Very well said bro. Agree with everything. I’m doing good, i had some bumps in the road in May, but i’ve rebounded, back to being free. It was a strong strong reminder. I had a bad week. 3 setbacks. I allowed social media, Super stimulus scrolling for Novelty, back into my life, back on that stupid wheel. I understand more than ever how my brain works and the danger signs. But i’m not going to be arrogant and think going forward, i called fall back to earth. It’s june, and i’ve had 3 issues in 2022. This time last year i was struggling roughly every 8 days. Perspective is everything for me. I’m no longer doing the days check. I dont think that’s the best for me. It’s just about being free. I know when i’ve struggled, and how it happened. It’s just about moving forward and being aware of what’s happening to you. I’m a Dopamine addict. It affects me every single day. My ‘little monster’ cries out from time to time. I have to fight urges for stupidity and focus on what matters most. 100% off social media. TS is my social media and that’s it. I always check this site close to daily still cause i’m on a road to recovery just like everyone here. Appreciate you reaching out to me! Yes, we all live with this burden, little sabeteur inside of us trying to ruin our life. And yet, I am not my feelings, i am not my urges, it’s just something i live with. My self talk is good again, so i just need to keep fighting everyday. I’ve had my struggle, now it’s about putting together a clean rest of the year.
Wise words. I’ve also stopped counting days. This is a life long commitment for me and when I watch the days I sometimes start to feel a sense of self-entitlement as if I deserve the reward of PMO for going x number of days free…except that’s my messed up reward system trying to trick me into thinking there’s some inherent worth in pmo. I’ll make it clear - I don’t need all the rubbish PMO burdens me with!
This isn’t a 100m sprint, this is a life long race - one day at a time.
Hope all in this group are chasing their dreams and throwing of the chains of PMO - its held us back from our full potential long enough! Stay by the fire 
Feeling the fire today .
Yesterday, I was triggered by something and started thinking about everything I went through after my relapse 8 months ago. Over the past 24 hours, I’ve been flooded with raw emotions of anger and fear of relapse. It’s been a good reminder of reality - I don’t ever want to go back to that evil again. I refuse.
I refuse to lust after someone other than my wife, I refuse to look at a woman and allow myself to feel that sexual thirst for her. I refuse to fish around on the Internet for things that would excite those feeling, and I refuse to break the longest clean streak of my life. As much as I hate remembering everything I’ve done, I appreciate the boost it just gave me to be clean.
Stay close to the light, brothers. Be free of the darkness, come back to the light. Grab ahold of the torch and shine the light for all those struggling to be free. We’re in this together. If you are struggling, REMEMBER WHY YOU WANT TO BE FREE. Remember the pain, remember the hurt, but remember what it’s like to be free. Stand up and fight the darkness. Be strong and give not into temptation.
The fire burns brighter today
Well said. Thanks for the reminder especially as I’ve been struggling with triggers today! Let’s keep encouraging each other to stay free from this evil.
How’s everyone doing? Been a while since I’ve seen any activity. Everyone hanging in there?
Rereading alot of my messages. I wish I could be in day 100 shoes again. Freedom is so precious. I will be back there again. I was so positive. Focused. I need to convince the logic with changing in the inside. Over confidence shot me in the foot.
really appreciate these words bro. Thank you for that!
Hi all, I’ve been posting regularly on the daily check in but not so much here.
I’m on Day 25 (I think?) but the last two days have been hard. I’ve had an objectively good day today but the cravings for PMO have been really strong. I know that they are a symptom of a more underlying issue with my emotions but I have not taken the time and the self care to look into it over the last two days.
Even writing this I can feel the cravings disappearing. I have to keep reminding myself that I am an addict and I need to look after myself or I will be back in the bad place again.
One day at a time, I will keep on going.
So i’m a dopamine addict. And we get it from literally everything. Didn’t act out or look at anything inappropriate at all, and yet, i had no focus at all today. The issue started from the moment i woke up, i immediately got on my phone and watched sportscenter, which is a no no for me. Set’s the precedent of content content content all day long, which for 99% of people on this planet, i’m sure is no issue. For the guy that also struggles with superstimulus (pnog) it’s a huge issue. I got on youtube when i got to worker(another issue) and just watched vids/ again not a single inappropriate thing. It’s that act itself. I finished the day with barely any work done, no focus, no confidence, and a very bad mood. Day 2 of course. IT’s frustrating going from day 145 to day 2 again, cause it’s like literally re-programing your brain all over again and i’m just frustrated. And yet, negatvitity is counterproductive in every way. I have to fight these stupid emotions all over again and just move forward.
Love your attitude and determination to keep going. Sometimes people want you to over analyze why you did it. I think you should look at the factors around it and see what you can do differently moving forward, but don’t beat yourself up because often times when we beat ourselves up it’s easier to spiral further down. We all have to see what works for us though. Keep moving forward.
I feel some success, haven’t seen porn since before new year’s. How ever been using instagram and tinder and a internet sex community for MO. Miss how I felt when I wasn’t using. I get so triggered from tv, movies, social media, dating apps and girls out on the town. Especially now when the summer is here with less clothes and dresses. I feel shame for this feelings and for not being able to stay away. I have blocker instagram tinder and some other on my phone and hopefully it’s to much work to unblock and make me choose.
Also do you feel you get easier triggered when using or staying away?
Wish all the best to you all.
