Recognizing that I need to acknowledge and obey God in all my ways, all of my thoughts, throughout the day.
My addict, my flesh, my subconscious, cannot be trusted. If I don’t walk in the spirit, keeping myself in continual fellowship with God, I revert back to my old ways. I go back to my old master, sin.
I recognize that I’m destined to be a slave to someone. If I’m not God’s slave, then I end up going back to being a slave to my sin, my addiction.
And God is a good master. He cares for me better than I could care for myself. I need to trust Him
Unfortunately yes, I’ve had incredible nights and next thing I know I’m having a hand party, either that night or first thing in the morning even though I just had the most amazing experience in my life. Is that what you meant?
There is actually a psychological phenomenon that occurs when this happens.
We are so used to escaping feeling and emotion that we also want to use PMO to escape positive emotions too. Our animal brain (the little monster from EasyPeasy) recognizes a powerful feeling and doesn’t always differentiate between wholesome, healthy feelings and the traumatic, negative feelings we normally escape from.
My therapist explains it a lot better but if we take the time to slow down a bit and mindfully examine WHAT we are feeling and WHY we have a desire, we can better master feeling the good and the bad emotions without resorting to our vices.
Well the way I’ve dealt with it partially is by talking to her about the struggle, disclosing when I relapse (when I realize whatever I’ve been doing is a relapse and muster up the courage to bring things into the light). I talk about it to other recovering addicts in real life as embarrassing as it is. There’s lots of other things too but mainly I think disclosing my activities helps because it lives and thrives in darkness and deceit.
I had issues the other day, but i’m not resetting my counter. That’s counter productive really. You trip down the steps you dont usually fall to the very bottom. I"m just picking myself back up and keep going.
I was feeling very impulsive but i was ‘supposed’ to do a viewing fast from the internet from 7 - 12.
If i didn’t compromise, i would not have relapsed.
I was supposed to go swimming at lunch, i was clicking around too much, and i felt it coming, i knew if i swam, all the chemical benefits and i would live to fight another day. I rationalized i was too tired. Strike #2.
I then was supposed to do a 30 minute walk, but i chose to sit in the car. Strike #3.
I tried to sleep, but i was too ‘worked up’. From 1145-1245 i relapsed that ended in MO. I feel incredibly sad and just feel dumb. I saw this coming, i came into the day with a plan and i compromised at every turn, i didn’t even realize what was happening until it was too late. 22 years of this nonsense, trying to sabotage my life. Now im just at my standing desk, just existing. Numb.
Hello! I am just jumping in. I have been lurking these forums for a while now and have finally decided to make an account and a post. I struggle with PMO addiction. I also struggle with fantasy and lustful glances.
I am sober almost a 100 days now. I have struggled with PMO since childhood when I was first exposed to nudity through my sisters barbie dolls. I would steal them, undress them, and use them to masturbate. I then moved to magazines and catalogs and ultimately ending up on internet porn with a progession in the taboo nature of what I was viewing. I have been trying to quit since highschool and I am now 26. throughout college I experienced some moments of freedom but only recently have I had the most sobriety I have ever experienced. From May 2022 to Nov 2022 I had 6 months of sobriety. I relapsed in late Nov and early dec 3 times but I didn’t spiral like I normally do. I am coming up on day 100 and I am looking forward being part of this community. I am grateful for the posts that I read here.
I like this community but it is not enough. (For me at least). We all need people to speak to and to thresh things out with. I personally go to Sexaholics anonymous and have a sponsor and a therapist. It’s always uncomfortable at first but it’s worth it…
Totally Agree! I attend a weekly meeting and meet with a sex addiction therapist. I have a sponsor but I am so bad at keeping contact with him. I don’t know if it is laziness of just being anxious about phone calls and stuff. I am taking it one day at a time just trying to do better. Please pray that I may just keep put my best good faith effort into recovery.
I guess it depends on what you’re counting with the counter. Does a dry run count? For me I’d say no because I’m more concerned with not looking at other women and actual performance than I am with MO, so P resets my counter although if my imagination was corrupted and I thought about P then MO would reset it. That’s just my working hypothesis though, it could fail and get me into a lot of trouble for all I know. Good luck man, the resets are killing but I’ve learned to not be resentful with starting from scratch, it’s just part of updating your memories as far as I’m concerned - that way I don’t look back at things with rust colored glasses.
