Hello, i struggle the same way.
For a while I was good at not looking at girls.
But a few weeks ago I noticed, that I always look a second to long.
I’m looking at there body again.
I have to take care of that.
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Welcome to the fire brother!
I totally understand. I went through a period of not being able to look at any girls because I was afraid of them - afraid of my own thoughts.
But true recovery is not just about staying abstinent, it’s about healing from the pain, anxiety, and fear of relapse. It’s completely natural and healthy to be physically and sexually attracted to someone of the opposite sex. It’s in our very DNA. There is NO SHAME in being attracted to women. However, like anything it can become a problem if left unchecked.
Here’s my rule of engagement when it comes to women. I can look and admire just as I would admire a 1967 Chevy Impala. Beautiful car/beautiful girl. BUT, I don’t allow myself to picture what she looks like without clothes or sexually fantasize about her. If I’m doing that, or if I’m in danger of that, I look away. During healthy sexual activities with my wife, it’s just me and her.
True recovery is about being comfortable with sexuality while not giving it the power to harm you anymore - think love & acknowledgement of natural beauty vs lust & inappropriate sexual fantasy. It’s not about white knuckled control, it’s about acceptance, appreciation, and healthy boundaries.
We all walk different paths of recovery. It’s important to find what works for YOU. The important thing is you don’t have to be alone in the dark anymore. We’ve all come to the 
seeking companionship, advice, and unity.
I’m always here if you need me.
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You mention your wife.
Does she know about it, do you talk about it.
I frequently talk with my girlfriend about it, it helps me a lot.
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Hahahaha nice
Yes, I am very open, honest, and accountable with my wife. It’s one of the most important things you can do for true change and recovery.
Hey friends
I relapsed again last night. This afternoon I’m meeting with a confidant and making a new set of rules and I don’t want to weasel out of this.
Would one of you be willing to check on me sometime in the next 16 to 24 hours and make sure I did some work towards my recovery? I don’t want to procrastinate this and let me fall again (because I’ve been meaning to do this for a few days and think it may be linked to why I relapsed)
Thanks for your help
Nate
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I always thought that I had it under control at the beginning of my recovery from drugs for a year, it was easy for me to control these impulses, but the pandemic and my low self-esteem have led me to not have control over this obsessive-compulsive behavior in me, I am very clear about it. my addictive behavior and personality the pandemic took this to another level I remember that when I had my first year clean of all alcohol, drugs and masturbation I thought it was fine if I did it once as a reward for lasting a year, I thought it was controllable, but I didn’t care my addicted mind always in search of great amounts of pleasure has uncontrolled my lust, the minimum that I have lasted in these last 2 years has been three weeks I did not even make it a month, a few weeks ago I decided to take the same precaution and good will not to fall in this bad habit it hurts me and it hurts me, it has consumed my thoughts, my self-esteem, what I feel is terrible, social networks are very tempting sometimes it is It’s inevitable the visual temptation, reading about everything that causes compulsive masturbation and consumption of pornography, that has helped me to stop for short periods. But the commitment I have now is the same conviction as when I quit cocaine, if I could with cocaine I can do this, exercise has helped me a lot and healthy eating in these few days is making me quite strong.
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Today i am celebrating 100 days porn Free. But i want to talk about the journey.
@BeckerAndree - I see alot of similiarities with me last year and what your going through. I also have struggled with low self esteem for all of my life, uncontrolled lust, all of it.
@BeardedSandMan made a point the other day: everyone has there way of getting there, recovery looks different for everyone. Over the past 20 years i’ve had a variety of streaks ranging from 2 months to 6 months, nothing too much longer than that. I would towards the end of my streak essentially ‘white knuckling it’ trying desperately to use self control to stop my addiction. Every single time i fell. And it would be so hard to put together any streak after that. I didn’t have a REASON/ANSWER FOR THE WHY. It would just be, “Oh man, i just got these cravings and i relapsed.” Yea but Why did you relapse??? My answer: “I just got withdrawals and i did my best.”
There was no subconscious level training. No thought as to what was happening to me on the inside. I didn’t expose porn for what it is and subconsciously why i continued to fall.
11/17/21. @KevinesKay talked about Easy Peasy method to quitting porn.
I quickly read the book. Finally, I had structure subconsciously. They Reason, The Why, the ‘what it’s really doing to you’. Combining that with what’s happening to me on the inside, “the little monster” the BRAINWASHING - THE REAL ENEMY. FINALLY EXPOSING WHAT WAS HOLDING ME BACK FOR 20 YEARS BREAKING FREE. All the lies i would tell myself, seeking COMFORT IN SOMETHING THAT DESTROYS ME, CREATES A VOID AND KEEPS ME HOOKED. The real danger of social media, why i still can’t be anywhere near it.
The conversations we’ve had on this forum with @BeardedSandMan @KevinesKay @Deep @5th_dimension…have all helped.
I’m thankful. Everyone here has a different perspective on there journey and how they have broken free/are still breaking free. I appreciate the feedback. For 100 days now, i finally feel 100% free. I dont have withdrawals or cravings. I have ‘mental pop up blockers’ now. When i see a beautiful woman, i immediately react to what i’m seeing with a phrase, “See people as people, not shapes, hips, butt, thighs, they are people.” Whatever i felt in that moment, gone. I see something even close to inappropriate, i turn away immediately, “i’m not drinking bleach”.
Sorry for this being so long winded, i just wanted to share my journey. Have a great day everyone.
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Congratulations!
Wow happy for you. Great read! Easy peasy probably helped me more than I realize. Just curious, what are you exercising in life? Feelings, physical, social, change etc? Would be interesting to hear.
I can have long conversations with my mother and father, and I’m not feeling any anxiety and the urge to do something else. One thing thou, I started to “say no” to people at work being less agreeable. I feel I have too be thought full of that to not sound too of putting. But it’s nice to feel I have weight and stand up for me. Any of you experiencing change in temper and mood?
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Whats changed? A part of me that affects everything: My confidence. I feel alot lighter. THAT IS REAL. Guilt is heavy man. I dont have it anymore. That always hiding something feeling. Chest pains! Done. I would feel so much pressure. What’s crazy is that’s how i feel at 100 days, i’m excited what it will feel like at 200, 365 days! It’s extremely motivating to conquer something that’s dominated you most of your life. That’s why i’m cooking now too. Overall, giving up porn makes you alot less selfish. That is a personality trait that’s held me back most of my life, being PMO free makes me more present, less fake around the people i love. It’s alot man. Getting to 365 for me is EVERYTHING.
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We’re all in this fight together my friend. May the fire burn bright for you today
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My confidence has changed quite a bit. I’m also more tender hearted. I cry more easily - both joy and sympathy. I’m more understanding and less judgemental, and I’m more optimistic.
I’ve also noticed I’m nicer to my kids and wife. Looking back, I was a monster. But now I’m able to be a daddy again.
Miracles happen when you let it go.
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Congrats bro!!!
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Well I didn’t do what I said I was going to do. Once I got to this meeting with my confidant I chickened out and didn’t tell him anything about what I’m trying to deal with right now. So, I believe that my next step is to work on a little bit myself and give him a phone call so that we can discuss this because I can’t hide from this problem. Thanks for everyone’s support happy Saturday
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Heya, just letting you know that I removed your phone number from this post for your safety as it is a public forum. It’s always safer to send private information via DM if needed.
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This is so right on, on multiple levels!! Great post
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