Definitely more triggered when using. What broke my streak was getting overconfident and jumping back on social media, as if i’ve ever been able to handle such a thing. When you fall, you get into that loop and it’s hard to break free. You get triggered trying to relieve that feeling from the last session. PMO is what we’ve been talking about on this trap: and endless loop of valueless garbage designed to keep you hooked on this drug addiction.
Yeah definitely, when you done it ones, like some days before you feel why not, I already spoiled it. With the feeling of shame and just want the relief. Thinking on why I get so sexually triggered by the images and by women in real life. I feel like a victim for the strong reaction. And as if I’m doomed to have it like this.
Also wishing for a way out a fix that can set my “damage” brain right.
Hey guys,
Just an accountability check in. It’s been a struggle with lust lately. Still no porn, thank God, but still have little rascals I need to kick out. Coming up on 9 months!
What are you guys up to? How goes the battle? Everyone ok?
New to the thread here. Sorry for the long post. To be honest I’m struggling a lot right now and it’s making me feel scared and ashamed. So I’m hoping reaching out will help.
Right now I have 2 years and 10 months without porn, masturbation, or checking women out. And I feel like what’s unusual about my story is that the first year and a half was actually really easy and fantastic (well, easy as far as sobriety went; I had a lot of the fallout of the past to deal with and that part was hard). But I felt great. I was really happy. I didn’t even have real struggles with lustful thoughts or desires in all that time. I believe it was a miracle. But over time I slowly started to take my sobriety for granted.
Then for some reason I still don’t understand, about a year and a half in, it suddenly became a massive, every day struggle again. I can’t say there have been many days since then when it didn’t feel like I was fighting hard just to hang on. It’s gotten better and worse in that time, but at the moment I would say I’m about at the worst place I have been since I stopped acting out.
My issue is my thoughts. I just have so many sexual things pop into my head, and where I used to be able to just easily reject them or not even have them in the first place, now it’s a huge battle not to fantasize. I feel like shit because I feel like I’m betraying my wife and having secrets again. None of these thoughts last more than a few seconds at a time, but it’s just so frequent and I really feel like I’m slipping.
I’m trying not to feel so ashamed. I know that makes it worse. But I feel like crap.
Hi @seekingpeace. Thanks for reaching out. You are not alone in that struggle. I am at day 40 of no porn and the last week I have been really struggling with similar thoughts.
Don’t beat yourself up about it. I know it’s hard not to but I think sometimes we need to take a step back and see how far we have travelled. You are doing amazingly to get to 2 years and 10 months. I would have a think about how many years you used porn? For me I worked out it was 20 years. That sets deep inbuilt mental pathways that are going to take time to reset and apply new norms to. Is it worth the fight? Absolutely! Are there going to be rough times, certainly. But you are doing amazingly well and you did the right thing in speaking out about your struggles.
Has anything happened in the last year or so that could be a trigger? Increased stress for example?
Thanks for the kind words and support. It helps to hear. Yeah, there has been quite a lot going on during this time actually. Some family stuff with my dad that was really difficult for a while and is still stressful sometimes, lots of marriage stuff that was awful for a while (though thankfully much better lately), becoming a new dad, finishing grad school, just feeling really alone for a lot of that time… I guess I just had gotten to a place where I thought I had everything figured out, then life hit me. And I’ve had the bad combination of not knowing how to take care of myself when things get overwhelming and beating myself up over every single “bad” thought or feeling, no matter how brief. So I think I just get stuck in the negativity sometimes and it only makes things harder. Because as we all know, the reason we used porn/sex/fantasy was to escape difficult things…
So thanks for the reality check. To your question, I used porn heavily for about 13 years. And I had toxic sexuality-related things that I didn’t understand at the time going on literally as far back as I can remember. So, I’m a work in progress like all of us. I think I am only starting to realize that my expectations for myself have to be a little different, not to let things slide, but to be realistic. Like you’re saying.
Lastly, big congrats to you on 40+ days! I hope you are doing well and I just want to encourage you.
Thanks @seekingpeace I’ve genuinely taken it one day at a time. It’s all I can do really. Sometimes there are periods where I feel like I am making real progress and others where I just feel like I am holding my breath, trying not to give in to my addiction.
Each of those events on their own would be enough to put strain on a person. The combination must have been so tough. I am a parent and I know how isolating being a parent can be. I was once told that children find your limit and then push through it which is very true now I have experienced it, but it’s still an amazing experience and I wouldn’t change it for the world.
I definitely relate to how you are feeling and, as much as I don’t take this advice, be kind yourself. Not every day is going to be amazing or full of achievements. Give yourself a chance. Rest when you can and if things are tough ask yourself “what advice would I give someone else if they were in my situation?”
We live in a world where there is pressure on us from all angles. Take some time out when you can. Give yourself permission to not be 100% today, you may find it helps to give you a chance to breath and some perspective.
Thank you all for sharing always interesting to hear your thoughts. It’s a good feeling to share this. I have deleted my instagram last week and stopped using dating apps. Also I’m eating l-theanine it really helps with anxiety and feeling calmer. So I don’t feel like masturbating to feel better.
It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything on this thread. I reached 6 months a lil over two weeks ago, now I’m close to 7. I reached 90 days no MO last week & I’m feeling really good about that. I don’t feel the need to post on here as much anymore, & that’s a good thing because it means I’m healing. But I wanted to say that everybody here regardless of your setbacks or mishaps, can get to a point where you feel the same as all of us who are kicking p*** in the ass. You can all reach your goals or milestones, you can all get to a point where you don’t need as much support from the outside because you can trust yourself to take accountability & act accordingly. Best of luck to everyone, & I hope you all find what you need.