Welcome to the fire! 
We invite all to join the fight.
A little about me, I struggled with porn addiction for about 20 years. It came and went, but over the past several years it got really bad. Sometimes I could go a few weeks, maybe a month, but most of the time I could barely make it a few days without relapsing. Meanwhile it slowly ate away at my soul until I was stressed, depressed, and hopeless. My faith was shattered, my wife was afraid of me, and I knew that if I didn’t clean up my act I would spend the rest of my life in hell.
So, I went to an intensive men’s group therapy for ten weeks where I learned the skills I needed to overcome porn addiction. It was hard - I had many personal demons to face, but I found my way back to the light.
Now, I’m angry. Angry that the darkness that took 30 years of my life. I had been addicted to porn at 15, but I’d been abused by a babysitter at 3 years old. Now I want revenge on the dark. I’m lighting a fire for all those struggling to find their way out.
So come, sit by our fire. Others have joined and continue to give advice and share their own experiences. I love and appreciate every one of my brothers in arms.
Again, welcome
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I understand that mindset for sure. I justified it a lot.
“I deserve this after today…”
“My wife does it, so why should I try?”
“I’m not a horrible guy, if this is the only thing I’m doing, then where’s the harm?”
“My son can’t see my phone right now… I can look for a few minutes…”
“My wife is sleeping downstairs on the couch. I’ve got nothing to lose…”
“I feel so dead inside…”
“If people knew what I was doing, they would cast me out.”
“Did I really just watch THAT? I must be some piece of work.”
“Why can’t I stop? Please… please make it stop.”
If the pain of the addiction hasn’t hit him yet, it will.
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Welcome to freedom. All porn promises is a lie and all the reasons for using are illusions - it doesn’t comfort, there is no intimacy, it doesn’t de stress…the list goes on…it leads to a life time of brokenness, stress and hurt. Take it from me.
I’m here like you to stop for good…its a void and like drinking bleach. It provides nothing and by stopping I’m sacrificing nothing…just gaining a wonderful freedom which I haven’t felt since before I started in the first place.
Hope you read easy peasy and we can help you. It’s been a real help for me posting frequently on this group!
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73 days free today. Everyday is a step forward!
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Still hanging in here. Difficult start to my day as aware of background fantasy and felt myself losing clarity. So easy early on after stopping PMO to feel your resolve weaken. Head knowledge starts to get hazy and the little monster together with brainwashing from the old days starts to tell me it’s OK, it’s natural to enjoy the beauty of women and surf the Internet. Yet I know this is a great trick. The head must rule the heart in this battle. How do you guys practice self meditation- this must surley be where the battle is ultimately won??
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For me, I choose to focus my thoughts on two things: first, it’s ok to notice a woman’s beauty. It’s natural, it’s healthy, it’s built into our DNA. Denying the beauty of a woman is like saying the sun doesn’t shine at noon.
Second, it’s ok to feel sexually attracted TO YOUR SPOUSE OR PARTNER. If you’re sexually active, be loyal in heart, body, and mind. This is also healthy. Having a healthy sex drive in the relationship is good!
The danger is when you let yourself have sexual feelings with someone outside the relationship, whether through social media, porn, or when you’re out and about. When you begin fantasizing about someone else, you’ve already begun down the slippery slope. So for me, I don’t cross that mental line anymore. I’ll fantasize about my wife, I’ll be sexually playful with my wife, I’ll even tell a dirty joke just to see her blush, but I NEVER fantasize about another women. I recognize beauty for what it is, and leave it. I don’t ever let myself have sexual thoughts about another woman.
Now, if you’re single, obviously things are a bit different. You don’t have any way to outlet sexual feelings. For that I say practice the art of transmutation of sexual energy. In 1933, Napoleon Hill wrote the book: Think and Grow Rich. Chapter 11 talks about using sexual tension to inspire you and drive you towards success. It heightens the senses, sharpens the mind, gives energy to the limbs, and gives you ideas you otherwise would never have. Use the energy for good, don’t waste it on the screen or fantasy.
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Thanks. I’ll work on these things. Over the years I’ve tried to recognise the beauty in women but tell myself to not take from her beauty for my own instant gratification. I try to respect her. I guess it needs to be the same with porn - still women, still beauty but they need respect which means not watching them in porn. Its easy to create two standards of morality…one for the ‘real’ world and one for my private harem or ‘fantasy’ world. I need to work on de constructing this illusion/lie!!
Thanks for the support!
