Yeah buddy!!
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Im only 10 hours clean…. And I’m working on it…. Ive finally admitted it to myself. And now i got weight off my shoulders. Anyone have any advice on how to stop? Ive been doing it since i was 12, I’m almost 20 now. And i just dont know how to stop
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Find an SAA meeting. There are tons available via zoom. It’s helped me so much. I just recently hit 4 months sober.
There’s help out there!! 
And most importantly… You are not alone.
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This is the first place I’ve admitted it. No one else knows. So I’m scared to go to a meeting….
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I understand being scared. I was too. But after going to that meeting I felt so much better knowing I wasn’t alone. I think going via zoom made it a little easier. You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. Just sit and listen.
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Here’s a link to the “find a meeting”
https://saa-recovery.org/meetings/
They have meetings for woman only too if that woould make you more comfortable.
There’s a “Miami Zoom” meeting everyday at 7pm. EST. (4pm PST) I’ve been to that one a few times. It’s really good and has a good mix of mem, women, gay, strait, ect …
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Take small steps, one after the other. After getting use to being out in the open, it’s get easier. You’ve got this, & congrats on admitting to yourself you have a problem. That’s the biggest part in getting things under control, is acceptance of where you are at. The best advice I could give you, would be to find accountability from a trustworthy person other than yourself. That will help keep you committed through the difficult moments where you feel yourself falling backwards. That support & sense of connection will push you much further than anything else will. I know that might seem scary, but it doesn’t have to be.
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You are right, it’s not easy, but I would stop and take a minute, if you are really struggling, being right in the middle of that maelstrom of thoughts and feelings, concentrate on your breathing. Slow yourself down. Try and take yourself out of the situation, keep yourself busy until the feelings pass.
I am a porn and sex addict so I know some of what you are going through. I recently relapsed after a 54 day stint which was the longest I have achieved. It feels awful when you relapse but you need to not beat yourself up about it.
Now is not the time to try and solve everything. Try and get through the rest of today. Tomorrow is another day. The only way I get through is by focusing just on the day. I try not to relapse today. Tomorrow I will deal with tomorrow.
This is a good place to talk about how you are feeling. A safe space, we are all going through similar things and walk beside you on this journey.
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You can & will get through this, the feelings you are having currently will pass with time. They always do. Just try & be compassionate towards yourself, don’t be harsh or critical of yourself & your actions. Easier said than done but neither of those things will help you feel better. They will only bring you down even more, so just remember what this low point feels like. Soak in that feeling & use it as a reminder, next time you’re in this same position remind yourself how you felt last time & make the decision not to do that to yourself once more. If you can continually make that decision, over & over, you will find freedom. Low points are okay, but only if you learn from them. Make sure you learn from how you feel, & believe that you can do better. Because you can & you will.
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I suppose, once you’ve got through today. That’s the question to ask yourself. Where does the guilt come from?.
My addiction is routed in self loathing. I am having to tread back across old, painful ground in order to understand how I have got here.
You are feeling lost right now and that is scary, but we are all here and we have been lost before. Let us help you or at least walk with you as you find your way
I saw on your thread you don’t want to go to a therapist. I also feel like that though it would probably be best if I did.
Be kind to yourself first and foremost. Take things a step at a time and be open and honest with your partner about how you are feeling. You have come here and have been open about what’s going on which is a great first step.
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You’re not losing, you’re just playing an unreasonable game. No one gets or stays married for the purpose of not having sex (in many cultures marriage is a requirement for sex!). So having healthy sex in a marriage is not a loss.
A big factor in our relationship with our sexual selves, is intimacy: having a healthy, responsive relationship with our emotions and our partner’s emotions, and being comfortable and familiar with healthy exposure, healthy disclosure, and healthy vulnerability.
If you don’t mind me asking, what is your sense of intimacy? How do you foster that healthy sense of emotional, relational intimacy?
I assume your sex addiction is something you’ve discussed with your wife so she should at least be aware of the effect this could be having on you. Have you tried talking to her about it?
Read the book Erotic Intelligence which I linked to you yesterday:
Also as a sex addict you need to work through the core of your addiction, which will take difficult conversations about sensitive and possibly triggering topics.
You avoiding sex is actually part of your sex addiction. It’s sexual anorexia, and is just as much of a problem as you exploiting sex.
Addiction is avoidance. Health, being healthy, is about living a fully present, conscious life, and until you do that - which will require you to get meaningful expert support, outside Talking Sober (nothing wrong with us as peers but if we were enough for you, you wouldn’t be having these recurring problems) - until you live present and conscious, without avoiding your pain and your past, you are stuck.
You need help. It’s that simple.
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Not to be indelicate but - you have flattered me about my insight before. I don’t need to be flattered - I’m happy to hear it but it doesn’t really change anything - so the question is: when are you going to call someone or visit somewhere? Now? This evening? Tomorrow morning?
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Having relationship problems, heartbroken over a girl. Feel really sad, lonely and down would like to flee these feelings. It’s not just a girl I’m losing it’s also a great friend. I just want to get out of my skin and leave by mo/pmo. Trying to remind me that there is a bigger thing.
Started to read erotic intelligence some good insight thanks for the recommendation this forum is helpful.
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Feels better today, not as dark. Glad I didn’t acted out yesterday. I can feel that my life is empty and meaningless.
Hope you all have a good day.
Hello all,
I just found this group. I really like the community that we have here. I have been a porn addict for years, as long as I can remember, honestly. I am currently in 13 days clean. The longest that I’ve been clean is 6 months straight. I am looking forward to hitting that goal. Just thought I’d jump in and thank you all.
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Ya know, im not sure if i can do this. Its so hard to NOT do it. How do yall do it? I havent… i cant
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I am still working on it but I am in a much better place than I was a few years ago.
These are the things that have helped me:
- anything that’s related to porn is a timer reset (for me I had this mindset where I’d say it didn’t count if I was just looking, but eventually I realized even typing in the site address was a boundary, so it was a reset) - no ambiguity about boundaries
- working on intimacy: porn is a hollow intimacy substitute; people put porn in when there’s something missing from the intimacy in their life - porn didn’t lose its “appeal” for me until I visited relationship counsellors with my wife and we found a good one and really started digging into the emotional roots behind the missing intimacy in our relationship
Take care and don’t give up. It takes time but it is worth it.
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