13 days sober.
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Thatās huge! Keep it up. A whole new sober life is ahead of you. As you get into bigger numbers, you become so much more confident in yourself and in life. You also tend to get complacent, so dont do that. Awesome job!
Thanks. I started working on my sobriety a long time ago, but became complacent. Iāve gone for a few months at most, but my average was probably 1-2 weeks between each relapse.
Iām taking it really seriously right now.
I have a checklist of things I do every day. Exercise, Personal Hygeine, Spiritual Study (Bible, Podcasts, etc), read in my 12-step manual, visit this forum, etc. I also have a āpersonal recovery manifestoā that I wrote & read every day, it has some of my favorite quotes/scriptures, list of my reasons for quitting, the consequences if i relapse, & a list of preventative measures if I get a craving.
I do my checklist first thing in the morning, no matter what. If I sleep in & am late for work, Iām ok to skip something like exercise/etc with hopes of getting to it later that day, but I absolutely wonāt skip the core of my addiction recovery no matter what.
I also have blockers on my devices, which I know how to work around if Iām serious about relapsing (Iām a computer programmer for work), but I have it setup so that my wife will automatically get notified if I work around it & so that itāll take me a few minutes to disable. I donāt think of this as a crutch or even as a part of recovery. For me, recovery is a spiritual thing. Iām trying to study about God so that he will heal me through Jesus Christ. I canāt stop my addiction through my own power, but I can trust in God & put forth my best efforts & let him change my character. The blocking software is there to prevent accidental relapse & to give me a few minutes to think about the consequences before I intentionally relapse, without it if I have a 1 second lack of judgement Iāll already be looking at something dirty that will get me āhighā & once Iām there itāll most likely be a full-blown hard-core 2-hour binge relapse because my mind will be triggered & there will be nothing to slow me down. Hopefully the software will slow me down enough so that after seeing 1 dirty picture & looking for more but finding most of it to be blocked, Iāll remember my recovery plan & stop relapsing.
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Nice work. Keep it up!
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Sounds like you got a good head on your shoulders. You should share more. You e got a lot of great things in there that others could benefit from!
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You are right friend. Addiction also try new ways to make us relapse again but we need to be stronger than the addiction to throw it out of my life.
I really want to leave this addiction as it has taken too much from me. I donāt want to give up. I will close all of the sources of porn and lust from my life. I will check in here regularly. I will go away from people who donāt want me to throw it as they were not stronger enough to leave it. I will not seek excuses to relapse as I did the last time as no time is enough to relapse if we really want to leave this addiction.
I will throw porn and lust out of my lifeā¦
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Do anyone know any Android Application to ban Porn/Adult Content on it ?
I used K9 in the past. There are plenty of internet filters. The problem is that they are just a hurdle that an addict would be bound and determined to surpass if the cravings were strong enough.
A filter would be wise, but retraining your body and brain is the ultimate goal.
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Here is one of them. It is just ruining my life and my spiritual balance. I donāt understand my brain. Sober for just One day for now.
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The phone app I use to block porn is called qustudio. Itās free. You create a parent account & then label your phone as a āchildā device. With the parent password you can setup what type of content to block. I chose to use my wifeās email with a random password that I didnāt write down. If I ever need to change the settings around then I can do a password reset to her email, change settings, & put a new random password on it.
With any software like this you can work around it if you try hard. Once you find a weakness you can exploit it over & over again & the software becomes useless. So, if I relapse then after I regain control of myself I adjust the settings to specifically block the app/website/etc that I relapsed with so that it wonāt be an easy relapse in the future. However, the goal is to change your character to where you no longer want to access porn. If youāre constantly trying to work around the filter then it wonāt be very useful. Itās really there to prevent accidents & slow you down if you have a temporary lapse in judgement. A blocker is a useful tool, but the only way to actually overcome addiction is by getting a 12-step book & working through it every day. It teaches you how to change who you are on the inside so the addiction loses control over you.
For computers k9 is a free porn blocker.
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Great as device there. Happy to see a community of us screwed up individuals working together to be less screwed up.
