And yet, knowing all of this, and after long periods of sobriety and clean time, the dragon slumbers but never really leavesā¦
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Iām pretty sure my addiction came from an amalgamation of events. Not one in particular, but many poor choices. I think I was hyper-sexual as a kid. Experimentation and eventual viewing of porn hooked me. I didnāt begin compulsively viewing porn until I was about 22.
10 years laterā¦
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Thanks for sharing Anita. I am glad u opened up. Sex is really like a drug and i have been using porn to escape for last 10 yearsā¦
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I can relate to many cumulative poor choices over the years. I also began experimentation at a young age. Mainly it was to get away / out of the house. I remember my first time acting out - I felt a sense of peace and ānon-judgementā - like it was safer there than in the real world.
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My name is Norton and I am a sex addict. May 15th has been one year that I was told I was a sex addict. I have found fellowship here and at SAA meeting to help with my sobriety. I used sex and masterbation as my drug of choice to escape and self medicate. My recovery journey has been great but not easy. I know it is worth it for me and those around me. One day at a time. There is always hope and God has brought many miracles into my life this last year. Stay strong. Never be afraid to reach out in fellowship. We canāt fight this battle alone.
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Friend your words are really inspiring . I will surely gonna try this because itās not like I donāt have gf but even then I do so . This makes it even more worse and sometimes I stop watching porn for a week or so but when I relapse it becomes even more triggering and then I feel unable to control and masterbate more often ā¦but I really feel this way I can control it ā¦ Thanks dear I will surely try this
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Today is my Day 9 for No Fap and this I have achieved after years . So I am having some feelings that " 9 days is too much time as it is my first time of being Sober and in future I will do more and so should I do it now?" as before these 9 days I used to masturbate 2 to 3 times a day and there is such a sudden change for 9 days.
So I am asking if I should do now or continue my sobriety ?
Please help me as I am having high urgesā¦
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Ummā¦ sobriety is always the better choice. Relapsing only keeps you in the cycle. Sec addiction is not the kind of thing that allows you to wean yourself. You just have to fight to quit. Resist the urges, distract yourself. There are a ton of threads on here that tell about ways to distract.
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thank you so much ā¦ I would prefer to control rather than going back to zeroā¦
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I agree with @DungeonMaster on this. If you believe yourself to be an addict, at no point will it have been long enough and be time to relapse, never. To paraphrase some SA literature, recovery isnāt for those who seek to control and enjoy acting out.
I donāt want to turn you away, quite the contrary. Please, stay, and join with us as we seek to help ourselves and each other. But I encourage you to ask yourself why youāre trying to say sober and quit porn/masterbation. Explore what has driven you to act out, as others have discussed earlier in this thread. Many of us had experiences early in life that set us on a path of self destruction, seeking to fill some void with things that really only made the void bigger.
I spent a lot of time alone as a kid. I was an outcast all through high school. My parents werenāt inherently cruel, they were well intentioned, but also made me feel like I wasnāt good enough. They still make me feel that way sometimes, and Iām 31. In my effort to feel loved, desired, and accepted as I am, I used porn and masterbation daily as an escape. I eventually began pursuing random sexual encounters and finally an affair, trying to cure the loneliness. But it made me feel all the more isolated.
That is a much abbreviated version of my story. Stay strong friend.
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Thanks @MikeSeekingHope for your support .It helped me a lot to continue my sobriety otherwise I was so close to give up to it.
I have one question. Does setting up some target number of days helps?
Absolutely! On my sobriety counter, I have a goal for days, weeks, months, special events, birthdays, everything. That way sobriety is broken up into bite sized chunks. Saying to yourself, āIām going to go a year without usingā is a nice thought, but should be a long term goal, not a short term one.
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thanks @DungeonMaster ā¦
but today I couldnāt control anymore.
I was at home alone and I donāt know why I started searching porn thinking that I wont do it I would just watch.
But going on and onā¦ I reached the level I couldnāt control anymore and I did it after 9.5 days ā¦
I am feeling so disturbed now that why did I do itā¦
but I have not given up yet
I will start from zero again and learn from my mistakes.
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Hello all. I just joined the community and figured I would go ahead and seek help as I believe that I have an addiction to porn and masturbation. I donāt remember when it started but it was when I was younger and has been something that I have been struggling with for years, I am 31. I have been happily married for almost 5 years, June 29th, and I have the most amazing 9 month old son. I am currently in my crisis situation as I was recently arrested for public lewdness. With that came out all the lies from me to my wife and I could just see her heart shatter. Every day since has been hell and it just hurts so much. Every time I hold my son or look at my wife I ask myself why, why would I do something like this, why would I hurt them this much and I just canāt find an answer. Iām in pain right now and I canāt imagine my life with out my beautiful baby boy and amazing wife. I want to be committed to fighting this issue and saving my marriage, family, and son. But Iām not sure where to start and if Iām strong enough to make it happen. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
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Listen, i hear you saying that youāve never made it to 9.5 days before and that itās a āgood enoughā accomplishment, and that youāve gotten to the point where youāre āunableā to resist further. Thatās a load of BS. Itās your addict brain telling you that. You are not your addict brain. You can literally accomplish anything that you are willing to do. Even though compulsions are strong, every time you relapse is a choice. A conscious choice.
The time for reflection is at hand. Look at your relapse and learn from it. What did you do wrong? How did you get into the situation where you couldnāt go back? What were the triggers? How did you justify yourself?
One thing I know for certain is that you cannot appease the need. If youāre feeling triggered, you cannot vent the stress a little. Once you make a crack in a dam, itās extremely difficult to stop the flow of water without a team to solve the problem. You need a plan, and resources. You need to fill your life with good things. You need to be active in your recovery, not just floating until you encounter an undertow.
You read me?
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First off, good for you for admitting you have a serious problem. This isnāt something that goes away with a misdemeanor though. Itās something thatās buried deep in your mind.
Read the threads. Thereās a lot of advice on Sex Addiction. Listen to othersā counsel and follow their advice. Post on the forums, share with us your problems, help us with ours. Start exercising. Serve your wife and son. Stop being lazy.
None of this is a judgement or a condemnation. That being said, get ready to have thick skin, because whatever circumstances led you to this point, your fault or not, you have the problem and no one, except you will fix it.
Iām also married, 10 yrs this December. 5th boy on deck to join the family this July. I can understand your dilemma. Every time I had a child, I thought the same things as you. Recovery can not be for them though. This must be first and foremost for your own well being and then for others. If you donāt agree, thatās fine, but Iām right.
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