Having to put my foot down on social media lately. I’ve been getting caught in lust traps. This is me being accountable and deciding to turn the car around before I drive off the cliff again. I’m not breaking streak for nothing or nobody.
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Logan, so proud of you for recognizing your thoughts and not reacting to them. When we can sit with difficult emotions and ask ourselves, “why am I feeling this way” or anything questioning the urge, this creates a long enough detour of thought to not react, and respond by going elsewhere. New challenges will always come along, but equally, new tools to deal with them will continue guiding you. Your willingness to learn, make the effort is a challenge many of us could never rise to.
Stay strong my friend!
Don
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Has not been easy, still is not. I’ve worked hard for this though, I will not let this time spent in freedom go to waste. My only option is to continue building on it. Progress not perfection, & always see things through. Good mantras to have.
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I am so please for you @Logansalgado. What an amazing achievement. I hope to reach that point one day!
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It’s great that you are being so honest with yourself @BeardedSandMan you’ve identified the issue, course corrected and I hope you keep that streak going!
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Looks like I need to take an additional step. I’m deleting all social media apps on my phone for 30 days. I’ve been continually slipping back into the cycle of searching for images that incite lustful feelings. Last night, my searches lead to some nudity. I didn’t linger on any photos, and no I wasn’t looking for them, but I was going places where they were popping up fairly frequently.
It’s time to crack down again. No social media for 30 days, also time to include some study on sobriety and mindfulness. I also need to come back to the fire and be accountable to my brothers. It’s a difficult bump in the road of recovery, but I’m still going.
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Same here. I had 2 relapse in a week after almost 6 months sober. I know what happened. It started with social media too. I finally freed myself and now I’m working on really changing on the inside.
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Chase freedom at all costs friends. Our present world is selling pmo everywhere it can and the brainwashing is intense. Every day I’m faced with this agenda and need a lot of self talk. I’m with you all, it’s a real struggle but when you process the triggers and urges we’ve trained our brains to explore over the years we begin to retrain ourselves in truth and enjoy fullness of life and authentic connections with the world around us.
I keep reminding myself of PURE O - It’s a paper tiger, harmless if we don’t pick it up- process your Urges…what’s behind them? Sit with them, allow them but don’t let them define who you are ie neutralise them- spot the Rituals and retrain the brain from them- self Entitlement is a lie and isn’t a reason for me to consume pmo in the present and destroy my future - O…pmo is a void and offers no solution and has zero Inherent worth.
This gem is something I’ve put together from your posts…thanks…I’m living by your suggestions!!!
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It’s weird, you don’t realize how much you use social media until you don’t have it on your phone anymore. I keep sitting down to pull out my phone and… There’s nothing to do.
Oh well, keeps me clean at least.
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Totally agree, been using dating apps like tinder etc and the images can be really triggering. I also feel it’s bad for self confidence since you see all the women and only match with a very very small percentage.
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The suggestion of removing yourself from social media is a good one @BeardedSandMan and one I am working on now. I think I only have Twitter now.
That space away from social media is a opportunity both to explore how we are feeling and also to embrace the world around us a bit more. Be more in the moment.
It’s a powerful gift.
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Yea i’m done with social media. I almost got to 6 months, dipped my toe back in social media, and got burned. Done. And yet, this is still my best year ever for the past 20 years. So i’m proud of myself and will push forward. The issue is when you re-introduce your addiction, i’m suffering again with irritability, can’t focus on anything, like at all, it sucks.
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Firstly, congrats on making this your best year so far. 6 months is an amazing achievement. One slip does not undo the hard work you have already done. You are so right, social media can be such a temptation.
The irritability is horrible and being back at Day 6 the irritability has faded away again. Soon you will be back here too.
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I’m also interested to hear the group’s thoughts on when the temptation is at its worst?
My triggers tend to be tiredness and stress combined with too much looking at my phone. Loneliness and boredom are also triggers so it is a tricky balance between doing enough to distract myself but not too much so that I burn out and use again. I got to a point where my phone was the only device I was using for PMO.
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It’s been 8 months since I began my true recovery from pornography. I’ve cried, I’ve prayed, I’ve struggled, I’ve sworn to God and to myself that I would never fall back into that darkness again. I’m glad I’ve thus far kept my promise.