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Hello, Iām 17, African American and am a gay male and Iāve been watching porn since 13. I need help, I have a hard time admitting that but I know now. Porn addiction is really been taking me down lately and itās really affecting my mood and who I am as a person and my relationships the sad thing is the reason why Iām addicted to porn is because when I was younger I didnāt have very many friends and I was lonely. I got bullied a lot and then I just was really depressed. So when I first saw porn it was gentle stuff and it filled a void for having no friends. Though it got worse. Porn wasnāt enough I found apps like Kik and skype hoping to find friends when I found disgusting men who introduced me to sex. Before I knew what I was doing I was a slut. I didnāt know i t was even wrong and i thought they were my friends. Ive dealt with this from 6th grade to now and in eighth grade I attempted to kill myself because of everything. The online camming was so wrong. Sometimes men were nice, some mean, some cruel and horrible. I was called names, labeled horrible things because of my skin color. And i just let them attack me and use me, not knowing it was wrong till i was about 15. At that point, it was time for a healthy change so my family moved me to new school and i got away from kik and skype. Now I am at that school, I have friends, and no more depression or bullying. Except for porn which I am very addicted to and has become a bully and makes me feel sad. Itās now gotten to the point where I know my trigger. Whenever I feel a drop of loneliness or anger or hurt im back on. The truth is I want better but im so screwed up itās like even though I know things are SO GOOD my brain is stuck in middle school where kids bullied me for my color and my love of arts. I donāt know what to do. On top of that it just feels like everything is a trigger. everything I do reminds me of sex!?! If I watch tv one moment when a guy is kissing, and Iām once again wanting to masturbate. All the Pop music talks about sex and my friends talk about sex. Almost all tv shows talk about sex. Eating a freaking banana reminds me of sex! I just donāt know how to break this I just wanna cum and give up. When it comes to the bible I will definitely get into that, I have been listening to Joel Osteen and thatās been very helpful. Itās just some days I find myself so alone and just strip for some attention. I even almost one time invited older men to fuck me. He looked cute and he said the drove over and I almost gave address. Itās just this addiction has really made me loose my values, my grades, my family all I can think I itās sex sex sex sex even typing this makes me want sex
Yes, hereās a bit of my story:
I went to an Alcohol and Drug addiction therapy group months ago - when I mentioned what I was addicted to, some of the women there laughed at me. I have since left that therapy group and have a support group with 2 of my cousins who struggle with the same addiction. It is helping more than the therapy group!
It is sad that those who struggle with addiction to pornography seldom get help or get out of it.
Firstly they are filled with shame about this secret addiction. Secondly - society thinks itās normal!
Science has proven that pornography addiction It is more addictive than cocaine! This is why so many who get out of drugs fail to get out of porn!
Are there any others out there with this addiction? Maybe we can be more open about it and support each other!
Firstly I believe that there is no way out of this addiction without Jesus Christ and having a relationship to God - think whatever you will. You have your personal democratic freedom to believe what you believe, I am entitled to my beliefs as well!! As a Christian who has an addiction to this I know it is only a matter of time until I become completely clean from this addiction! I began this addiction at the age of 12 years old when a friend at school who I wish I had never met told me about masturbation. That afternoon I tried it and that was it! The porn problem came with the start of dial-up-internet when I was about 15 years old.
As graphic designer I am extremely stimulated by novelty and visually, so the female form - being one of the most attractive and artistic of Gods creations was needless to say an issue for me. Women are not bad! God is not bad for creating them! The internet is not bad! It is the MISUSE and ABUSE of everything beautiful that is highly sinful! Masturbation and Porn are a total misuse of Gods gift of sex and more people should see this misuse as intensely destructive and highly addictive. Those who struggle with this sin only know of the pain, self-hate and helplessness they feel while addicted to it. It also causes people to lose focus in life and in their careers! Having ADD myself, a binge session the night before work only turns me into a highly unproductive person at work the following day!
I am determined to stop with this evil habit and break my addiction to it through the power of the holy spirit, Jesus Christ and consciously making wise decisions and doing what Gods word says - (to FLEE these things) and pursue hope, faith and love. Porn is the TOTAL opposite of love and women are being abused and trafficked through this dreadful, horrific plague on the internet! I hate it and so should you!
