I guess it depends on what you’re counting with the counter. Does a dry run count? For me I’d say no because I’m more concerned with not looking at other women and actual performance than I am with MO, so P resets my counter although if my imagination was corrupted and I thought about P then MO would reset it. That’s just my working hypothesis though, it could fail and get me into a lot of trouble for all I know. Good luck man, the resets are killing but I’ve learned to not be resentful with starting from scratch, it’s just part of updating your memories as far as I’m concerned - that way I don’t look back at things with rust colored glasses.
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I really love and appreciate this comment. It is not a simple addiction, it’s a character flow. What’s interesting is that i’m showing discipline in other areas of my life. Since december i’ve lost 20 lbs, i fast 16-19 hours a day, it’s like why can i have discipline over here to track my food and workout, eat carefully, and this other area WHICH IS FAR MORE IMPORTANT…I DONT HAVE IT. You made alot of good points: when i chose to not swim, that was a huge blow to my mental willpower, i gave up. I couldn’t even do my normal walk routine, i just sat in the car and completely melted like butter. No struggle, i just gave up. I realize now how critical of a mistake i made that day. There is just so many chemicals that help us when we exercise and when i gave that up, knowing at the time i was already feeling impulsive, i had nothing to counter my unbalanced brain. Just getting in the car heading to the gym would have been a huge boost alone. I just had a call this morning with reps from a man named JK Emezi, who is a porn reboot specialist, and i just told them essentially what i’ve been doing the last 20 years, trying to gather information. They want me to pay $500 a month for coaching and reboot strategies. I dont know if it’s worth it or not, but i know i need to get free. Mastering Discipline is my goal, every day. Thank you again for that great response.
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No problem, im just sharing what works for me. Everyone has it differently but im glad you can relate.
As for coaching, 500$ a month is pretty steep lol. I could see the benefit in coaching but try to make sure you’ll get what you pay for. There are a lot of people who try to take advantage of others’ desperation. Im not saying its a scam, but maybe consider the other (free) options first. Like SAA meetings or accountability partners you can find in the community.
The most important thing is to never abandon your goal. We’re seeking discipline, so that means resisting every urge, not just those that are pmo related. A relapse isnt the end of the world, as long as you keep the same goal. I think the problem with nofap is thinking in terms of ‘streaks’. It makes you think you’ve lost everything when you reset, or think along the lines of ‘it’s only been a day so fuck it’. That’s the wrong way to go about it. Think in broader terms. ‘Failing after 7 days’ vs ‘failing once in 7 days’. Big difference.
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I think one of the things that’s working for me is imagining it’s a few hours after doing it (PMO) and remembering that, if I really did it, I’d be in exactly the same place but with a major dopamine and T-level crash, shame, weakness, and those PMO action circuits feeding on my failure, which is not desirable. No closer to goals, no progress made towards anything meaningful, and just having to start over again.
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I paid for a coaching program that cost $500 a month also. I think that’s pretty standard market right now for this sort of thing. The advice I have for you is that you ask ahead of time what resources they offer at a lifetime rate, in case you relapse and don’t want to pay again. They may have workbooks and videos that remain available after your initial subscription regardless whether you continue which may be worth your money all on their own.
If you want my opinion, 1000% worth it, no matter the cost. The skills I’ve learned from my coaches and their program are so much more focused and personal than group work. I think that group work really helped me most to remember that I’m not alone, to normalize asking for help, etc. But coaching and therapy have really given me the tools to actually leave this behavior in my past for good.
Think of it as an investment. We pay $500 a month for a brand new car, but we won’t spend it getting the help we need. We pay $500 a month eating out, but won’t spend it on improving our life. If you want this enough, you’ll find a way to make the money work.
All you have, at the end of the day, is your own company. If you don’t put your money into yourself and prioritize this relationship with yourself, what could be more important?
Love yourself enough to do something that will help you reach your goals. Don’t settle for less than the best you can be. Your future self will look back and thank you and say that it was the best $500 a month you ever spent.
The money is not the problem (though I do advocate a budget and healthy financial practices 
). The true problem is that you’re afraid to let go of this and really face yourself without this crutch that you’ve been using for so long.
Do you love yourself enough to do this?
