Ok…I’m not saying i don’t know better. However…i heard from my friend. He is a total mess. Left detox this morning and is completely trashed already and has no where to go and is begging me for help. Telling me he is in pain and thats why he’s drinking and hes going to end up in a shelter and please help him. And i feel like DOGSHIT.
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You have to step away. It may be the most painful thing you ever have to do, but it’s a negative relationship and will only bring you down.
My opinion.
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I would have to agree… if you go down a hole with him, then it will be two of you in that situation.
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I have to agree with @anon12657779. This is not on you. The best thing would be to work on your own recovery, that you can each find your own footing again. We can’t give what we don’t have and that’s extra true in recovery.
There are those there to help him should he seek it, and it sounds like he is, here and there.
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He chose to leave a place that WILL HELP HIM. You’re not obligated to be his savior. Tell him to go back.
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Step away and do you.
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I know i shouldn’t get involved…but i feel so bad. Isn’t there some way i can help him without getting caught up in the tailspin?
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This is excruciatingly painful. I have never felt so helpless in my whole life. I can’t believe he left detox and immediately started drinking again. He sounded awful. And he needs surgery on his leg and its just getting worse.
Nothing personal n all he may be your pal but he’s toxic to your mental and physical health keep people like that at a long distance if you truly want to better yourself.they will eventually drag to right down to that black hole with themay not be at first but it always comes misery loves company and you may not be miserable at first but kick it with folk like that long enough and you’ll surely be miserable with them…tell me different cause I’m 39 and myself and others ik or have met have been there and are thinking what your thinking and eventually your doing the same thing you were trying to get away from…only this time your worse there’s a verse I can attest to how real and true this is
Matthew 12:43-45 (KJV) When the unclean spirit is gone out of a man, he walketh through dry places, seeking rest, and findeth none.
Then he saith, I will return into my house from whence I came out; and when he is come, he findeth it empty, swept, and garnished.
Then goeth he, and taketh with himself seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter in and dwell there: and the last state of that man is worse than the first. Even so shall it be also unto this wicked generation.
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Don’t get involved. I know it sounds mean and selfish. But do not get involved. Concentrate on your self… You need to cut your self off from any and all users and drinkers this early in your sobriety.
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Also, Kellie, read your posts about that whole relapse and how he was acting towards you. I know you’re heart is in the right place but in the long run he needs to do it himself.
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Speaking from a ton of experience with this… let him find help within himself and from others.
Speaking from experience, no
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Message me directly if you need support staying away from him until you’re able to see things more clearly. Thinking with your feelings and emotions right now will get you in trouble (in my opinion and in my experience lol sorry I just can’t help repeating this for some reason)
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I dont understand why i feel so compelled to try and help. And now he is MIA again so im sure he’s either in jail or has broken some other limb or worse. This shit is hard. I’m new to all this. I just feel like i should do SOMETHING…and all i can seem to do is nothing. Idk just feeling very lost.
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This app is pretty much my sole means of support so i definitely take any and all suggestions to heart. I do know that i need to stay away…far far away. I just don’t want him to die and everything is telling me thats where this is headed.
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You can only help your self sweetie. He will figure it out. … We all figure it out one way or another. If he doesn’t, that’s his life and he needs to live it with experience to learn for him self… If any one helped me along my journey, I would still be using… He will be OK, just focus on your self 
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I think not helping him or allowing him into your life again while he’s choosing to use, is not only what’s best for you, but also him. I’m putting myself in his shoes. If I were him and what I had already been through hadn’t convinced me to get my shit together…then crying drunk to my sober good friend for attention and a place to stay (while I know she is working on her sobriety and bettering her life) …to only be sadly declined because I’M using…would really be a wake up call for me. It would really make me take a long hard look at myself and my choices. He knows you care about him. He has to get to a point to make the same choices you’re making for yourself, all on his own. You not letting him stay with you is the right choice for both of you.
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You feel so compelled to help because you are being codependent. Codependency is the addiction to saving others - it’s an emotional roller coaster ride; it’s the thrill and escape of the emotional intensity - and like all addictions, it’s hollow and leaves you spent.
Reach out to Lionfish for support; keep checking in here. Find something else to do: golf, cook, walk to the park, watch movies.
If you want to read something, check out the book Codependent No More. I think you’ll find it an eye opening read 
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Because you care. If you don’t help yourself first then how can you possibly help your friend. We can only love others as we love ourselves. If I remember correctly you tried to help and ended up starting over yourself. It’s okay to feel compassion for our friends who haven’t found recovery. It’s okay to feel bad. It’s human and learning to deal with difficult emotions in a new way is part of the process. Advise your friend to go back. It’s the best thing for both of you. If your friend chooses not to do that then you offered the best help you had available.
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