Taking a few minutes to sit still and take some deep breaths: good advice for sure. I can’t tell you how many times in the past that would have just helped, i would tell myself to just breath. 20+ years of suffering trying to break free. I tried everything. I’m still in shock that reading one book finally broke my brain free. It just made sense. Now i combine all my trying with what i learned with Easy peezy, i dont have any cravings or withdrawals. It’s just thrown in the trash where it deserves to be. I can finally say that i HATE IT, AND WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. But i also dont put myself in harms way either. Sober 2022. I often dream of November 17th, 2022. It’s the day i get on a what’s app call with my buddies and tearfully told them i made it 1 YEAR CLEAN. We will all sob i’m sure of it. They’ve already done it. One of my buddies is 5 years clean. It’s finally my turn. 253 Days from now, i make that call.
I just want to take a minute and say how grateful I am to have all of you around the . I remember when I started this blog, I was searching for connection, and brotherhood; not only as a way to strengthen and help others in this fight against pmo, but also to strengthen my own resolve and to become a better person overall. I swore to God that if he would help me overcome my addiction to pornography, then I would help others as well. So thank you for being a part of this, thank you for joining my
Currently I’m listening to a very interesting podcast by Dr Mark Hyman. He’s interviewing Dan Buettner who has studied people living in the so called blue zones. Apparently, one of the main things that allows them to live longer than many other people in the world are their social connections. The more we engage with others in our community and form meaningful connections with those we love, the more impact it has upon our health especially our mental health. And apparently this benefit goes so deep that it’s actually a part of our genes! We can potentially live longer if we are forming meaningful connections with people! I do believe pmo use has many reasons. One of them most definitely is loneliness. So what I would encourage all of you to do today is find somebody to talk to. Go have a meaningful conversation with someone, go to the store and just wave it everybody, I’m driving down the road right now and waiting at every car I see just to see the smile on people’s faces! It makes me feel good inside and I know each of us could use a little happiness. So find what makes you happy, connect with somebody today, and live longer!
How is everyone doing. Today is Day 114 and i can see how my brainwashing last year and a day like today would have caused me to fail last year. I immediately jumped on here to detail what’s happening to me. It’s been a day of little to no focus followed by bad news, a mistake that i missed on a job that will probably cost my company 7 to 10k. It’s not my mistake alone but it’s something i missed and i’m the first line of defense. After a day where my brain is crying out for Dopamine, i ended up on tiktok scrolling through(something i had not done). i immediately saw a fully clothed person started to dance suggestively and after around 3 seconds i turned off. Win the moment win the day. This combination of negative emotions coupled with my dopamine addiction trying to push me. No. Not only am i getting to 115 tomorrow. I’m getting to 365 in 250 days. Bro’s there are days where it seems you can’t do right and everything is going wrong. Your ‘little monster’ might try to push you to ‘fake comfort’ to look at something that will cause me the worst shame/pain. I dont have time for this false narrative that i need ‘comfort’ cause i’m having a bad day. Let’s correct this: stuff happens. Smile and appreciate where you are. There will be days like this. But i’m not trying to come out of this deeply saddened knowing that i failed. Nope. I’m getting all that out now. I dont have to turn to trash to get past negative emotions, smile and be thankful for this community and winning the moment.
‘Win the moment, win the day’ - I’m going to write that down. Well done. Life’s full of trials and battles. Life is tragic (Chip Dodds quote) but also there’s the potential for full living as authentic people in touch with our emotions rather than caged and trapped by pmo. You’re choosing life and blessing - nice one!! I’m just crossing over to day 13 and facing urges head on rather than pretending theyre not there and feel a lot better and honest for it! The urges are starting to reduce but I have to be aware of a voice telling me I’ve earned the right to act out. I don’t ever want to get back to that fake life! Keep strong bro!
Talking about it, as hard as this may be has helped my partner feel heard, amd often just the venting will help them feel better. So many of us have never grown up learning how to communicate openly for one reason or another.
Hang in there!
I do this with my roommates and it works incredibly well; we have a ground rule that no bOdy can leave the meeting until solutions are found to every problem.
We usually grab a pizza and a whiteboard and take about an hour every other Sunday
@Liljelly how cool.is that! Shows this can work in many situations! Imagine what the world might be like if we practiced listening amd working towards a common goal. Good job!
Don
I totally get the deeper conversations and no secrets feeling. I feel so free of that weight. I’m much more confident in my conversations because I feel i have nothing to hide anymore. Just me. Just truth.