I have been sober from porn/masturbation for 10
amazing days!!! I was exposed to porn at 11 and it has ruined my life. It made me think of sex a certain way instead of thinking of sex as a beautiful intimate thing shared between a couple. I think porn ruins young teenagers lives and is terrible.
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I agree, we have to invest in ourselves. But I do think there are cheaper options out there. I pay $145 a visit for 30 mins with a sex addiction therapist. He has been super helpful and as I have hained sobriety he has tapored off our meetings from every 2 weeks to twice a month to once a month. Its actually motivational because then I spend less money the more sobriety I have.
I think the major thing is we want make sure that this thing we spend money on is actually going to work. Thats the fear IMO
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I’m going to share my honest feelings about coaching programs and therapy and recovery in general. For other addictions, I’ve seen results. Look at TS. So many people have come to a point of victory.
But with PMO? I see some victory. But you know what I see? A lot more casualties. Maybe about 10% of those sexually addicted going through traditional recovery methods will find freedom after a few years. But most 90% will relapse over and over again. Doing the same professional strategies taught for decades.
My thoughts towards the professional community?
If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’re always going to get …
10%
I’ve seen others explain away the casualties. Maybe they weren’t really serious about quitting? Maybe they weren’t ready to quit? I think that when something doesn’t work or stops working, then it’s time to stop trying harder, and start trying different.
The professional community would have never addressed my NGS and my toxic shame, or the Easy way method, nor my boundaries including the toxicity level in my brain, nor my broken state with God, nor my messed up paradigm of the world.
I’m one of the 90%. It would be a complete waste of my time to get back into counseling or to get a sober coach. But God really is bigger than all of this. He has been faithful to lead me to a path of freedom. It’s taken 30 years. And it’s worth it. To have this freedom. To know my life is no longer at the whim of my lust? That’s a good place to be. Some really obscure resources that God led me to that were pivotal to my path.
Easy Peasy
No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover
Every Man’s Battle by Fred Stoeker
Overcoming Lust by Jim Vander Spek
I trust that if we don’t give up, then God will be faithful to lead us to freedom. It may take 10, 20, 50 years. But it’s worth it. Believe me. It’s really worth it.
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We have the same amount of clean time so that makes us running buddies, let’s do this!
I dream of being there someday. One day ill be pure and porn will have no control over me.
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Where do you get this 90/10% divide you speak of? I’m curious.
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It really is as if I have been serving the Greek God Priapus, and I’m trying to figure out how to commit apostasy.
To be honest, I see it from my observations from my involvement with SAA, other 12 step meetings, Blazing Grace forums, NoFap, and TS. No, I don’t have any statistics. But my observation over the past 30 years is that the vast majority of those that come for help in PMO recovery, don’t recover. Those that have found freedom are in the minority. I’m just making an honest observation. I wish it was different. And I think it can. I just think we have a lot more to learn about PMO recovery.
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And I think it’s kind of funny that you found that’s the case because I’ve found the opposite in my therapy and Coach programs where 90% recover and 10% don’t and it’s usually because they leave the program before it’s finished.
Honestly that’s been a big driving force for me to keep going because I really believe that I can quit for good as long as I keep trying and working towards it and that I won’t be part of your 90% who never end up beating this.
Much to reflect on here 
Edit: may also be the fact that I am only looking at 3 years and not 30 
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One of the main reasons why I love TS so much is that there’s so much victory and recovery. People are embracing and enjoying sobriety. Very positive and very uplifting. And I found that the people that didn’t give up. Even if they fell a whole bunch of times. After time, many of these people got better. That’s really encouraging. And that’s not something I saw a whole lot of before. I’ve witnessed a lot of chronic relapsing. And I became one of those chronic relapsers. 20, 25, 30 years ago, I wish I knew then what I know now.
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Do you guys ever write in the built-in journal on this app? I do quite a bit but i never read my past entries. I did today however, and i have to say it’s very motivating.
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Hi. I don’t use the journal on the app but I do journal about my recovery with pen and paper. I’m old school LOL.
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Yes, I do the journal. Seems to help for me at least, I like checking in with it every day.
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Day 7 ending after being sober/clean 31 days. Although the odds I feel motivated
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