So I have progressed back into using basically every weekend. I am a pretty lost soul which is so shameful because I have found periods of sobriety in the past and was so blessed to have found a very deep connection to a higher power. I was already seeing the promises coming to fruition. I was present for my amazing son and finally was behaving in alignment with my values. When I relapsed that all vanished and I can’t understand how I could be so selfish and insane to ever pick up and use again. I was shown how great my life could be, and then I turned and walked right back into this sad pathetic existence of mental illness embarrassment shame and despair. I don’t want to let my loved ones down anymore. More importantly I don’t want to let myself down any more but every time I hardly make an effort and I wind up back where I am now. I’m going to try going to a meeting a day. And I hope I find someone to sponsor me and take me through the steps. But who am I kidding, I’ve said this so many times before… checking myself back into treatment for 30 days won’t guarantee that I stay sober but it would give me a chance to get around the clock support, and give my brain a chance . 30 days of abstinence won’t hurt and hopefully by then I will have found again my higher power and will be able to choose not to use because I don’t have a choice right now. I am absolutely powerless and cannot make the decision to not use. The obsession and cravings have me beaten and I can’t trust myself or my thoughts . Help me please
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A meeting a day sounds like a good start!
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Hi 
If you feel that this is what is going to help you, don’t delay. Don’t let things get worse to then make this decision.
Maybe going to meetings and getting a sponsor and just getting back on track will be enough, maybe if you feel in your heart you need those 30 days with extra support and you can access it then make the decision 
There’s lots of support here for you, and I’m glad you reached out to us.
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I highly recommend listening to audio books . Start with “this naked life “ by Annie Grace . It changes your whole perspective on alcohol. It helped me so much . I haven’t drank since I read it .
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