Well, I’d look into something like k9. One barrier may be enough to keep your sobriety. I had a good 9 months of sobriety back surrounding the time that I got married. Then I fell back in for another 9 months of constant relapses on an almost daily basis. Then I finally confessed to my wife and started going to a 12 Step Program focused specifically on Pornography Addiction. I had another 6 months of sobriety. Then it became a struggle of lasting a week or two at a time. That went for years. Then it became every 2-3 weeks. Over the past two years it’s been every month to month and a half.
This time it’s different. I’m more serious about my sobriety. I’m not just trying to ignore it, hoping I won’t get cravings. I have admitted fully that I’m an addict and that I cannot be like other people that dont have this addiction. I must always be aware that I could slip if I indulge even a little bit.
you say you don’t ignore your addiction. For me, That is the main point to think over. Well, it is nice that you are making progress by accepting you are an addict and just cannot behave as the others who are not addicted to this. It is intructive and pathfinder As far as I made out. Hope you never get a intense overwhelming craving again. I am starting over.
I am a member of nofap Turkey, I gathered so many ways from there that I have never tried before. Still defeated. it seems that It is the time about taking some realistic actions for me. You are right about that. Need to think deeply about this
Yeah, recovery needs to be at the forefront of your mind. Make a battle plan. How do you combat an enemy that you cannot see but is around you at all times?
I think it is a bit personal but most of it requires sacrifice and has the same route in common. In fact, mostly I think I can better my fight against this evil by grasping my religion well. But you know feeling and also being dirty is a barrier for me to worship and also in my religion’s rules. I know that actions speak more than words but it is challenging. You say that we do not see the enemy for me the enemy is first the addiction and second shaytan which means evil in english. I know that I need to draw my path according to my lifestyle or I need to review my lifestyle, surroundings. By saying surroundings I mean my friends first. Our culture is deteriorating recently and their subjects is always sexual cases. I hate this, this is why I decided to continue my education in a different country. Because I am more sensible than them. They are jusy having conversation but their brain is not stimulated more than mine you know. I am 20, so there is a long way to go. I dont remember who said this, " you cannot ask a fish how the water is, because it has never lived out of the water’’ So I have to stay sober Until I get out of the water to take a look at my present circumstance and to see how bad it is.
I think you know generally how bad your situation is, and understand the consequences of sin. In response to my prior question, the first step in battling an invisible enemy is by learning its patterns in how it affects things around you. Know your enemy. If you can predict how your addiction is going to affect you, you can build fortifications around yourself.
I know you’re Christian, so you’ll understand this pretty well. I read the bible regularly, but being LDS, I also study the Book of Mormon. In the Book of Mormon there is a large section dedicated towards wars between two nations. One nation followed the Law of Moses and revered the God of Jacob, the other were a bunch of wild people that enjoyed murder, plunder, theft and gluttony. The wicked people were always trying to put the righteous people In bondage. A lot of the responses of the righteous armies to the tactics of the enemy were very telling of how we can battle spiritual and temporal battles in our own lives.
There are a lot of great historical lessons in there. Let me know if you’re ever interested and I can direct you to where you can read them for yourself.
That is a good lesson to grab something from. In fact,I am a muslim but I know the parable that you write above. Knowing facts is actually significant but the matter is how we apply them to our lives. I read the translation of Qur’an in Turkish language. And I know reading arabic, too. So there are many of this parables. I decided to make a plan just for a week as if my life is all about this week. And then i will make a wide plan that including all my lifetime. Because my strike is mostly ending in one week… It can make sense… i will give it a try.
Awesome. Glad we understand each other from a spiritual level as well. Knowledge is power. As you work against addiction, that knowledge becomes wisdom. Recognize the addiction when it presents itself in all its forms.
Another thing, avoid triggers. From now on, you cannot look at mundane things that even remotely have sexual connotation to them. Pictures of women in tight clothing. Not a problem for most, for you a blood written consent for the addiction to walk in your front door.
K9 is good, but only works on computer. Qustodio works on phones. OpenDNS can block it on the router.