But I feel like things have changed. My spirit has healed and my mind is clear. I no longer fear there darkness as I once did. I’ve been around the fire so long I’ve begun to feel comfortable. I’m not as angry as I used to be. I don’t have a desire to look a at porn, but I’ve been guilty of letting my guard down on social media. I’ve started scrolling and searching for things that are less than appropriate. While not inherently pornographic, I know they incite lustful desires. For this reason, I’ve removed most social media from my phone. At least for right now, I can’t handle it. I need to find my clarity again and break the habit. I haven’t relapsed, but I need to get control over my lust again. I need to find ways to maintain sobriety WITHOUT anger and WITHOUT fear. I’ve been told by therapists that this would eventually happen when I didn’t believe them, but now it’s a reality. I need to stay by the fire and continue to attend meetings and pray for my salvation.
Have any of you experienced this? How do you stay clean when you’ve gone so far that the hurt of your final relapse doesn’t sting anymore? When the anger dissipates and comfort replaces fear?
Stay close to the fire brothers 
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So the first time I got clean I was still pretty young and it got to the point where I really just accepted it as part of my past and I identified as a “non user” like easy peasy suggests. It was really liberating for me to look at my life and feel like I was an accomplishment because I didn’t feel that hurt/blame/guilt/frustration anymore. I was healed.
Enjoy it! Anger and fear don’t truly fuel our long term actions. In behavioral therapy we teach a lot of using “passionate emotion” to spark short term change (i.e. joy, anger, frustration, motivation) because they are short term emotions.
Long term emotions like resolve, determination, commitment, are the embers of your soul that will burn hot and truly purge the desire from your mind.
Now that you’re comfortable with yourself, you are truly free.
A lot of people I work with feel that their behavior modification is a constant battle and struggle and if they stop fighting with all their energy for one moment it will all come crashing down, sending them back to square one.
The truth is, it is okay to feel comfortable there. It’s okay to let your guard down because you don’t want this. When something is triggering, you say “hey I’ve beaten this and this trigger used to catch me but now I am stronger” and you just let that urge sit with you. There’s no more need to fight.
Funniest part is I have helped a good number of people throughout my life (mostly with smoking, honestly) and it’s so easy to see them overcome things… But I can’t seem to do it myself
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Good call! I think I just need to continue to find reasons to push forward - that commitment to never doing it again. It’s just so strange for me, I never thought I would be in this situation. I never thought I would be at this stage in my recovery. It’s a whole new adventure!
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I was sexually abused when I was 3 years old. I didn’t realize it at the time and for years I thought the memories of the event were only dreams. These memories however led me to explore sexuality at a very young age. I was more curious than most and when I was 15, I began searching for pornography on the Internet.
Through the help of a therapist in my 20’s, I was able to acknowledge the event for what it really was. Then 8 months ago, after my last relapse, I finally confronted what happened to me. I forgave my abuser, forgave myself, and began the long process of healing.
Sexual abuse is so damaging. I feel so sorry for all those who’s innocence is taken from them before they even know what it’s worth. I often wonder what things would have been like if I was never abused, but we can’t change the past, all we can do is learn from it and move forward.
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Therapy is usually a good choice, but I understand the being tired. There’s always later! If you don’t go, you’re no worse off than you are.
This is your choice. Most everyone will tell you that forgiving someone releases a lot of tension and it lets you heal properly (I also believe this). At some point your ideas might change.
As long as holding on to this is helping you, hold on to it. But take inventory every once in a while and examine it honestly to see if it might be holding you back, too.
Looks like you have done a lot of soul searching. I admire your strength on this journey!
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Hows things going bro? The best times in my life is when I’m not becoming my urge but recognising it is a neutral thing I will always have to sit with, listen to, process and even carry with me through the day if necessary yet not bow down to. I am not my urge. Also starting to separate out triggers and ritualistic behaviours. The occasions which quite easily speed into acting out. Early morning fog, post anxiety, pre anxiety/stress, social media scrolling, low emotional burn, boredom. Am taking care with interactions - avoiding illusions of intimacy. Another big thing is self entitlement eg. Now lots of days into sobriety, busy week with lots of high performance so feeling a bit burnt out and relaxed on my days leave tipping into apathetic and slothful state. Some social media interaction which is clean but could tip into intimacy illusion and low and behold pmo knocking saying ‘just one peak’ you’re entitled to relax and treat yourself. Yet I hear you little monster and I hear you brainwashing BUT why would I want to burden myself with all that empty stress producing baggage. So sit there as long as you want. I’m just going to keep with God’s path because thats always led to the best times in my life. Just talking it out on thus forum to keep clarity. Amen
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