I really love and appreciate this comment. It is not a simple addiction, it’s a character flow. What’s interesting is that i’m showing discipline in other areas of my life. Since december i’ve lost 20 lbs, i fast 16-19 hours a day, it’s like why can i have discipline over here to track my food and workout, eat carefully, and this other area WHICH IS FAR MORE IMPORTANT…I DONT HAVE IT. You made alot of good points: when i chose to not swim, that was a huge blow to my mental willpower, i gave up. I couldn’t even do my normal walk routine, i just sat in the car and completely melted like butter. No struggle, i just gave up. I realize now how critical of a mistake i made that day. There is just so many chemicals that help us when we exercise and when i gave that up, knowing at the time i was already feeling impulsive, i had nothing to counter my unbalanced brain. Just getting in the car heading to the gym would have been a huge boost alone. I just had a call this morning with reps from a man named JK Emezi, who is a porn reboot specialist, and i just told them essentially what i’ve been doing the last 20 years, trying to gather information. They want me to pay $500 a month for coaching and reboot strategies. I dont know if it’s worth it or not, but i know i need to get free. Mastering Discipline is my goal, every day. Thank you again for that great response.
I think one of the things that’s working for me is imagining it’s a few hours after doing it (PMO) and remembering that, if I really did it, I’d be in exactly the same place but with a major dopamine and T-level crash, shame, weakness, and those PMO action circuits feeding on my failure, which is not desirable. No closer to goals, no progress made towards anything meaningful, and just having to start over again.
I paid for a coaching program that cost $500 a month also. I think that’s pretty standard market right now for this sort of thing. The advice I have for you is that you ask ahead of time what resources they offer at a lifetime rate, in case you relapse and don’t want to pay again. They may have workbooks and videos that remain available after your initial subscription regardless whether you continue which may be worth your money all on their own.
If you want my opinion, 1000% worth it, no matter the cost. The skills I’ve learned from my coaches and their program are so much more focused and personal than group work. I think that group work really helped me most to remember that I’m not alone, to normalize asking for help, etc. But coaching and therapy have really given me the tools to actually leave this behavior in my past for good.
Think of it as an investment. We pay $500 a month for a brand new car, but we won’t spend it getting the help we need. We pay $500 a month eating out, but won’t spend it on improving our life. If you want this enough, you’ll find a way to make the money work.
All you have, at the end of the day, is your own company. If you don’t put your money into yourself and prioritize this relationship with yourself, what could be more important?
Love yourself enough to do something that will help you reach your goals. Don’t settle for less than the best you can be. Your future self will look back and thank you and say that it was the best $500 a month you ever spent.
The money is not the problem (though I do advocate a budget and healthy financial practices ). The true problem is that you’re afraid to let go of this and really face yourself without this crutch that you’ve been using for so long.
I have been sober from porn/masturbation for 10
amazing days!!! I was exposed to porn at 11 and it has ruined my life. It made me think of sex a certain way instead of thinking of sex as a beautiful intimate thing shared between a couple. I think porn ruins young teenagers lives and is terrible.
I agree, we have to invest in ourselves. But I do think there are cheaper options out there. I pay $145 a visit for 30 mins with a sex addiction therapist. He has been super helpful and as I have hained sobriety he has tapored off our meetings from every 2 weeks to twice a month to once a month. Its actually motivational because then I spend less money the more sobriety I have.
I think the major thing is we want make sure that this thing we spend money on is actually going to work. Thats the fear IMO
I’m going to share my honest feelings about coaching programs and therapy and recovery in general. For other addictions, I’ve seen results. Look at TS. So many people have come to a point of victory.
But with PMO? I see some victory. But you know what I see? A lot more casualties. Maybe about 10% of those sexually addicted going through traditional recovery methods will find freedom after a few years. But most 90% will relapse over and over again. Doing the same professional strategies taught for decades.
My thoughts towards the professional community? If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’re always going to get … 10%
I’ve seen others explain away the casualties. Maybe they weren’t really serious about quitting? Maybe they weren’t ready to quit? I think that when something doesn’t work or stops working, then it’s time to stop trying harder, and start trying different.
The professional community would have never addressed my NGS and my toxic shame, or the Easy way method, nor my boundaries including the toxicity level in my brain, nor my broken state with God, nor my messed up paradigm of the world.
I’m one of the 90%. It would be a complete waste of my time to get back into counseling or to get a sober coach. But God really is bigger than all of this. He has been faithful to lead me to a path of freedom. It’s taken 30 years. And it’s worth it. To have this freedom. To know my life is no longer at the whim of my lust? That’s a good place to be. Some really obscure resources that God led me to that were pivotal to my path.
Easy Peasy No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover Every Man’s Battle by Fred Stoeker Overcoming Lust by Jim Vander Spek
I trust that if we don’t give up, then God will be faithful to lead us to freedom. It may take 10, 20, 50 years. But it’s worth it. Believe me. It’s really worth it.
). The true problem is that you’re afraid to let go of this and really face yourself without this crutch that you’ve been using for so long.