Blockers are easy to work around if you’re determined to relapse, but I still think they’re valuable.
100% agree with the others that real change requires changing who you are inside by focusing on spirituality. However, when you can’t achieve 5 minutes of sobriety it’s hard to force yourself to focus on spirituality. I know when I relapse my brain is completely messed up for a few days. I think blockers are helpful to get you the first few days of sobriety so you can start thinking normally again. Also, they help prevent accidents. If you still can’t get a few days sobriety, give all of your devices Tina friend for a few days until you’ve got your brain adjusted & you’re 100% committed to focusing on sobriety every day.
Getting on this message board is a good first step to recovering from this addiction. Come back every day & read posts & respond.
I agree with you that there are triggers everywhere, which makes this addiction hard to overcome. Many of the triggers can be avoided. Your main focus should be on changing yourself. As you gain sobriety & get rid of lustful thoughts you will notice that many of these triggers won’t affect you anymore.
One suggestion is to be a little less graphic in your descriptions of relapse/acting out. You don’t want to trigger anyone else that reads your posts
I’d also recommend getting a 12-step book & reading in it every day. It’ll teach you the steps necessary to recover.
I’ve also found it helpful to attend 12-step meetings. It’s sounds scary, but it’s not at all. You can choose to just listen if you don’t want to talk. I find it helpful to hear from other people who have my addiction but who have been sober for awhile. It helps me know that it’s possible for me to change. I’m not sure the best way to find one in your area, but you can probably Google it.
Here’s 2 free resources. They’re from the LDS/Mormon religion, but are mostly non-denominational Christian based.
12-step book download
12-step meetings (in-person or over the phone)
Does anyone else have links to free 12-step books or meetings?
Hey man, I don’t judge anyone here, that’s up to my higher power.
I just want to first - get help for myself and second, encourage everyone who is down. But working with myself and my own problem to become free myself is my main concern, then I can better help/encourage others.
I am sorry for anyone who feels judged by my last message, that was not the intention.
I had my second SA meeting this week, just my cousin and I. It was so good to read through the SA white book (Thanks Mike!) I am going to make freedom from this addiction my number 1 focus in my life. That means anything that can keep me sober!
Tonight I will focus on not masturbating. I will do this by keeping my hands above the blankets and also not fantasizing about women / porn. I will pray for myself and also pray for you guys here. Please pray for me too. Last night I was sick and relapsed. I realise that when I am sick, that’s a good time to call a friend/sponsor and give them my laptop/phone. I have to pre-prepare myself for when the temptation hits and flee the temptation. I have never heard it said that we are to ‘fight’ lust in a way that a macho man would or the way we would fight a physical enemy. The only way I can beat this is to surrender it to God and flee areas where I am heavily (or lightly even) tempted!
So here’s to day one of sobriety! I hope to check in with you guys soon! Do whatever it takes today to stay sober.
I’m sure you are all tired of my many words and not much sobriety - let’s hear a bit of wisdom from you guys who have been sober for a few more days.
Cgty04, you got this! You can beat this thing! I am one day sober today. I relapsed last night, but tonight is the night of victory! Keep up the sobriety and stay humble, together we can beat this thing. Praying for you man!
Thanks Mike, that SA white book has made a world of difference to me! My cuz and I met again and read through the first section. What stands out is to work the steps and keep working them, to make time for it! We made loads of time for acting out / doing porn / whatever. Now it will take commitment to get out of it as well. I am determined to know the 12 steps off by heart and to practice them. I am so amped to beat this thing!
I am on step 1 - I admit that I am powerless over lust.
I am willing to do all I can to break with this miserable lifestyle and become joyous and free!
Dude, you have come to the right place! Glad you are here! I’m 32. Not married, struggle every day with this stuff you mentioned. Determined to kick it! I’m just going to keep on this group and get all the help I can from other members while encouraging wherever I can.
I wish you the best of success!
I posted some videos here on this page, maybe you’ll find one that’s encouraging! Feel free to check out the chat and contribute wherever you can:
All the posts on Sober Talk regarding the topic can help.