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Thank you for the last part. Im single at the moment and didn’t really know what to do. I I’m doing meditation and feel it coming and going. And to canalize that energy seems interesting I’m going to look in to that. 
Pathtofredom I use Sam Harris waking up app it’s really good. And for the women and beauty you should read the alabaster girl by zan perrion.
Day 6 here. Have had some pangs and cravings yesterday and today - you know, the one more peek feeling. I realise its the little monster wanting fed in any way possible. Am determined to not yield as its the path straightback to the very thing I’m escaping. It’s normal this early on to have triggers as I’ve been on autopilot for so many years. I just need to recognise them and sweep them out of my way. No time for such rubbish anymore.
Also, have been dismantling the brain washing- beauty does not mean I think about sexual encounters. Respect a woman’s beauty and leave it there! My wife is my standard of attractiveness. Don’t seek it in some online empty harem of images!
Hope this groups days going well!
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You have the self talk down, you know it’s trash, it’s just controlling the ‘autopilot’. Does the autopilot come in the same places? Wife not home or your bored? For me it was all of the above. Its funny how Easy Peasy Method just exposed all of it for me. I posted that cycle on this chat, and i just remember coming across it in the book and just staring at it. I kept saying, “This has been my life for 20 years!” I’ve put myself in this cycle time and time again. That’s insane. I knew at that point, it was done.
That daily Self Talk kills the brainwashing. Keeps you out of the cycle. Also kills the ‘autopilot’ which in itself is brainwashing. Before you even start on that path, you have to see the very act of ‘autopilot’ as Getting that glass down, and pouring bleach. You haven’t drunk any yet, but you will, use THIS TO SNAP OUT OF IT. You get Nothing from just being controlled by your impulses, I would tell myself, “No SIR! WAKE UP BRO, I SEE WHAT YOUR DOING. I’M FREE, I’M NOT DRINKING BLEACH, NOT NOW, NEVER AGAIN”. And Just like that, Autopilot deactivated and i’m me again. Stand up(literally) and take a walk, repeating this, just to continue to break that line of thinking. Like i’ve said, you are far from alone bro. This process has killed all cravings/withdrawals for me. Cause i’m not craving bleach, i’ve exposed it for what it truly is: Worse than Garbage, something that is trying to kill me and ruin my life. So i threw it away, and manage my thinking to make sure i keep it there forever.
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Agree with everything you just posted!
The autopilot triggers are endless and very cunning. We’re really focusing on our subconscious- a flash image or memory, words, alook from a woman, contact/touch, scent, HALT and tiredness (mental or physical) right through to blatant imagery. Easy peasy also talks about everyone’s ‘internal narrative’ which I guess means there’s a lot more and its down to each person’s brainwashing over the years.
You’re doing great - feels like you’ve broken through these early stages. The little monster and brainwashing have long tentacles! Another thing I’m reminded of is every time someone plays with the fire of PMO (even seemingly innocent but you know its fire) they undermine their own mission to stopping and lose confidence, weakening the defences. That’s been me for a long time. I’m guilty of the binge/purge cycle so many times. This time it’s a full stop. No more trash, only the purest freedom!!
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Day 7 today. Feel some of the cravings and lure fading. Still wouldn’t trust myself. My biggest struggle is first thing in the morning. I’m not a morning person so takes me a while to get a clear head and it’s during that time intrusive thoughts, memories and lust can pull me to picking up the phone and surfing. Smartphones are great but really do place porn at our finger tips. No matter how many blockers are in place there’s always something to satisfy the little monster. Need to keep telling myself it’s all PMO no matter how ‘soft’ or ‘innuendoish’ the material is. Its all playing with fire.
How’s things with all you guys?
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Great day 77 feeling good this morning. My issues used to be late nights when I’m most relaxed. Now though… I’m just so thankful I’m not feeling that inner pull that’s so annoying. It’s crazy how long it’s taken me to get to this point… but I’m here and 2022 Sober is my top priority.
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Nice! That’s so good to hear.
Everyday seems to go a little bit easier for me right now. I told my therapist about my journey and he was supportive and understanding.
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Doing great over here, I’m at 127 days and feeling great. My anxiety over my past has really started to resolve and I’m now more optimistic about the future. It’s amazing how even now I’m seeing the benefits of quitting porn. Every day just keeps getting better and better - easier and easier. I usually get pretty bad winter blues but I’m actually feeling really good this year. Here’s to a successful 2022!
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Great to hear that! I’m feeling very committed to this journey!!