Whether you use a little poison or a lot of poison, it’s still poison. I used to think the amount I was using wasn’t harmful; that because I didn’t use it everyday or act out my fantasies in real life, that I could just use it every once in a while and have a good relationship with it. Believe me, I used to have big elaborate conversations with myself about all the GOOD that came from my porn use; that because I was able to stretch my sexual wings with porn, I could then come together with my wife and be totally committed to her without being so worried about my next orgasm.
But as I said before, poison is still poison. Very slowly, my porn use started bleeding into my marriage and influenced what I expected from my wife. I found myself frustrated because my wife wasn’t fulfilling that expanded sexual fantasy that I found in porn. You see, porn is a drink that will never satisfy you. The more you drink, the more you want. You begin to try and recreate that initial sexual response you had to porn when you first used it, or maybe you have been watching for a little while and you stumble upon that really good video - that perfect one that just gets you off better than all the rest, and next time you look, you try to recreate that experience, but NOTHING will be as sweet as that first high. That’s why porn is so addictive and harmful, you have to dig deeper and spend more time searching for that dopamine hit. It’s all a lie, brother. Sooner or later, that poison is gonna catch up with you. So you’ve got to be very careful with the mindset of, “Because it hasn’t hurt me yet, and because I have a relatively healthy relationship with it right now, then there’s no risk of harm in the future” it’s a lie, brother.
This group is about finding healing from that poison. It’s about finding compassion, companionship, support, and wisdom in overcoming that darkness - and mark my words, it IS darkness. I’m speaking from 20+ years of experience. If it hasn’t caught up with you yet, it will. You’re always welcome to join our fight, but I would request that you refrain from encouraging the “healthy” use of porn, because I promise you this, there is no such thing. Anyone who says otherwise is either intellectually dishonest, or ignorant to the addictive nature of pornography.
Communications practices similar to those saved my marriage last fall. Our communication had deteriorated very significantly: there was no depth, nothing other than mundane day to day tasks, did you do this, remember this, etc. It was heartbreaking.
Our counsellor introduced us to something he calls the “Positive Interaction Cycle”. It’s basically just fundamentals of real listening with a fancy name. It’s simple. 15 minutes a day, you sit down, set a timer, and listen. Each person gets 7-8 mins. The speaker says “when I saw / heard ____ today, I felt ____” or “I felt ____ today because ____”. (It can be relationship things but it can also be how you felt while walking the dog. The key is to bring up those feelings and share them.) The listener echoes, non-judgmentally: “it sounds like when you were ____ you felt ____”. It’s just listening, no assessment, no advice. The listener then asks, “is there anything more you wanted to share?” If yes, go ahead, as long as there’s time; if not, no problem.
The timer is important in the beginning because if a relationship is rocky it helps participants feel there’s a clear boundary, they don’t worry about anything dragging on or spiralling into a larger, potentially problematic conversation.
This practice helped us connect and get calm and clear. It established a level of empathy that has helped us really move forward on some things we never could have done without that empathy.
100% agree with all you said. PMO, no matter what way its dressed up is not just rubbish but harmful. It dims our lives while promising so much - it never delivers but feeds of illusion after illusion. Many people are waking up to its addictive and harmful effects and choosing to quit. I can personally vouch for this…it stole 30 years of my life and I wish I never started with it. Now I am free and don’t want anyone to get caught by its spell. There is no such thing as a healthy interaction with porn. It’s poison and should have a health warning sign on it!!
I recommend you read easypeasymethod.org.
It gives a great analysis of porn and the confidence trick it plays on all of us. You gain so much when you stop porn but you have to stop it before you realise just how much better life is without it. It’s not even about just addiction (it is addictive) but it warps and distorts authentic relationship and devalues people. It is all about consuming instant gratification at the expense of the future you! Very quickly you become caged like a bird and lose insight, forgetting what it’s like to be free. I can’t recommend reading easy peasy enough - it was a wake up call for me!
The “healthy use” is the gateway to sickness. I agree with you, and sorry about any interpretations of my comment. Glad you’re strong and exposing a thing that’s still quite a taboo. All the best.
. I remember when I started this blog, I was searching for connection, and brotherhood; not only as a way to strengthen and help others in this fight against pmo, but also to strengthen my own resolve and to become a better person overall. I swore to God that if he would help me overcome my addiction to pornography, then I would help others as well. So thank you for being a part of this, thank you for joining my 
. What things have you experienced that have surprised you?
Awesome work brother 
Happy for you 