Please, may I ask that all of you who have an interest in me getting free - pray for me! I sincerely want to get out of it and go the rest of my life without it! Also - all pornographers are in huge trouble with the Lord!
But God is willing to help all those who sincerely want to stop sinning and serve Him!
Adulterers and adulteresses God will judge!
I donāt know if I mentioned, but I was rejected a lot in my life, my father passed away when I was 7 and I turned to P & M to numb the pain and escape the world.
I am currently on day zero. Gave in to self gratification and fantasy last night. I am not going to give up! I started an SA group with my cousin in my area, at the moment itās only 2 of us. I am reading through the SA white book. I want to get rid of all my shame, resentment and hurt and become a blessing to other people.
May God help me! & U.
iwillwin
I will pray for you. I suffer from the same problem as well. You can do this. Iām at 42 days. If you only knew, youād know it as a testament that anyone can break free. I was a daily, compulsive user. Could not stop. When I didnāt have access to it, it was fantasy and masturbation.
I feel a change this time though. Somethingās different.
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Hey man, glad youāre getting support and doing some white book work with your cousin. I can definitely relate to your troubles with rejection, it actually came up with my therapist last night. She had observed that I struggle to take compliments and I often downplay my successes. She thinks this is because I lacked positive feedback growing up, sheās not wrong. And my use of lust was my way of trying to find self worth and control. Idk, Iāve got a lot to learn and a long path of self discovery ahead of me. The more you learn the less you know I suppose.
If I could make a suggestion, be careful with casting judgement in your posts. By all means, believe what you believe, and share what works for you, but be careful when you start posting things about who God will choose to help or judge. As someone who has been an adulterer, I am trying to repair my relationship with my higher power and itās really hard because most days I do think I am going to hell. And if Iām not I usually feel like I deserve to. My therapist, my sponsor, and my fellows at SA are helping me unpack this and try to learn to accept love from a higher power, but the challenge is real. So, when I read something like your post, it cuts deep.
Take care, keep working on your program, thereās hope.
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Awesome advice, Mike. @iwillwin Nicholas, Iām going to have to agree with Mike on this one. Saying that someone is going to burn doesnāt help you in your recovery. For me, beginning recovery actually has shed a lot of light on the dark world of the pornography industry. Many of the actresses were manipulated into the industry and can not escape. Many are actually trafficked in. Even those who seem to enjoy the life and āact wellā show high levels of depression, suicidal behavior and are very emotionally/psychologically damaged.
For that matter, we canāt judge the pornographers themselves, because we have no idea what happened to them in their lives that pushed them into upholding the industry. Perhaps they themselves were sexually abused or they had some trauma from their parents infidelity.
Ultimately, we are all broken people. God did not send us to earth to live perfect lives. That is why in the garden of eden He allowed Adam and Eve to choose mortality and gave them the opportunity to return to His presence through the sacrifice of His perfect son, Jesus Christ.
Any Christian can appreciate that we all deserve damnation. How glorious it is that we are able to change and become better. Letās hope for that change in everyone, even those unfortunate souls who led us to the addiction we suffer from.
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Good evening @DungeonMaster
It made me happy to hear that you are on 42 days strike. I need some advices, is there any way to block adult contents maximally on my device? I do not use computer for two years. But Iām using an android phone.
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I know some of the other guys on here have used other apps to block content. @MikeSeekingHope @TheTwilightRunner
Iāve used k9 in the past. It was helpful, but all blockers are a temporary setback. There needs to be a more permanent solution ultimately. The blockers will help while you sort things out, but the only defense that you have in the end is self-control. That takes time, discipline and a concerted effort to be constantly aware that you are an addict.
I donāt use blockers anymore. I have what you could call free reign on unlimited access to porn. I just choose to not partake though. It has not been the case in the past. Self control has not always been part of me. You will break free though, with practice and dedication.
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I havenāt used a blocker in at least 7 years. Iām sure the technology has come a long way. Blockers never worked for me back then. The only thing thatās worked for me is self examination and getting in touch with another living person.
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Self control is first as you said, but my goal is at least to cope with the first seven days. Because I lose the control and encounter with intense cravings in those days. Thank you